My feet...My Shoes!

They were meeting for the first time. It was a blind date, her friend had set up. She was tensed and fidgety. Before looking at his face, his Jhony Bravo like smile and physique she looked at his shoes. They said “Woodland” with a tree like woodland logo, the ranger make of those shoes made her contemplate he might be adventurous. They looked at each other with unmitigated expressions and she said in a soft tone “You like travelling?” He smiled and said 27 states, 8 countries…I love to travel. Relaxed, she could now converse for an hour about travel, food, traveling agents and the like. And then with a wry smile and a virtual tap on her shoulder, she wondered – “What a guess ;)”

Noticing and observing the shoes of people when you come face to face seems to be just a stupid and a peculiar rather a strange habit but it definitely makes you understand the “type” of person he/she is. Not trying to be judgmental here but it really helps. Shoes teach us a lot…read through what I write and you will understand how we can categorize and fathom people on the basis of their shoes.

To my dear (angrezi phoruner phriends) foreigner friends I mean – The word for slippers in Hindi is “Chappal”. That’s how we address shoes in India. But as a girl in her twenties I have explored, been obsessed with and collected a lot of shoes …a few I know of are -

Stiletto Heels, Kitten Heels, Cone Heels, Bellies, Prism Heels, Pumps, Spool Heels, Wedges, Sling backs, Flats, Sneakers (low top/ High Top), Clogs, Espadrilles, Marie Jane Shoes, Ballet Flats, Mules, Boots, Platform Heels, Athletic/ sports/ running/track/tennis/walking/gyming shoes, Beach shoes, Monk straps, Wingtip shoes, Galoshes, Pointes, Sandals, Slides, Mukluks, Flip Flops, Moccasins, Cleats, Kamiks, gladiators, Tap shoes, Saddle shoes, Open Toes Shoes, Indian Variety - Kolapuris, Canvas Shoes, Punjabi jutti, Beeded with glitter and flowers and fruits and colorful candy etc., Morris, Oshos, khussa shoes, gliders, Juttis etc (phewwww)

You can accurately judge a person just by looking at their shoes, psychologists say. Researchers at the University of Kansas found that people were able to correctly judge a stranger's age, gender, income, political affiliation, emotional and other important personality traits just by looking at the person's shoes. Lead researcher Omri Gillath found that by examining the style, cost, color of condition of the shoe, participants were able to guess about 90 percent of the of the owner's personal characteristics.

So I am certainly NOT wrong here. But what if the person is wearing some one else’s shoes? Wouldn’t that be a little unfair? The whole concept on one hand sounds too judgmental, but on the other hand, people do wear shoes that reveal their personality, whether they intend to or not.

Expensive shoes belong to high earners (predictable). Flashy and colorful footwear belonged to extroverts and shoes that were not new but appeared to be spotless belonged to conscientious types.

While some of the clues like the ones already described were obvious, other clues are more surprising.

Practical and functional shoes generally belong to agreeable people (I have always seen my Mom and Grandmother in DR Scholl’s). Ankle boots fit with more aggressive personalities and uncomfortable looking shoes were worn by calm personalities.

Shoes serve a practical purpose, and also serve as nonverbal cues with symbolic messages. Quite a lot of people tend to pay attention to the shoes they and others wear. "Shoes have great variety of styles, brands, looks, and functions. Because of this variety, shoes can carry individual difference information, but do they? I suggest the answer is yes and so does researchers.

However, psychologists noted that rarely some people will purposely choose shoes just to convey a certain public image that is different from their real personality. So there, I rest my case my lord.

According to me, shoes can be related to human lives, in a psychological way. The size of the shoe remains the same after a certain age, like the inner you, the beautiful girl/ handsome boy in you, the child in you, the flirt in you. The innocence that remains in you throughout your life, whereas the make, color, brand, taste, comfort and appearance changes. If the shoe does not fit, we do not change the foot. A shoe that is too large is apt to trip one, and when too small, to pinch the feet. The silliest thing is to get expensive baby shoes, because as the baby grows the shoe is doomed to be wasted, and if you still linger upon them, it gives blisters (shoe bites). The same situation when you have a high ego, if you still have it, it will give you blisters (bites that leave a deep mark). I have a cousin who is in school, his shoes are worn out, every now and then and my aunt happily says – “these are the days when he would play and grow tall and handsome”. So she gets him shoes from the most expensive brands so that the playful lad could concentrate on his football sessions comfortably. We go to the cobbler with high hopes to get our dearest shoe repaired; the sole can be changed but what about the soul if it were us? Stress disrupts human thinking? I say uncomfortable shoes disrupt human thinking. Ever walked in uncomfortable shoes and then walked on wet grass with bare foot? The feeling is just so incredible. That can be related to an unhappy relationship and then liberation…weeeeee…freedom! Or a nice holiday for a week after concluding your targets at work! Or that pebble in your shoe that irritates you and makes your life miserable, you cannot achieve anything until you shake it off from your shoe and take a deep sigh of relief.

