The Trial

There was once a girl named, well you can call her Taloola (because that’s a very fancy name but has to be taken very seriously since she’s the main character here) Taloola was a very polite, fragile and an introvert girl. When Taloola was 3, she liked being under beds, tables and benches and used to enjoy solitude. When Taloola was 8, she went to the temple with her father who was very noble, kind, was working in a bank and was also known for his wisdom and high character in the neighbourhood. Outside the temple, Taloola saw a huge queue of crippled and disabled men and women who were begging for Prasad and money. She suddenly asked her father – “Papa when I am young, can I marry one of these men? Who would marry them? I will marry a disabled man and take care of him”

Taloola’s father looked at her and said “My little princess, you are getting the best of education, you have the best of everything so you should also aim for getting the best in your life partner. One does not marry for feeling pity or out of sympathy or money, one marries for respect, love and companionship. Help one another and be kind but not at your own cost.” Taloola thought her father was being protective about her and was not saying the right thing at that time…

Years passed and Taloola became a successful lawyer. She was good looking, an extrovert, people loved her and would come from all over the city to talk to her. She would win cases and get laurels from people and her bosses at work. She was popular for all good reasons and was ruling her age, looks, carrier and her love life was blossoming, she wanted to be single at the moment because of her work commitments and travel but had big plans for marriage and life after marriage.

One day as Taloola was fighting a murder case for a woman, she put her heart and soul in the case but lost the case and the criminal was fled free. She was also humiliated in the court by a senior lawyer. No one had ever insulted her before. The criminal who fled free, threatened her openly inside the court and blackmailed her for murdering her beloved family and raping her younger sister. After the trial, she looked at a corner and started crying profusely. She tried taking help from her seniors but they were either busy or did not want to put their feet in dirt as the criminal was very notorious and dangerous. Taloola felt helpless, in some time she decided to leave her law practice, she stopped eating properly, seldom took calls from her family and would always hold herself responsible for everything wrong that happened around her. One day Talloolas mother called her up at 3 am to inform her that her father was no more, he got a heart stroke and died on the spot. Taloola was dumb struck and strated crying profusely. Her condition worsened now, she would cry for hours. She was so depressed that she wanted to die, the doctors couldn’t make her eat. Her personality changed, she would again like solitude and wouldn’t talk to people, and she started looking weak and started avoiding her family, relatives and friends.

One night Taloola dreamt that she was young again and was talking to her father, her father said “hi princess? Remember you wanted to marry a disabled man when you were young? And I told you to get the best since you are the best??” Taloola nodded in her sleep.  “Life is tough for people who have acquired diseases and are disabled or are born with them, but look at you my darling! You have lovely hands, feet, a perfect body and a healthy brain, you’re privileged my child, make the most of it. Value yourself and your body and take care of it. We have to be strong and balanced in life. Life moves on, it never stops. It can be like a gamble sometimes because we don’t know what next is in store for us, it’s exciting when we win and take chances. We give our best every time but failure is natural and in case we do not succeed, think of other options, move on, and have a plan B, because there’s only one life that we have, make that memorable J”

Taloola slept for hours that day, it was like a message from God that enlightened her. Next morning Taloola got up with full zeal and the first thing that she did was to have breakfast, it was like she was hungry since ages. She went to work and faced the world. Day one was not bad she realized. She applied for self defence classes in the evening and started calling her family often. She fought for justice and all the cases she lost she made sure she learnt from each one of them. She tried not to repeat her mistakes and was back being the most awesome person she was.

Your 3 G's!

So, there are mainly two kind of people. One, who console and convince. The second, who sob and serve. You don’t want to be the third and the worst, the ones who sob and convince (the blackmailers who lack, well…a soul) But we are certainly not talking about them today.

The New Year is not new anymore! Did we take extended and carried forward resolutions all over again? Or are we thinking about changing ourselves all together! Just ponder over changing the basic you, well...somethings really go unexplained like unfavorable situations which force you to change certain habits of yours. But the elementary you always remains the same.

My today’s post is about the choices we make. The choices which do not make everyone contented. The choices which unquestionably make us guilty all the time and the choices which make us stand between a very thin line of responsibilities or errands and contentment. Not able to get me? Get up and call up a lady, who just became a mother a few months back and ask her about latest movies, favorite cuisines or how does wine taste? She sure will whiplash you with a burning rod! If not, she can be bowed upon or worshiped! 

