I started, you finished!

When she looked into his eye,

She could, there and then, die!

His eyes were fine, big and deep,

Wondered, she could take a leap.

A lot was going in her agile mind,

Is it love, she was absolutely blind.

I did have to talk about something,

Thought over again, is this a fling?

Sooner had to get back her senses,

Distracting, using all her defenses.

His charm is not letting her speak,

Handsome and that fit physique!

With her poise she at last spoke,

Chewed the fat, the silence broke.

A reply then came from other end,

He said something, she had to bend.

Bowed down she laughed so hard,

Voice of a cat in body of a leopard!

Jesus! He sure sounded like a shrew,

Whenever he stops, I shall bid adieu!

She was beautiful; her voice sweet,

His charm, she would have to delete.

Exasperated, she thought to reject,

Striking man said I am not perfect!

I have a heart of gold, if you wonder,

But picking you would be a blunder!

Her eyes now as wide as a UFO Saucer,

How dare he abandoned and prosper!

 Mommy, she cried, I feel so dejected,

Shocked, she then felt utterly neglected.

Why would you do that, please explain?

I have it all in me, consider and abstain.

He said politely in his mouse tone then,

Your beauty would be loved by all men.

But your views and thought not so ripe,

To each its own, you are not my type!

Where I had to put my thumbs down,

Look at the man, he made me a clown!

Earlier she laughed at his funny tone,

Never mock again, the fact well known.

Infuriated at what had just happened,

He stole her thunder, deeply saddened.

It is such an unfair world, she thought,

From infinity she now became a naught!

Marriage or Employment?

India is a country where one can find plentiful unemployed people. The young and restless after finishing their studies are on the lookout for a job. Seeking employment in India or anywhere else has a procedure, unless you work for your own family. Similar to people who seek for employment in India, a lot of eligible boys and girls choose to go through a process of arranged marriages.  Is there a difference between getting a job or a spouse? Literally yes, but rhetorically - NO.

There appears absolutely no difference between a job interview and the process of arrange marriages in India. Let us enlighten the practice and get ourselves educated. I have stated 30 odd similarities between the processes of seeking a job and arrange marriages. Also the atmosphere after selecting the respective choices -

1.    Opening in the company – If there is an offer in an organization, the applicant seems interested to apply, the source being dot coms such as naukri.com, monster.com and the like or your peer and friends working in the same company. Whereas in arrange marriages, aunties, mummies and dot coms like shaadi.com, jeevansaathi.com and the like are the source of letting other families know that there is a bachelor/ spinster in some clan who are on a search.

2.    Showing interest and forwarding your resume – so the families show interest through email/ sms and the like and exchange basic criteria. Wanted groom from a “convent educated”, working in mnc, tall, slim and a wheatish girl. In the case of a company, the requirement is mentioned as – wanted a technical lead for a leading mnc, 3-4 years of experience and the technology mentioned. The resume is then uploaded or shared.

3.    Resume selection – Based on the eligibility criteria the resume is selected. In case of companies the HR does that, in case of arrange marriages, family/ peers or friends scan and give a heads up.

4.    R&D about the company through the website – the parents of the prospect would ask other people about the surname. For a job, the person would name the company and ask family and peers and friends – does it ring a bell?

5.    Finding connects through friends/ peers or acquaintances working in the same company – as explained in the point above people would dig in more information about the company/ clan of the prospect

6.    Interview date selection – If step 5 is satisfactory, a meet up date is selected. This meet up date is between the girl and boy these days and per the availability the place and time is decided.

7.    Call for the interview process after seeing the eligibility of the applicant – the HR Calls the person in case of job interview. The parents or the prospects themselves decide of a date/ time they would meet.

8.    Technical round – technical glitches and the first interface between girl/boy or the technical interviewer is analyzed. This is an important round as we proceed only when the technical interviewers agree.

9.    CEO Round – time for the parents to meet the prospect. Telling them about their family culture, habits and stuff. In the real job interview, CEO explains the vision statement etc.

10.  HR Round – This is the final round with relatives and parents and the entire clan for approval.

11.  Finding more about the company –

·         Location – where would you end up after marriage?

·         Work culture – Habits and family traditions/ work culture and policies in case of company

·         Any past records – previous relationships etc in case of marriage, criminal records?

