Happy, Sad, Angry or all of the above?

 

Sometimes you’re the statue and sometimes you are a pigeon sitting on it…

Life is unpredictable. Life makes you play different roles. We are different in office, different at home, different with our parents and different with our spouse. And then there are movies about split personality whereas an average normal person plays at least 5 roles every day. Girls mostly, have mood swings which can be also called seasonal depression which mostly happens during winters. Also, in rains and summers. If a person has an abnormal level of one or several of certain neuro transmitters in their brain, it may result in having mood swings or a mood disorder.

We are not complicated. It’s just those mood swings that keep our feelings muddled. Also observed in women, ladies and females. But men are moodier than women. They get bored easily and have to be distracted from time to time. Oo ..Brownie! There is specie of cockroaches that can fly! Where was I? Yeah, so the typical symptoms of our swingy neurons include lack of energy, fatigue, drowsiness, and oversleeping with a side order of naps. Other symptoms include decreased focus, difficulty in concentrating and stalking profiles on social media. People who suffer from a depression often withdraw. Most often that withdrawal is from an ATM machine to pay for the wine that will combat the shift in mood because we all know is that wine makes one happy. Life and tacos go hand in hand. You need something or someone to go with it, be it salsa or a dip or family/ spouse or friends in the latter case of course, you wouldn’t eat your husband with a taco OR would you haha! I am hungry now.

My main point is that in the midst of the roles you play, do not lose yourself. You may be a responsible wife and a loving mother and the most sincere daughter in law BUT do not turn into an amoebic personality inside. You know the sticky object (I thought it was sticky and gooey in the biology book) “amoeba”, that takes any shape and has a nucleus inside. In our case, the spine should stay and it stays for good. Do not lose it.

Chocolate can make one happy, but ask someone who works in a chocolate factory and smells chocola all day, he would loath it because it would be a part of his daily job. So it is clear that what comforts you and makes you happy might not comfort someone else. It is an individual’s comfort pick. Do different things from time to time. The humdrum would be avoided in that case. Pack your bags and go to an unknown place once in 2 months, do not always plan! Be spontaneous and explore the adventures of life. Your mood becomes mundane and yearns for a change, this is when stress builds up and normal events makes one happy sad and angry all at the same time. Hide the laptop and mobile under your bed and explore the roads. Spend time physically not the e-way (watsapp, facebook, emails and sms’s). This would help you to distract from your mood swings.

The author is so wise that she preaches what she blogs about. She went for a long nice walk after writing the post. She also has a list of her favourite things that she does from time to time to reach out to the 5-year old within. We don’t call that immature like earning a lot of money and saving it to spend on buying shoes, clothes and bags.

 

 

Joie de vivre!

Joie de vivre (French pronunciation: ​[ʒwa də vivʁ], joy of living) is a French phrase often used in English to express a cheerful enjoyment of life; an exultation of spirit. It "can be a joy of conversation, joy of eating, joy of anything one might do… And joie de vivre may be seen as a joy of everything, a comprehensive joy, a philosophy of life, a Weltanschauung.

1.    Think of the last time you were happy. Think about what you were doing and with who you were. You could be alone eating an ice cream, watching a movie or a match, playing with your children, with a beloved, with your family, walking with your dog, on a vacation, with your friends, a winning moment, your babies’ first kick or smile or walk. Think about the joy you had at that particular moment and even when you think about it this particular moment you’re smiling.

2.    Now, think about the last time you were sad and you cried. It could be separation, death of a closed one, a horror movie, a nightmare, a wound or any other grave reason.

3.    Think about the last time you were extremely scared. It could be a near death experience or a cockroach, feeling of failure, financial worries, the health of a dear one etc.

4.    Now, think about the last time you did not like something about someone and then became stressed or angry - could be a shabby dress, your boss, a movie, a colleague or a neighbor, the rash cab driver, Monday!, muddled roads after rain, traffic, someone who was rude to you, work stress, the flab around your waist, your tiffin, stretch marks, waiting line, appraisal comments from your boss, your marriage, family pressure etc. (I have a point here I promise!)