Life is all about our permutations and combinations of choices we make, others are prejudiced by circumstances, opportunities, growth, in the well-being of others etc

So between getting excellent marks in every test, unit test, primary exam, secondary exam, final exams, pre-boards, boards, CAT, MAT, PMT, MBBS, CA and other humongous degrees, to getting a good college, passing all semesters with flying colors, studying for post-graduation, getting 8 pointers and above in all semesters, in all subjects, to applying for jobs, getting a campus placement, a good package, a good job in a good company, a good work environment, to getting a compatible life partner, adjusting and compromising in the family, having a kid, having another kid, getting them a good nursery, a good play school, a good school, a good college, a good life partner……LIFE  will just pass by. Not to forget a masters in other basic skills like cooking, washing clothes and utensils, cleaning everything and etiquette which teach you how to speak and eat and sit like a girl (if you’re a girl) and cricket, getting extra marks to get a “good” college to “earn”, learning how to drive and casual drinking (if you’re a boy).

We have to change, seriously we have to change! How do we change?

The whole concept of “Good”, “Guilt”, and “Greatness” has to go away! Lets see how -

Good – Who defines good? Define it yourself and make sure that your good is as good to make the world jealous of you. Set your own standards of good to be the best.

Guilt – Guilt does wonders to criminals, to the rest of us, live for yourself!

Greatness – Never publish a good deed. If you take a one fourth of your income and give it to the poor, do not – take photos and Instagram or update Facebook posts and change your profile as a social worker on Linkedin. Enjoy charity and a good deed "yourself" by being selfless about it.

Now the Spanish were definitely after God, Glory or Gold (the other 3 G's) when they wanted to come to America BUT as an individual, If your 3 G’s are in place you can sincerely traverse towards the final G which is Growth. Remember one thing – if you are happy and if your self-esteem is high there is no one on earth you need to be your emotional dustbin as you will become so balanced that growth will come very naturally to you as days, months and years pass by.

Way to Go! Happy New Year!

The Cost of Life

Like almost every day, we were driving. Just as we were enjoying an old track on the FM and talking…we couldn’t miss a young man…in his twenties, on a motorcycle without a helmet, speeding so high…almost flying on the soaked slippery road due to rains, gambling his not so precious life and over-passing the red signals, one after the other. After some time, the man on the motorbike was undetectable…out of our sight but unquestionably not out of our mind!

The FM was almost on mute now. We were terrified of the speed and started pondering why Indians, particularly the youth do not value their lives, rather, aim to live in the present, without thinking a little about their future…

I revisited my thoughts from the morning and came across the following questions and observations about why we have stopped valuing our lives.

·       Is it due to the law of demand and supply that human beings who are more in supply in India (1.2 billion plus) are less respected, while in the U.S. their supply is less (300 million) and hence they are more in demand? Just because we are in surplus?

·     Or, does it have to do with the state enforcing the laws more strictly?

·     Or, does it have to do with what many of us say “the typical Indian mentality” — to break rules and take things for granted in a “chalta hai” “kee farak paenda hai” or “janta nai mera baap kaun hai” attitude?

·    Morality - Money is the focus, not morality. Its not how we earn money, but if I can arrange bribe, my work gets done in most of the cases.

·      Selfish Motives – if an issue is not my issue, I wont raise any voice because who wants to goto court etc

·     No ownership – The government is blamed for everything and it is too easy to break rules.

·    Is it the economy? The central bank (RBI) raises interest rates whenever inflation mounts in order to reduce the liquidity of money in the market. Larger number of people equals lesser "value" of each individual and in our case it is billions!

·    TV and print media covers events like act of terrorism, train mishaps, hijacks, rapes, landslides, accidents, earthquakes, stampedes, murders for a day and then get back to their crispy news of Celebrity events or Cricket buzz

·     Why is the healthcare, Police force and the quality of living better in the US?Is it just technology or is it the attitude towards life?

·     Is the choice of our idols or role models wrong?

·     Is it the easy accessibility of money that we just want to live in the present? Rich fathers, theft, shop lifting, prostitution, swiping cards everywhere, easy loans and EMI’s?

·      Or Is it the glamorous life that we are turning our wants into our needs, till it all ends? – Drugs, designer clothes, gadgets, luxurious cars, mansions and vacations that we have forgotten all other things such as being a Human first and then a VVIP.

All in all, if we start valuing our lives, we will NOT leave behind a wretched generation by setting a wrong example for them and their future.

Happy, Sad, Angry or all of the above?