Cinderella wouldn’t find her perfect prince if she hadn’t lost one shoe, not trying to make a point here, to carelessly leave or forget one shoe anywhere (preferably men’s locker room), but it was the shoe in the end, that made her a popular fairy tale heroine. (Really?)

Heard of passion for walking barefoot? Late Mr. Hussain (the Picasso of India) walked barefoot throughout his life, he never wore shoes! Now he wasn’t insane, he wasn’t poor (at all), the abstract paintings had bottomless capacity to make uninterrupted moolah, he was efficacious and tremendously artistic and imaginative…I mean the Richie’s who drive long luxurious cars, live in castles but still crave to earn a 'Hussain' on that exceptional wall. What was the reason for wearing no shoes then? ...He loved the feel of soil. I find that (unhygienic yes) but truly incredible. That’s innocent love…true love I say. Sticking to what feels good which brings that smile to your face.

Shoes teach us a lot, the cheap ones like the negative people the villains in your life who criticize and let you down have to be disposed and the expensive ones (family, friends and peers) have to be worn with extreme care.

Gawking at my shoe stand right now and thinking of accomplishing some more, I would say, it should be never so much about the shoes, but the person wearing them.

Everything and More...

It was 8 degrees in the capital today and I was literally shivering. I went to the nearest mall to grab a cup of coffee which would warm my numb hands and defrost my tongue. While I was at the coffee shop I ordered 1 cappuccino to-go…and the man at the counter billed it and asked me to wait for 10 minutes because of the rush. There was no place to sit in the busy evening 7ish hour of the coffee place so I chose to stand in the corner waiting for my coffee, sinking my cold numb hands in the deepest corners of my pockets. Restless as I am I started fiddling with my phone and looking around. There was a lot of noise.

Towards my right diagonal say 10 o clock there were fine gentlemen in their late 20’s or early 30’s (not all of them were charming) but over all, well bred, sophisticated and very well dressed. One of them had a classy leather bag which grabbed my attention and all six were so engrossed talking that I could barely hear.

It was just 2 minutes and I was told to wait for my order. So I started to concentrate further towards the hot “topic” among the boys and there I began to overhear. Bad habit though but amazing time-pass.

So one of them said – and this is why I don’t talk to girls. I so wanted to know “why”! I HAVE TO KNOW why…its my fundamental right to know why this fellow would elude girls for some disconcerting reason. The other one said – dude I am married, I am telling you they are all nice and cute in the beginning but from the day we got married till now, it has been 2 years or so she is a pain. Sometimes you cannot tolerate pain but other times you just deal with it. The third one said to him – you are so lucky you are married, we have been seeing each other since the last seven years and she still threatens that she will leave me one day and that I would not be able to do anything about it. All the while there was one who was very quiet, he hardly spoke and when others tried to ask him rather include him in the conversation he said – I am a happily married man, I see no fault in my relationship and everything is fine.

The stupid waiter started asking me about sugar and anything else mam etc. in the mean while and I missed some part I believe but I couldn’t resist and started to pretend that I was busy…started fiddling with my phone again and sat on a small table beside a little away from them.

1.    He just gave an opener I guess, which I missed, and then he continued. Think of women as – he started looking around for an example and then looked at his large coffee mug…think of women as a cup of coffee. The other five were quiet now and wanted an explanation for such casual comparison with the problem of their lives – so did I, suddenly I represented the women on earth and wanted an explanation too rather enlightenment ...so I listened more carefully now, pretending to read the menu.

2.    He pointed towards his cup and said - You cannot drink this coffee when it is very hot: Never talk, misbehave or aggravate a woman when she is angry. It will burn you and your blister your tongue.

