"Love shall evolve" - The Utopian Mirage

Midnight, at the dining table, she waited,

He said he had dinner and was sated.

She said nothing and wrapped the utensils,

While he murmured on the phone with the counsels,

I am suffocated, get me out of here, he said,

She over-heard, and smiled at her fate, instead.

She heard the door bang as he left the house,

Drowsy, she peeped from the blanket like a cute mouse.

Her mother called and inquired if she was happy.

And the newly married bride questioned if all marriages are this scrappy?

Mother was worried and said if she compromised,

She said anything through which my pain is minimized.

That evening, he called and said he would come home early,

When she saw what he got for her she cried abysmally.

She thought he would take her to movies and she dressed elegantly,

Instead, he got her divorce papers and told her to sign them arrogantly.

With tears rolling down her eyes she said,

I thought these were tickets to Hilton-head.

I have hopes and want children and grandchildren with you,

He said - I don’t think I can handle this, please bid me an adieu.

Can’t we just compromise and embrace what future allows?

I need my freedom; I was forced to take the vows…

And the wise say, never tie a knot when you are not ready,

Or one shall still compromise, but your life will be shady.

No love? Then no bondage is the key,

He still hates her and in utter confusion is she…

You're Happy...I am Happy!

And after a long time I was unwell, I was off-color this time because of the weather change, exertion, travel, stress and street food. While I just wanted to take a hot water bath and sleep, I just could not sleep. Just to give the readers a tiny little sneak peak of my idea on sleeping and rest, I would remark that sleeping is “a waste of time”. You have to open your eyes and do something or the other for the fact that you are a human being who has the sacred ability to think and express. The “something” could be as useless as writing an office email or making a to-do list or as fruitful as talking to family, friends and relatives on the phone! So sleeping according to me is the last thing on priority. I cannot sleep until I am unwell or completely worn out.

Now my eyes are swollen but I want to write. Write about all those things that make me happy, that bring a smile on my face, even when I think about them. What really makes one happy? Does it have to be big events like a promotion or marriage or a divorce may be? Or little events like finding something dear you lost earlier or an unexpected holiday at work or the most common one – when your boss is sick and you have less pressure at work!

We have a very distinctive piece inside us – our heart. It is indeed weird! I mean I have not seen anything zanier than the functioning of the human heart (psychologically that is). The reactions it gives are instantaneous. Also the greedy bastard is never happy! (Pardon my language)

So what makes the wise say – never follow your heart, do what your brain says! Because the selfish bastard (pardon my language again) wants everything that is attractive to the eye and then the vamp plays ugly politics on our acquitted brain!

Let’s take the following situations. These have been segregated for girls and boys. Take a look at them. The ones in braces are our thoughts –

Girls-

·        You see  another girl with a Gucci bag, designer pumps and a French manicure (you want all)

·        You see another girl with a perfect guy (why haven’t I found my Mr. Perfect?)

·        Your best friend gets married (am I the only one who is single?)

·        Your parents fight and nag but the neighbors never fight and their daughter goes to late night parties (why God why do I have the most irritating parents ever!)

·        You can never have that flawless hair that your classmate has and your crush remarks – I so love her hair! (I need to mix bleach in her shampoo)

Boys-

·   You did not get promoted. Your MBA batch mate is a Senior Manager and you are a team lead (@#$%%#$)

·        Your batch mates are married and have kids and you have neither (#$##%@%$$^%^@#)

·        Your boss is unfair and gives you more work than a colleague and you get less or nil appreciations than him rather he humiliates you (there is somebody up there who is watching everything!)

·        Your junior has a car and a house but you don’t (I am a loser! LOSER)

·        You kid does not consider you as the best father (Failed parent…I should be crucified)

So what makes us “compare” ourselves with others? As liberated individuals aren’t we unique and different and are supposed to do things like the way we want them to be done. Why do we think that if the other person drives a luxurious flashy car, breathes in the posh air of L.A and goes holidaying every six months to lavish places is “happy”? Are they really contented? Even if they were, we are not “them”! I would certainly not want to do what my rich uncle or celebrity aunt does for happiness! It’s my life and I know what is best for me and what makes me happy!

So be it a smile on a child’s face or your parents saying “I am proud of you beta” or a little gesture for someone who did not eat for days or financial help for someone’s future or just a shoulder to someone who cannot walk can make me happier than a luxurious holiday with a Jacuzzi, an expensive safari, or the feeling of just getting high for the sake of it! It depends from people to people! If all the rich thought that they would help all the poor then there would be no poor on the planet! But how will we differentiate in that case? Differentiation is an old habit which started from the caste system back in the 30’s! We still differentiate. We do. We feel envious of the upper cast (the girl who has a Gucci bag and the colleague who got promoted) and pity the lower (oh poor baby can’t even afford a car!). So until and unless we stop differentiating we cannot be happy and here is the answer for happiness!

For a week promise yourself to be happy for all the reasons the people who matter to you are happy. Do not resentfully wish secretly in your heart “what if I had that, instead say, I shall have that soon and work towards it! It really works and the very positivity shall bring a smile on your face!