 

Sometimes you’re the statue and sometimes you are a pigeon sitting on it…

Life is unpredictable. Life makes you play different roles. We are different in office, different at home, different with our parents and different with our spouse. And then there are movies about split personality whereas an average normal person plays at least 5 roles every day. Girls mostly, have mood swings which can be also called seasonal depression which mostly happens during winters. Also, in rains and summers. If a person has an abnormal level of one or several of certain neuro transmitters in their brain, it may result in having mood swings or a mood disorder.

We are not complicated. It’s just those mood swings that keep our feelings muddled. Also observed in women, ladies and females. But men are moodier than women. They get bored easily and have to be distracted from time to time. Oo ..Brownie! There is specie of cockroaches that can fly! Where was I? Yeah, so the typical symptoms of our swingy neurons include lack of energy, fatigue, drowsiness, and oversleeping with a side order of naps. Other symptoms include decreased focus, difficulty in concentrating and stalking profiles on social media. People who suffer from a depression often withdraw. Most often that withdrawal is from an ATM machine to pay for the wine that will combat the shift in mood because we all know is that wine makes one happy. Life and tacos go hand in hand. You need something or someone to go with it, be it salsa or a dip or family/ spouse or friends in the latter case of course, you wouldn’t eat your husband with a taco OR would you haha! I am hungry now.

My main point is that in the midst of the roles you play, do not lose yourself. You may be a responsible wife and a loving mother and the most sincere daughter in law BUT do not turn into an amoebic personality inside. You know the sticky object (I thought it was sticky and gooey in the biology book) “amoeba”, that takes any shape and has a nucleus inside. In our case, the spine should stay and it stays for good. Do not lose it.

Chocolate can make one happy, but ask someone who works in a chocolate factory and smells chocola all day, he would loath it because it would be a part of his daily job. So it is clear that what comforts you and makes you happy might not comfort someone else. It is an individual’s comfort pick. Do different things from time to time. The humdrum would be avoided in that case. Pack your bags and go to an unknown place once in 2 months, do not always plan! Be spontaneous and explore the adventures of life. Your mood becomes mundane and yearns for a change, this is when stress builds up and normal events makes one happy sad and angry all at the same time. Hide the laptop and mobile under your bed and explore the roads. Spend time physically not the e-way (watsapp, facebook, emails and sms’s). This would help you to distract from your mood swings.

The author is so wise that she preaches what she blogs about. She went for a long nice walk after writing the post. She also has a list of her favourite things that she does from time to time to reach out to the 5-year old within. We don’t call that immature like earning a lot of money and saving it to spend on buying shoes, clothes and bags.

 

 

Joie de vivre!

Joie de vivre (French pronunciation: ​[ʒwa də vivʁ], joy of living) is a French phrase often used in English to express a cheerful enjoyment of life; an exultation of spirit. It "can be a joy of conversation, joy of eating, joy of anything one might do… And joie de vivre may be seen as a joy of everything, a comprehensive joy, a philosophy of life, a Weltanschauung.

1.    Think of the last time you were happy. Think about what you were doing and with who you were. You could be alone eating an ice cream, watching a movie or a match, playing with your children, with a beloved, with your family, walking with your dog, on a vacation, with your friends, a winning moment, your babies’ first kick or smile or walk. Think about the joy you had at that particular moment and even when you think about it this particular moment you’re smiling.

2.    Now, think about the last time you were sad and you cried. It could be separation, death of a closed one, a horror movie, a nightmare, a wound or any other grave reason.

3.    Think about the last time you were extremely scared. It could be a near death experience or a cockroach, feeling of failure, financial worries, the health of a dear one etc.

4.    Now, think about the last time you did not like something about someone and then became stressed or angry - could be a shabby dress, your boss, a movie, a colleague or a neighbor, the rash cab driver, Monday!, muddled roads after rain, traffic, someone who was rude to you, work stress, the flab around your waist, your tiffin, stretch marks, waiting line, appraisal comments from your boss, your marriage, family pressure etc. (I have a point here I promise!)

Now that you have a moment with you for each situation, compare all of them. In most of the cases we will find that we are happy or scared or sad (first three) due to reasons which are not under our control. BUT we are stressed and angry (fourth) due to our OWN judgements and decisions, not circumstances and situations. We often predict and assume dire situations and then worry. When your daughter is not home till late night and her phone is switched off, a sane parent would file a police complaint and would worry thinking her little princess was kidnapped and raped. We assume the extreme, all negative thoughts conquer our mind. We think about a kinap or torture, murders and rapes, accidents etc. This is natural. This is how we are designed and this how we function. A father arranges the most expensive wedding for her daughter and after everything has been perfectly done he asks the event manager and his family – “what if it rains? what if the relatives are not happy? What if the food is not good? When I was in first standard and I had my annual exam I started crying and asked my mother – “what if I cannot answer even one question from the question paper, what if all the questions come from that one chapter I left, what if I fail!” My mother used to smile and say – It will all be good and minutes later I would be just fine.