3.    You have to drink this hot coffee at room temperature or cold – just the balance : talk in a gentle mood (room temperature) and do not neglect her (cold)

4.    Pour milk per your choice in this black coffee: you have an impact on her, your personality will reflect her and vice versa. Initial years and your actions will result and reflect throughout life (the amount of milk poured is permanent till the end if more)

5.    Sugar should be not too high or too low because it will be bitter: appreciate her not too much that she thinks it’s fake. Do not be bitter, else you wont be able to live

6.    Appreciate the waiter for he would serve you properly the next time also: appreciate and regard her family as yours, it will be all good as a result.

7.    Flavor it with chocolate, cinnamon, butterscotch for more taste : do not be boring, take interest in whatever she says, feel her emptiness (if the coffee is bland) and provide solutions (flavor it up) for a delightful taste.

8.    Respect the expensive cup and enjoy every bit of it: regard and respect your lady. She is the most desired, high maintenance asset of your life, the cup that you would demand and enjoy.

9.    You never leave the coffee that you ordered mid way and order another lest it is undeniably rubbish and you had no idea what you ordered in the first place : be loyal, our cup or your lady is yours till the end, do not have an eye on others coffee or you will have mixed tastes. You would forcibly change it (break the relationship) only when the expensive coffee (your valued marriage) is venomous or extremely disgusting.

10. Snacks with coffee are amazing - she will blend with every addition you give her in the most loving way – cake (children), sandwich (friends and family) etc.

11. You can take the cup far and wide when its to-go (love marriages, living away from family) – it will warm your hands and throat. Drinking it here is also an option but that way you will have to see if all others  have finished their coffee or not (arrange marriage – more compromises) but any which way the coffee is yours.

The others heard and all that while I considered myself as a cup of coffee and smiled. A coffee bean, may be because, I am not married yet ...but amazing co-relation! Till then my cup was empty but I wanted to hear more…and it was getting late. They all heard like a saint was enchanting prayers. And then one of them said – mine is Irish coffee, the other said mine is frappe…and I just got up and came home and smiled at the interesting comparison overheard at the coffee place.

You're Happy...I am Happy!

And after a long time I was unwell, I was off-color this time because of the weather change, exertion, travel, stress and street food. While I just wanted to take a hot water bath and sleep, I just could not sleep. Just to give the readers a tiny little sneak peak of my idea on sleeping and rest, I would remark that sleeping is “a waste of time”. You have to open your eyes and do something or the other for the fact that you are a human being who has the sacred ability to think and express. The “something” could be as useless as writing an office email or making a to-do list or as fruitful as talking to family, friends and relatives on the phone! So sleeping according to me is the last thing on priority. I cannot sleep until I am unwell or completely worn out.

Now my eyes are swollen but I want to write. Write about all those things that make me happy, that bring a smile on my face, even when I think about them. What really makes one happy? Does it have to be big events like a promotion or marriage or a divorce may be? Or little events like finding something dear you lost earlier or an unexpected holiday at work or the most common one – when your boss is sick and you have less pressure at work!

We have a very distinctive piece inside us – our heart. It is indeed weird! I mean I have not seen anything zanier than the functioning of the human heart (psychologically that is). The reactions it gives are instantaneous. Also the greedy bastard is never happy! (Pardon my language)

So what makes the wise say – never follow your heart, do what your brain says! Because the selfish bastard (pardon my language again) wants everything that is attractive to the eye and then the vamp plays ugly politics on our acquitted brain!

Let’s take the following situations. These have been segregated for girls and boys. Take a look at them. The ones in braces are our thoughts –

Girls-

·        You see  another girl with a Gucci bag, designer pumps and a French manicure (you want all)

·        You see another girl with a perfect guy (why haven’t I found my Mr. Perfect?)

·        Your best friend gets married (am I the only one who is single?)

·        Your parents fight and nag but the neighbors never fight and their daughter goes to late night parties (why God why do I have the most irritating parents ever!)

·        You can never have that flawless hair that your classmate has and your crush remarks – I so love her hair! (I need to mix bleach in her shampoo)

Boys-

·   You did not get promoted. Your MBA batch mate is a Senior Manager and you are a team lead (@#$%%#$)

·        Your batch mates are married and have kids and you have neither (#$##%@%$$^%^@#)

·        Your boss is unfair and gives you more work than a colleague and you get less or nil appreciations than him rather he humiliates you (there is somebody up there who is watching everything!)