12.  Salary Negotiation and hike – this is funny, while salary is negotiated by the employee and is an important factor, in case of arrange marriages dowry was discussed in the primitive times which is now illegal. Pompous clans still settle by calling them “gifts” – all illegal though!

13.  Take the job or quit the offer – the decision to say yes or no. Remain single or jobless!

14.  In case take the job, wait for the offer letter – Marriage certificate/ wedding card is the offer letter in case of marriages.

15.  Shopping! -  For formals and the like in the new company – yeah no explanations needed there, girls and boys shop any way!

16.  Moving to a new location which is near to the company – in case of marriages, the bride moves to her husband’s house, in case of jobs you move near your new organization.

17.  Resigning from previous company/ evaluating your decision in case of first job – Say bye bye to previous organization or relationships in case of marriages. Also the girl moves from the parents clan to the in laws clan.

18.  Completing the process and term period in the previous company – Generation of documents like character certificate, final papers and salary slip from the company. Documentation is the marriage invite – wedding card and marriage certificate in case of weddings.

19.  New Job - Taking the job and being apprehensive about it vs adjusting to a new family (mom in law, papa in law, sister in law, brother in law), meeting new people, following new company policies/ culture and the like – no extra marital policy

20.  Project and team allocation – while in an organization you get an appointed reporting manager and daily work that you do, in a marriage house hold chores and your mother-in-law who becomes your reporting manager. She introduces you to mini projects (cleaning/cooking/washing/dusting) that one understands and undertakes from the first week i.e right from your allocation.

21.  Seat selection – right and left side of the bed or the dining table seat arrangement, an employee would always have a seat to himself/ herself.

22.  Setting up your drawer and table – be it your wives/ mother’s/ pet’s framed picture, a plant and that favorite coffee mug at your office desk, one also arranges his/her cupboard/ house and home after getting married.

23.  Finding likeminded people for lunch break and outings/ cigarette break – kitty party with a bunch of aunties or your spouse’s friends or your group of neighborhood friends give you company. In an organization, your group of colleagues accompanies you to lunch and grapevine.

24.  Learning about office politics – the grapevine with your bunch gives you a lot of fuel to judge people. Similarly characteristics are brought up by the elderly, working staff and the neighborhood.

25.  Getting used to the external staff – the wife/ husband better be good with house helps, drivers, gardeners and dhobis for a fine overall rapport. In case of an organization the employee must have a good rapport with admin, IT, cafeterias staff and HR personnel’s.

26.  Working on the rapport with your reporting manager – Your mother in law is the reporting manager after marriage. She gives the feedback to your parents (Higher management) and peers (husband), on the basis of which your appraisal is closed. All team building activities in the kitchen are performed with her. It’s on you if you share a good rapport or a soured bond with your RM.

27.  Attending all team meetings and client calls – while you become very engrossed in your roles and responsibilities in a project, you make sure you and your team never misses any client calls or meeting, in an arrange marriage, these client calls become birthdays/ anniversaries and wishing calls to relatives and team meetings become family dinners and lunches one cannot miss and has to attend.

28.  Taking holidays only when you apply for leaves – after one is married you seek permission from your family and are allowed to go to you parents or holidays with friends (happens rarely) for a stipulated amount of time because in law family comes first. If you are employed, it goes without saying those holidays and breaks need an approval from your manager. Sick leaves being unplanned leaves.

29.  Acting sick because you need a breather from office – too much of mum in law/ family pressure? Or tired working even on weekends in office. There is always an escape. Getting out and bunking or sleeping for hours by acting sick.

30.  Nervous breakdown during appraisal and feedback – times when you would cook and all the relatives would come and judge you! Or times when after 2 years of marriage a lot of relatives would call you to start “family planning” or times when you would conduct a pregnancy test and be happy or sad about it by acquiring a senior position of a mother! – That would be marriage appraisal. Similarly, office appraisal would be for acquiring a senior level position or hike.

Be it a job interview or an arrange marriage, we put our heart and soul and want the best for ourselves. Either way we work it out and filter or become more flexible towards our selection criteria…and that my friend is life, destiny or your world of choices!