Now that you have a moment with you for each situation, compare all of them. In most of the cases we will find that we are happy or scared or sad (first three) due to reasons which are not under our control. BUT we are stressed and angry (fourth) due to our OWN judgements and decisions, not circumstances and situations. We often predict and assume dire situations and then worry. When your daughter is not home till late night and her phone is switched off, a sane parent would file a police complaint and would worry thinking her little princess was kidnapped and raped. We assume the extreme, all negative thoughts conquer our mind. We think about a kinap or torture, murders and rapes, accidents etc. This is natural. This is how we are designed and this how we function. A father arranges the most expensive wedding for her daughter and after everything has been perfectly done he asks the event manager and his family – “what if it rains? what if the relatives are not happy? What if the food is not good? When I was in first standard and I had my annual exam I started crying and asked my mother – “what if I cannot answer even one question from the question paper, what if all the questions come from that one chapter I left, what if I fail!” My mother used to smile and say – It will all be good and minutes later I would be just fine.

So it’s a proven fact that no matter how strong we are or appear to be, we tend to worry, assume the worse and then take stress. How can we change this? Do we need a person always by our side saying “It will be good!”? Do we always need that sympathy from mother, husband, friends and siblings? Do we need depression pills for our nerves and make us unaware of the tensions we have, do we need to live in a fictitious world and run away from reality or do we need to curse our parents for having us and blame God for the situation we encounter? No we don’t!

One easy way is to be hopeful, positive and to laugh it out. Be thankful for now, be thankful for the moment. You are better off than million others in the world and you’re the hero of your movie. Make it a happy one. You might want complement it with some drama, romance, action sequence, tragedy, flashy costumes, locations, songs followed by a happy ending. Love yourself and the people around you. The more you critisise and loathe people and become judgmental about them or assume situations with the worst outcome, the more you go away from the first three real situations which were so different from one another yet beautiful. The malice of judgments will sway away unquestionable feelings which you experienced when you were happy, sad and scared with the one' s you love. Capture the beautiful moments in your mind and try to repeat them with the same people from time to time. The Joy of Living can be experience at any age, any time, right NOW ...till the moment you are on your death bed when flashes from your life will give you that complete feeling. Make a wish list, work towards it and finish it. We come with no validity, enjoy the moment with zeal and live it up!

In a parallel world...

He was alone that night with her, it was raining and he was shivering, she took off her dupatta and gave it to him, he covered himself and was grateful to her. It was a chilly December night and at 11:30 pm on the streets on Delhi, some say it’s a nightmare; some call it the rape capital of India. One could hardly see anything in the fog and the drizzle. As he walked a lot of emotions were running in his mind. Then he chuckled “he was a man”, what can possibly go wrong. She was walking audaciously, smiling, eating an ice cream and chatting. She had a beautiful smile. He looked at her and said, don’t you think it’s late, it’s not safe! She said – “I am there, you need not worry”! They had known each other since quite some time so he could blindly trust her. But the 1% fear is always there.

His parents lived in another city and were always worried about his safety. The day he was born, the entire clan was disenchanted. His grandmother gave the sorrowful news to all, in a rather very gloomy tone, that a baby boy was born. She was so ill-fated that she did not talk to her daughter in law for months. Every time he came near her, she thought of him as a good for nothing adult who would make his parents ashamed of him. They did not have that kind of money to be spent when he would get married. They, like everybody wanted to have a girl! As he grew up his little sister was always given the first preference and supreme attention. Most of the times, he felt that he was mistreated and his sisters were nurtured and pampered like a princess. He never complained. He studied on his own and came to Delhi University for higher studies. He was always scared of the raucous city and especially those notorious girls, some of them were even daughters of politicians and some, criminals on the loose.

The weather was perfect and he liked her a lot. Over the months they would sometimes bunk classes, find excuses and meet every evening to spend time with each other. She was quite admired by her professors and was popular in college and a lot of guys were after her, he always wondered why she chose him. He also feared that she might be having an affair or might leave him someday but she never gave him a chance to make his worst feelings come true. She was the most loyal, caring and loving girlfriend one could ever have. He felt safe when he was around her. She was bright, good looking, smart, was in her college football team, funny and she could cook too! He was an average student at school, somehow completed his engineering and got a placement through reference because he did not want to sit at home with his parents who would always compare him with the apple of their eye, his sister. He feared if he did not work, he would be forcibly married to one of those successful women entrepreneurs and he would be caged forever, taking care of their kids and just socialising with other house husbands.

As they walked through the broad uninhabited roads of the capital with some street light flickering, a group of girls approached him, they looked raucous and he was petrified. One of them even had a weapon in her hands. She did not realise that they were surrounding him and was busy chit chatting and finishing her ice cream. Then a hefty girl started dragging him in the car. She looked up and bellowed, if anyone even tries to hurt him, I will not spare even one of you. She put the ice cream stick in the eyes of the lady who was pulling him through the window. They tried to escape, she picked a rod from the road and started hitting their van. They finally escaped but he had bruises all over his face. She reassured him and told him that everything will be alright. He was angry that she did not listen to him earlier and was now a little scared of her when he saw her in full rage, hitting the van like a beast and running behind it.