The First Rains

After the scorching heat and dreary afternoons in the capital, I came home for a much desired small vacation, after 6 long months. 

The first day after a long taxing Indian railway journey - my train journeys by the way are always sad. I tend to depend on Indian Railways for a lot of reasons mostly because they are economical; I would not consider them cheap though, since we always prefer air conditioned coaches than the others. Most of the times I am surrounded by kids, the little ones who love to cry out loud (really loud) for no specific reason...senior citizens and uncles who love to snore and gawky strangers who love to ogle women, like a piece of meat making one uncomfortable and awkward. I question nature for offering eyes to such anthropoids!

Anyway, when the train reached my home town, as always my father was there to pick me up, after smiles and hugs concluded, I realized that the weather was pleasant. I was still irritated rather maddened by the hot weather, power cuts and the exhaustion in the capital. The moment I reached home, there were heavy rains (The timing was just so appropriate) and I got the sweetest welcome from my grandfather who exclaimed “You are so lucky that we had our first monsoon today”.

Rains are directly proportional to my smile. Like a stupid one year old who laughs every time when you make senseless funny gestures, sounds or antics, I smiled when it rained, each time. The feeling was awesome like I found something which I was yearning for long. I felt like ringing every friend of mine in Delhi and shouting that it’s raining here! But that would be mean and costly since my phone was on roaming and I was on sick leave from office

Since childhood I have loved rains, getting wet on the terrace and sneezing quietly repeatedly because you always fought a battle with an elder in the family with a motive to drench. So my mother smiled and told my maid “the children were enjoying upstairs…they love to get drenched in the rain”. My maid said I dare not let my children do that because the roof sheets of our house fly and maximum children in the slums and street urchins die when the asbestos sheets fall accidently on them. Her 4 year old died the same way. With red watery eyes she said, I was married at 20, He was my first kid. Rains are evil, she exclaimed.

I was present right there, overhearing while I wiped my hair with a towel, waiting for my coffee to boil. The smile, weather, rains, Bollywood picture of the sexy heroine dancing in a chiffon saree to please the hero started to fade away. She said that he was bleeding profusely after the neighbor’s roof fled and hit his head. Her baby’s blood and skin were washed in the rain after the shed hit him, till a part of his skull was visible. I did not realize that the coffee over boiled and started to overflow. I could just visualize a mother holding her dead toddler tight in her arms shrieking in remorse.

Thanks to the amazing fertility and skills of Indian men, my downtrodden maid and her husband hadn’t heard anything about family planning. My maid has 4 children and earns as much as the cost of an iPhone (second hand 2G that is), annually, a bare 3 digit salary a month INR.

So once you have so much activity (work, kids, husband who is the pain in the right area) in your life, you tend to get busy and likely reconcile after a while. But the very dialogue of my mother about kids getting wet in the rain scraped the miserable wounds from her memory lane. She was quiet for a minute, reached out to get some lemon flavored soap on the sponge and continued washing the utensils again.

And the devil in me or the ‘practical’ dame in me said – There are most horrible circumstances and mishaps than these. These people are illiterate, can produce four mighty children even after one is dead with such meager earning for god sake! Come on, don’t blame the awesome weather, it’s the irresponsible lady and her good for nothing Hercules husband who cannot afford a safe lifestyle for his kids, still breeds them. So I consoled myself and progressed towards the balcony sipping my Coffee (now half since it was over boiled).

The moment I reached for a chair and gaped outside, I saw a lady crying loudly, holding her dead son in her arms. I rubbed my eyes and realized it was not a movie or a dream, I took another sip of my Coco and Cinnamon flavored hot cappuccino. There was yet another woman screaming with a dead kid in her hands and this one even louder. What the hell was wrong?

The first rains were becoming too hard to digest now, don’t people pass away out of thirst or massive heat strokes in peak summers, and don’t they perish in winters or die in other seasons such as autumn or spring for the matching whys and wherefores? Why the drama now? Millions of people like my maid must have suffered more atrocious things than that, what is the fault of the weather here…why blame the amazing weather?

So I thought the right things to do were to lend a hand in my own little way –

1.    Help them build their houses to be water proof and strong or shock resistant in the brutal winds or heavy rains

2.    Tying the asbestos roof so tightly to the bamboo sticks that they don’t move forget landing on children’s head while they enjoy rains (very doable)

3.    Awareness on family planning (which is not related here but 4 kids…are you kidding me?, things you know you can talk about)

4.    Making houses in vicinity to hospitals or doctors

5.    Calling the area in charge/ mayor in case of emergencies, spreading a help line number.

We often think that cases like such must be in a million in number, in the world. What will make us the hero here? But the right thing is to help someone and give something to someone that you always had but the other person never had. Happiness is the biggest gift you can impart. Your diminutive deeds and minor considerations can bring about a major transformation in someone’s life.

In the end, I still love rains …the first rains for all good reasons but making someone else love nature the way I do is also a challenge now.