On an unrelated note, to the uneducated, the culture of arrange marriages in India is still high. Marriages within the caste/community are still traditional and eventually parents or friends “hook you up” with common friends or acquaintances. Nevertheless, Freedom is the word. Inter-caste marriages, Love marriages and live-ins are utterly not rare. Yes we are a “contemporary” country, vices being disloyal to one’s spouse or choosing extra marital affairs. Thanks to our famous writers, producers and directors, our soaps and movies are based on the same concept.

The Dheet

Like a shadow, a setback always follows one. Particularly if you wish for something, rather badly, it makes you wait or even cry for it. What would you do? An awaited result, stuck money, jammed bottle of nutella when a strong arm is missing, a ghastly relationship, or that promotion you wanted terribly…there are n number of hindrances due to n number of reasons.

In a country like ours, people would refer “gifted” people and seek their blessings, start distributing alms or “charity” all of a sudden or commence being spiritual or superstitious, consult a psychic or a crystal ball or the parrot who picks and reads your future, feng shui, publicize their problems to the world and eventually GIVE UP.

It’s funny how people give up and lose their faith so easily. On one hand there is a mother who lost her own son in a terrorist attack, but she never saw the dead body of her son. So she plans to bestow her whole life in searching and hoping for her son’s return. Whereas on the other there are teenagers who feel are intellectually challenged and cannot pass school/college exams, or study, and choose to become sex workers, thieves or chain snatchers for easy money. I am not judging anybody here; everybody has a story, but why choose the easy way?

I also comprehend our eco-system where good cannot exist without bad and virtue balances vice. But why, when two infants, pulled out the same second, with the same composition, hard work (man power?) and timing result in one villain and another hero? Yes, we are all different, and yes we are all heading towards becoming psychopaths, depressed and disease prone.

Our shaping lifestyle in a nutshell - We tend to use shortcuts, buy chopped veggies and processed food, read guide books and revision question instead of real books to get the gist, we save time by using god knows what abbreviations in text messages, we booze when we are gloomy or happy or stressed or always to get the “good” feeling, we don’t write letters because they are a waste of time and money, we walk only on treadmills, we have become fake inside out and we pick the easy method everywhere. Our criminal tendencies have increased, so has our temper, we cannot take no as an answer, failure or rejection. We are impatient and restless, we want quick money, we can’t live without an air conditioner in summers, we can’t resolve our own issues leave others and afterwards we tend to be independent and separate. We have divided the world into two types – rich and poor, losers and winners! We have started complicating instead of complementing life. Oh hi “new age” world. Let us detoxify and introduce ourselves to Stone Age now. How? …Good Question.

Meet the “Dheet”. Congregate with the dheet in you – that stubborn, obstinate wild untrained beast that heaves a deep sigh only after it accomplished what it wanted. Like that passionate mother who keeps looking for her son in every damn teenage boy in the world that comes across her eye. Push your limits, run like someone’s running after you with a meat cleaver, shout, jump like you would touch the sky, listen to your favorite song so loud that you can’t hear anything else, hold your breath and dive, feel the air and smile, cook, sing, smile…laugh and cry (yes! At the same time), LIVE and realize your worth. Feel the worth of your beautiful self and mind that you are wasting every minute.

The dheet feels the elements, the dheet knows the purpose of his/her life, the dheet loves and laughs and most importantly the dheet never ever has any regret in life. Setbacks, hindrances, failures and rejections are for those who give up.  Innovate and stick to your idea like a dheet by believing in yourself. Become the dheet that can change the world with goodness and love.

***“Dheet” is a hindi word for being stubborn, willful, obstinate or a bolshie.

The Law of Popularity

There was once a little boy who was 5 years of age. As a practice, each year he would meet his grandmother, cousins, aunts and uncles who lived far away, during his summer vacations. That was the best time for him and he always thought why can’t we, like cave men live together, under one roof! A humongous, gigantic and enormous clan – and all of them together and happy.

As he grew and spoke his mind he understood what people like to listen and what people did not want to listen. Hence he started filtering what he wanted to tell and what he did not. In his teens, he went through the shy phase and observed what smooth talking was. Why are some people always criticized and why are some so popular. He then started appreciating what he hated, hated what others hated and realized gees I have a lot of friends and I am popular!

Also, during his academics – when he was asked to write an essay on his family, he thought in the exam centre – I don’t have to think here. I know them all so well that I can write things about them even without thinking. And that is exactly what happened. When he started to write about them, he realized that he had exceeded the word limit and just had to end the essay. But he was now confused, as to why he had to think and say things about other people, he did not want to.

