India is a country where one can find plentiful unemployed people. The young and restless after finishing their studies are on the lookout for a job. Seeking employment in India or anywhere else has a procedure, unless you work for your own family. Similar to people who seek for employment in India, a lot of eligible boys and girls choose to go through a process of arranged marriages. Is there a difference between getting a job or a spouse? Literally yes, but rhetorically - NO.
There appears absolutely no difference between a job interview and the process of arrange marriages in India. Let us enlighten the practice and get ourselves educated. I have stated 30 odd similarities between the processes of seeking a job and arrange marriages. Also the atmosphere after selecting the respective choices -
1. Opening in the company – If there is an offer in an organization, the applicant seems interested to apply, the source being dot coms such as naukri.com, monster.com and the like or your peer and friends working in the same company. Whereas in arrange marriages, aunties, mummies and dot coms like shaadi.com, jeevansaathi.com and the like are the source of letting other families know that there is a bachelor/ spinster in some clan who are on a search.
2. Showing interest and forwarding your resume – so the families show interest through email/ sms and the like and exchange basic criteria. Wanted groom from a “convent educated”, working in mnc, tall, slim and a wheatish girl. In the case of a company, the requirement is mentioned as – wanted a technical lead for a leading mnc, 3-4 years of experience and the technology mentioned. The resume is then uploaded or shared.
3. Resume selection – Based on the eligibility criteria the resume is selected. In case of companies the HR does that, in case of arrange marriages, family/ peers or friends scan and give a heads up.
4. R&D about the company through the website – the parents of the prospect would ask other people about the surname. For a job, the person would name the company and ask family and peers and friends – does it ring a bell?
5. Finding connects through friends/ peers or acquaintances working in the same company – as explained in the point above people would dig in more information about the company/ clan of the prospect
6. Interview date selection – If step 5 is satisfactory, a meet up date is selected. This meet up date is between the girl and boy these days and per the availability the place and time is decided.
7. Call for the interview process after seeing the eligibility of the applicant – the HR Calls the person in case of job interview. The parents or the prospects themselves decide of a date/ time they would meet.
8. Technical round – technical glitches and the first interface between girl/boy or the technical interviewer is analyzed. This is an important round as we proceed only when the technical interviewers agree.
9. CEO Round – time for the parents to meet the prospect. Telling them about their family culture, habits and stuff. In the real job interview, CEO explains the vision statement etc.
10. HR Round – This is the final round with relatives and parents and the entire clan for approval.
11. Finding more about the company –
· Location – where would you end up after marriage?
· Work culture – Habits and family traditions/ work culture and policies in case of company
· Any past records – previous relationships etc in case of marriage, criminal records?
12. Salary Negotiation and hike – this is funny, while salary is negotiated by the employee and is an important factor, in case of arrange marriages dowry was discussed in the primitive times which is now illegal. Pompous clans still settle by calling them “gifts” – all illegal though!
13. Take the job or quit the offer – the decision to say yes or no. Remain single or jobless!
14. In case take the job, wait for the offer letter – Marriage certificate/ wedding card is the offer letter in case of marriages.
15. Shopping! - For formals and the like in the new company – yeah no explanations needed there, girls and boys shop any way!
16. Moving to a new location which is near to the company – in case of marriages, the bride moves to her husband’s house, in case of jobs you move near your new organization.
17. Resigning from previous company/ evaluating your decision in case of first job – Say bye bye to previous organization or relationships in case of marriages. Also the girl moves from the parents clan to the in laws clan.
18. Completing the process and term period in the previous company – Generation of documents like character certificate, final papers and salary slip from the company. Documentation is the marriage invite – wedding card and marriage certificate in case of weddings.
19. New Job - Taking the job and being apprehensive about it vs adjusting to a new family (mom in law, papa in law, sister in law, brother in law), meeting new people, following new company policies/ culture and the like – no extra marital policy
20. Project and team allocation – while in an organization you get an appointed reporting manager and daily work that you do, in a marriage house hold chores and your mother-in-law who becomes your reporting manager. She introduces you to mini projects (cleaning/cooking/washing/dusting) that one understands and undertakes from the first week i.e right from your allocation.
21. Seat selection – right and left side of the bed or the dining table seat arrangement, an employee would always have a seat to himself/ herself.
22. Setting up your drawer and table – be it your wives/ mother’s/ pet’s framed picture, a plant and that favorite coffee mug at your office desk, one also arranges his/her cupboard/ house and home after getting married.
23. Finding likeminded people for lunch break and outings/ cigarette break – kitty party with a bunch of aunties or your spouse’s friends or your group of neighborhood friends give you company. In an organization, your group of colleagues accompanies you to lunch and grapevine.
24. Learning about office politics – the grapevine with your bunch gives you a lot of fuel to judge people. Similarly characteristics are brought up by the elderly, working staff and the neighborhood.
25. Getting used to the external staff – the wife/ husband better be good with house helps, drivers, gardeners and dhobis for a fine overall rapport. In case of an organization the employee must have a good rapport with admin, IT, cafeterias staff and HR personnel’s.
26. Working on the rapport with your reporting manager – Your mother in law is the reporting manager after marriage. She gives the feedback to your parents (Higher management) and peers (husband), on the basis of which your appraisal is closed. All team building activities in the kitchen are performed with her. It’s on you if you share a good rapport or a soured bond with your RM.
27. Attending all team meetings and client calls – while you become very engrossed in your roles and responsibilities in a project, you make sure you and your team never misses any client calls or meeting, in an arrange marriage, these client calls become birthdays/ anniversaries and wishing calls to relatives and team meetings become family dinners and lunches one cannot miss and has to attend.
28. Taking holidays only when you apply for leaves – after one is married you seek permission from your family and are allowed to go to you parents or holidays with friends (happens rarely) for a stipulated amount of time because in law family comes first. If you are employed, it goes without saying those holidays and breaks need an approval from your manager. Sick leaves being unplanned leaves.
29. Acting sick because you need a breather from office – too much of mum in law/ family pressure? Or tired working even on weekends in office. There is always an escape. Getting out and bunking or sleeping for hours by acting sick.
30. Nervous breakdown during appraisal and feedback – times when you would cook and all the relatives would come and judge you! Or times when after 2 years of marriage a lot of relatives would call you to start “family planning” or times when you would conduct a pregnancy test and be happy or sad about it by acquiring a senior position of a mother! – That would be marriage appraisal. Similarly, office appraisal would be for acquiring a senior level position or hike.
Be it a job interview or an arrange marriage, we put our heart and soul and want the best for ourselves. Either way we work it out and filter or become more flexible towards our selection criteria…and that my friend is life, destiny or your world of choices!
On an unrelated note, to the uneducated, the culture of arrange marriages in India is still high. Marriages within the caste/community are still traditional and eventually parents or friends “hook you up” with common friends or acquaintances. Nevertheless, Freedom is the word. Inter-caste marriages, Love marriages and live-ins are utterly not rare. Yes we are a “contemporary” country, vices being disloyal to one’s spouse or choosing extra marital affairs. Thanks to our famous writers, producers and directors, our soaps and movies are based on the same concept.