Later, he asked her a question – “Darling, when we get married and have kids and if we fight sometime, will you get angry and hit me or the kids, the same way you hit those girls the other day?”, she just smiled and comforted him.

#this is a true story based on the following assumptions -

- Female foeticide happened because of men

- Females were respected more than men

- India became a female dominating society

- Dowry had to be given by men and not women

- Houses can be run with women as “head of the family” and men supporting them

- Domestic violence was carried out by women

- The word “male-ego” did not exist

- Women were not scared of anything

- Men were raped every year and were scared to go out

- Women were so strong that they could protect themselves and men

- The streets of Delhi were just about women after 11pm

- Men were not given as much credit as women in offices or at home.

 

Life at the eleventh hour!

This one’s my first in 2015, after a long time; I now have a collection of over 25 unfinished snippets written over the last 3 months, sitting in corners, trains, planes and buses. I was never able to complete them and it undeniably portrays my muddled and hurried life. So this weekend I decided to turn things over, forget everything else, spend some quality time with family, let my hair down, cook, write, smile, do what I like, played with a dog, joked and danced like a fool! It feels like someone just pressed F5 on the button of my life (else it could have been a forced system shut down)

We all crave for balance in our lives particularly when one activity in our routine eclipses the other, be it work, duty, responsibility or a deadline. I know workaholics who would take a few days off out of India with their family once in a year and name it a luxury vacation and then get back to the daily rut, to each its own, works for them! Nowadays children are more used to keepers than fathers and nannies than mommy’s! We are all busy earning a quality life for ourselves and our children. Because the whole meaning of quality is not based on basic, it has traversed to luxury. Children want an “image” which is popular but at the same time “superficial”. Girls want to be supermodels than being fit or healthy, we are into designer labels. Boys want their gadgets and branded jackets and shoes because that’s the inn thing. We want labels and mansions and beach houses with big cars and to achieve all of that, one has to work so hard for hours, which is the sad circle of life. So where is the time for us, our health, fitness, time for family or our interests? Unfortunately our interests and family is cornered or ignored when one is not born with a silver spoon and has to work hard to accomplish the worth one dreams of. This also leads to a number of diseases particularly like obesity, depression, low self-esteem and condemning yourself and the ones near you. So how does one save himself/ herself by not becoming a mad bot?

Henceforth, it is alright to open up and share. It is essential to exercise and engage in physical activities. It is alright to be social, meet new people, act foolish and dance once in a while. Though the one week vacation to an unknown place with a beach house or that luxury hotel on the hill top will give you some quality time with your family but remember you will be back to the same “I don’t recognize my kid anymore” situation from the coming Monday when you join work. Take out time and try to understand your family. Be meaningfully engaged on a day to day basis with your family. Silence causes a jagged communication hurdle in a relationship. Talk it out, laugh more and value what you have, be it family or your own accomplishments. It is tragic how having a balanced life just remains as phoney new year’s resolution for some. Almost all successful people have the right kind of support and love from their family; these people never disregarded or ignored their own family but worked hard with them on their side. Eradicate the loud desperation and insecurity about that job of yours or the not so perfect body of yours. Try to fall in love with both. Let us set the boundaries of our own lives, live by our rules where personal life is concerned. Time shall never come back again, so shall age. Once gone it will be gone with us confused, hurried, trying to complete targets and accomplishing our monthly salaries all the while. So save some time for fun which is later automatically converted to a memory. To wake up well rested and happy and sleep with no tensions or with a smile shouldn’t be an aim. Relationships fail when you marry your work or do something robotically day to day and hate yourself when there is no balance. We don’t want to be so busy making a living that we forget how to live.

We live in a society where men are supposed to work more in the office on “difficult” tasks than women, which is a separate debate altogether. Why do we irrespective of our gender have to define ourselves so strongly by our jobs? Someone working to death in a society is looked up as a virtue whereas the situation would might just be opposite in the organization one works for. Top organizations around the world strive for outcome, innovation and creativity and not just backbreaking or protracted efforts and extra time in office for a non-value add. Remember that the classic corporate or business warrior or the obsessed over children, all time mother and housewife needs a break! Get your physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual side right because success is not slogging to obtain all the luxuries but passion and balance. A life well lived with your family and friends looks like heaven.