In college, he realized that the people you know, whom you are genuine with and care for them need no justifications and are always there for you – true friends, just a few! To the rest of the world the law of popularity as discovered in his teens was applicable.

Over the years when he developed good friends which were like family and his own family he realized no pretension was needed with them. So why would he become popular and be praised by people, when he said things what people wanted to hear, or when he lied…

The law of popularity is not what everybody likes. Your opinions are not audience poll but your own. And this foremost difference entitles “YOU”, good or bad. Wise if your views are, a number of people would appreciate else you would be slated. Remember, the smarter you get, the more selective you become. So if you cannot shun the deleterious people, who shatter your self-esteem, humbly apply the rule – hear (not listen) and snub. Choose your people. Stop worrying about your fan clubs and hate clubs. Life is too short to loathe prize-fight, get into quarrels and arguments, expect a lot and then cry. It is the selected few who would love you forever and for always. After all, nobody “NEEDS” a family, a marriage, friends or a spouse unless we “WANT” them to be associated with us and to love us by loving them back. (Law of reciprocity)

This year reintroduce the little girl/boy in you who used to love and speak his mind without any filters or conditions or expectations. Apply the new rule of popularity which is not to say what they want to hear BUT to be yourself and lastly, shun the negative ones to get self-motivated and to progress.

 

The differently frozen shoulder!

A brawny force pulled her shoulders and her feet,

Her balance was shaken; she could not take the heat.

She cried and shouted for she wanted some aid,

The shoulder was still being dragged down in shade.

Peeked up and about, the world seemed bright,

Her foot stuck, a name she awed holding it tight!

The more she resisted, the deeper she was heaved,

Helpless and tired, she could now just plead.

 

They all want a shoulder to lean and heed their story,

Lopsided miserable shoulder- wedged with no glory.

In their mourning and slip-ups she was now in grief,

Once happy, her life now, just an autumn leaf!

“I ought to stay strong” she bellowed in her mind,

Assembling the jammed pieces - she had to bind.

Self-assured and positive – she felt free of charge,

Would not bother on any quandaries, now at large!

 

The star that never twinkled...

There was once a dazzling rock,

Colossal shine, kept within a lock.

For years the light came from inside,

It was miracle and a breathtaking sight!

The gigantic sparkling rock lit a lot,

A treasure the ancestors had caught.

The most captivating and bizarre piece,

Sovereigns sought after that cheese.

Scientists and researchers befuddled,

Obtained no answer or logic or googled!

All and sundry yearned that stone,

Thieves' vital dream was stealing it alone.

And One day the staff was alarmed!

They all thought the rock was harmed.

They evacuated the museum as soon,

Darkness was observed that noon.

Oblivious, the researchers barged in,

God men thought it was a worldly sin.

News channels and media covered,

Mystery of darkness, still undiscovered.

And then a little one talked to the rock,

Unlike worthless others plunked to mock.

The innocent girl bent close to the stone,

Why did you stop shining, want to be thrown?

                                    

The rock answered back this time and loud,

I am not cherished anymore in the crowd.

Buying and selling is all they notice in me,

Bartering me for covetousness is the key.

Transition from a thought to a mere thing,

Lady not respected justly a vicious sting!

Those Monstrous eyes gauge at my light,

I can't shimmer anymore, that’s my plight.

I whimpered in reflection if he would be sorry,

Witnessed Eve teasing, Rape, murder and dowry.

He had an eye to make countless money,

Pierced my soul, parts you sold were not runny!

Darling I would be of no use without the glitter,

Go ahead sell me now at the price of futile litter.

Stars stipulate safety, esteem and respect,

Let us clean our thought process and disinfect!!

The Crime she committed...

Her feelings she hides,
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind,
She has fallen behind!

No one understands her kind…
She sure hates saint valentine!
Her peers, friends and family binds,
Somewhere she lost trust in mankind.

And all her life she bent her spine,
Although now her self esteem is in line.
Hoping that her destiny will shine,
Consoling herself - everything will be fine.

Not waiting any more for his sign,
The scars now seem to be a design!
In deep thought and a glass of wine,
She realized that loving him was a crime!