So it’s a proven fact that no matter how strong we are or appear to be, we tend to worry, assume the worse and then take stress. How can we change this? Do we need a person always by our side saying “It will be good!”? Do we always need that sympathy from mother, husband, friends and siblings? Do we need depression pills for our nerves and make us unaware of the tensions we have, do we need to live in a fictitious world and run away from reality or do we need to curse our parents for having us and blame God for the situation we encounter? No we don’t!

One easy way is to be hopeful, positive and to laugh it out. Be thankful for now, be thankful for the moment. You are better off than million others in the world and you’re the hero of your movie. Make it a happy one. You might want complement it with some drama, romance, action sequence, tragedy, flashy costumes, locations, songs followed by a happy ending. Love yourself and the people around you. The more you critisise and loathe people and become judgmental about them or assume situations with the worst outcome, the more you go away from the first three real situations which were so different from one another yet beautiful. The malice of judgments will sway away unquestionable feelings which you experienced when you were happy, sad and scared with the one' s you love. Capture the beautiful moments in your mind and try to repeat them with the same people from time to time. The Joy of Living can be experience at any age, any time, right NOW ...till the moment you are on your death bed when flashes from your life will give you that complete feeling. Make a wish list, work towards it and finish it. We come with no validity, enjoy the moment with zeal and live it up!

In a parallel world...

He was alone that night with her, it was raining and he was shivering, she took off her dupatta and gave it to him, he covered himself and was grateful to her. It was a chilly December night and at 11:30 pm on the streets on Delhi, some say it’s a nightmare; some call it the rape capital of India. One could hardly see anything in the fog and the drizzle. As he walked a lot of emotions were running in his mind. Then he chuckled “he was a man”, what can possibly go wrong. She was walking audaciously, smiling, eating an ice cream and chatting. She had a beautiful smile. He looked at her and said, don’t you think it’s late, it’s not safe! She said – “I am there, you need not worry”! They had known each other since quite some time so he could blindly trust her. But the 1% fear is always there.

His parents lived in another city and were always worried about his safety. The day he was born, the entire clan was disenchanted. His grandmother gave the sorrowful news to all, in a rather very gloomy tone, that a baby boy was born. She was so ill-fated that she did not talk to her daughter in law for months. Every time he came near her, she thought of him as a good for nothing adult who would make his parents ashamed of him. They did not have that kind of money to be spent when he would get married. They, like everybody wanted to have a girl! As he grew up his little sister was always given the first preference and supreme attention. Most of the times, he felt that he was mistreated and his sisters were nurtured and pampered like a princess. He never complained. He studied on his own and came to Delhi University for higher studies. He was always scared of the raucous city and especially those notorious girls, some of them were even daughters of politicians and some, criminals on the loose.

The weather was perfect and he liked her a lot. Over the months they would sometimes bunk classes, find excuses and meet every evening to spend time with each other. She was quite admired by her professors and was popular in college and a lot of guys were after her, he always wondered why she chose him. He also feared that she might be having an affair or might leave him someday but she never gave him a chance to make his worst feelings come true. She was the most loyal, caring and loving girlfriend one could ever have. He felt safe when he was around her. She was bright, good looking, smart, was in her college football team, funny and she could cook too! He was an average student at school, somehow completed his engineering and got a placement through reference because he did not want to sit at home with his parents who would always compare him with the apple of their eye, his sister. He feared if he did not work, he would be forcibly married to one of those successful women entrepreneurs and he would be caged forever, taking care of their kids and just socialising with other house husbands.

As they walked through the broad uninhabited roads of the capital with some street light flickering, a group of girls approached him, they looked raucous and he was petrified. One of them even had a weapon in her hands. She did not realise that they were surrounding him and was busy chit chatting and finishing her ice cream. Then a hefty girl started dragging him in the car. She looked up and bellowed, if anyone even tries to hurt him, I will not spare even one of you. She put the ice cream stick in the eyes of the lady who was pulling him through the window. They tried to escape, she picked a rod from the road and started hitting their van. They finally escaped but he had bruises all over his face. She reassured him and told him that everything will be alright. He was angry that she did not listen to him earlier and was now a little scared of her when he saw her in full rage, hitting the van like a beast and running behind it.

Later, he asked her a question – “Darling, when we get married and have kids and if we fight sometime, will you get angry and hit me or the kids, the same way you hit those girls the other day?”, she just smiled and comforted him.

#this is a true story based on the following assumptions -

- Female foeticide happened because of men

- Females were respected more than men

- India became a female dominating society

- Dowry had to be given by men and not women

- Houses can be run with women as “head of the family” and men supporting them

- Domestic violence was carried out by women

- The word “male-ego” did not exist

- Women were not scared of anything

- Men were raped every year and were scared to go out

- Women were so strong that they could protect themselves and men

- The streets of Delhi were just about women after 11pm

- Men were not given as much credit as women in offices or at home.

 

Life at the eleventh hour!

This one’s my first in 2015, after a long time; I now have a collection of over 25 unfinished snippets written over the last 3 months, sitting in corners, trains, planes and buses. I was never able to complete them and it undeniably portrays my muddled and hurried life. So this weekend I decided to turn things over, forget everything else, spend some quality time with family, let my hair down, cook, write, smile, do what I like, played with a dog, joked and danced like a fool! It feels like someone just pressed F5 on the button of my life (else it could have been a forced system shut down)

We all crave for balance in our lives particularly when one activity in our routine eclipses the other, be it work, duty, responsibility or a deadline. I know workaholics who would take a few days off out of India with their family once in a year and name it a luxury vacation and then get back to the daily rut, to each its own, works for them! Nowadays children are more used to keepers than fathers and nannies than mommy’s! We are all busy earning a quality life for ourselves and our children. Because the whole meaning of quality is not based on basic, it has traversed to luxury. Children want an “image” which is popular but at the same time “superficial”. Girls want to be supermodels than being fit or healthy, we are into designer labels. Boys want their gadgets and branded jackets and shoes because that’s the inn thing. We want labels and mansions and beach houses with big cars and to achieve all of that, one has to work so hard for hours, which is the sad circle of life. So where is the time for us, our health, fitness, time for family or our interests? Unfortunately our interests and family is cornered or ignored when one is not born with a silver spoon and has to work hard to accomplish the worth one dreams of. This also leads to a number of diseases particularly like obesity, depression, low self-esteem and condemning yourself and the ones near you. So how does one save himself/ herself by not becoming a mad bot?

Henceforth, it is alright to open up and share. It is essential to exercise and engage in physical activities. It is alright to be social, meet new people, act foolish and dance once in a while. Though the one week vacation to an unknown place with a beach house or that luxury hotel on the hill top will give you some quality time with your family but remember you will be back to the same “I don’t recognize my kid anymore” situation from the coming Monday when you join work. Take out time and try to understand your family. Be meaningfully engaged on a day to day basis with your family. Silence causes a jagged communication hurdle in a relationship. Talk it out, laugh more and value what you have, be it family or your own accomplishments. It is tragic how having a balanced life just remains as phoney new year’s resolution for some. Almost all successful people have the right kind of support and love from their family; these people never disregarded or ignored their own family but worked hard with them on their side. Eradicate the loud desperation and insecurity about that job of yours or the not so perfect body of yours. Try to fall in love with both. Let us set the boundaries of our own lives, live by our rules where personal life is concerned. Time shall never come back again, so shall age. Once gone it will be gone with us confused, hurried, trying to complete targets and accomplishing our monthly salaries all the while. So save some time for fun which is later automatically converted to a memory. To wake up well rested and happy and sleep with no tensions or with a smile shouldn’t be an aim. Relationships fail when you marry your work or do something robotically day to day and hate yourself when there is no balance. We don’t want to be so busy making a living that we forget how to live.

We live in a society where men are supposed to work more in the office on “difficult” tasks than women, which is a separate debate altogether. Why do we irrespective of our gender have to define ourselves so strongly by our jobs? Someone working to death in a society is looked up as a virtue whereas the situation would might just be opposite in the organization one works for. Top organizations around the world strive for outcome, innovation and creativity and not just backbreaking or protracted efforts and extra time in office for a non-value add. Remember that the classic corporate or business warrior or the obsessed over children, all time mother and housewife needs a break! Get your physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual side right because success is not slogging to obtain all the luxuries but passion and balance. A life well lived with your family and friends looks like heaven.