·        Your junior has a car and a house but you don’t (I am a loser! LOSER)

·        You kid does not consider you as the best father (Failed parent…I should be crucified)

So what makes us “compare” ourselves with others? As liberated individuals aren’t we unique and different and are supposed to do things like the way we want them to be done. Why do we think that if the other person drives a luxurious flashy car, breathes in the posh air of L.A and goes holidaying every six months to lavish places is “happy”? Are they really contented? Even if they were, we are not “them”! I would certainly not want to do what my rich uncle or celebrity aunt does for happiness! It’s my life and I know what is best for me and what makes me happy!

So be it a smile on a child’s face or your parents saying “I am proud of you beta” or a little gesture for someone who did not eat for days or financial help for someone’s future or just a shoulder to someone who cannot walk can make me happier than a luxurious holiday with a Jacuzzi, an expensive safari, or the feeling of just getting high for the sake of it! It depends from people to people! If all the rich thought that they would help all the poor then there would be no poor on the planet! But how will we differentiate in that case? Differentiation is an old habit which started from the caste system back in the 30’s! We still differentiate. We do. We feel envious of the upper cast (the girl who has a Gucci bag and the colleague who got promoted) and pity the lower (oh poor baby can’t even afford a car!). So until and unless we stop differentiating we cannot be happy and here is the answer for happiness!

For a week promise yourself to be happy for all the reasons the people who matter to you are happy. Do not resentfully wish secretly in your heart “what if I had that, instead say, I shall have that soon and work towards it! It really works and the very positivity shall bring a smile on your face!

The First Rains

After the scorching heat and dreary afternoons in the capital, I came home for a much desired small vacation, after 6 long months. 

The first day after a long taxing Indian railway journey - my train journeys by the way are always sad. I tend to depend on Indian Railways for a lot of reasons mostly because they are economical; I would not consider them cheap though, since we always prefer air conditioned coaches than the others. Most of the times I am surrounded by kids, the little ones who love to cry out loud (really loud) for no specific reason...senior citizens and uncles who love to snore and gawky strangers who love to ogle women, like a piece of meat making one uncomfortable and awkward. I question nature for offering eyes to such anthropoids!

Anyway, when the train reached my home town, as always my father was there to pick me up, after smiles and hugs concluded, I realized that the weather was pleasant. I was still irritated rather maddened by the hot weather, power cuts and the exhaustion in the capital. The moment I reached home, there were heavy rains (The timing was just so appropriate) and I got the sweetest welcome from my grandfather who exclaimed “You are so lucky that we had our first monsoon today”.

Rains are directly proportional to my smile. Like a stupid one year old who laughs every time when you make senseless funny gestures, sounds or antics, I smiled when it rained, each time. The feeling was awesome like I found something which I was yearning for long. I felt like ringing every friend of mine in Delhi and shouting that it’s raining here! But that would be mean and costly since my phone was on roaming and I was on sick leave from office

Since childhood I have loved rains, getting wet on the terrace and sneezing quietly repeatedly because you always fought a battle with an elder in the family with a motive to drench. So my mother smiled and told my maid “the children were enjoying upstairs…they love to get drenched in the rain”. My maid said I dare not let my children do that because the roof sheets of our house fly and maximum children in the slums and street urchins die when the asbestos sheets fall accidently on them. Her 4 year old died the same way. With red watery eyes she said, I was married at 20, He was my first kid. Rains are evil, she exclaimed.

I was present right there, overhearing while I wiped my hair with a towel, waiting for my coffee to boil. The smile, weather, rains, Bollywood picture of the sexy heroine dancing in a chiffon saree to please the hero started to fade away. She said that he was bleeding profusely after the neighbor’s roof fled and hit his head. Her baby’s blood and skin were washed in the rain after the shed hit him, till a part of his skull was visible. I did not realize that the coffee over boiled and started to overflow. I could just visualize a mother holding her dead toddler tight in her arms shrieking in remorse.

Thanks to the amazing fertility and skills of Indian men, my downtrodden maid and her husband hadn’t heard anything about family planning. My maid has 4 children and earns as much as the cost of an iPhone (second hand 2G that is), annually, a bare 3 digit salary a month INR.

So once you have so much activity (work, kids, husband who is the pain in the right area) in your life, you tend to get busy and likely reconcile after a while. But the very dialogue of my mother about kids getting wet in the rain scraped the miserable wounds from her memory lane. She was quiet for a minute, reached out to get some lemon flavored soap on the sponge and continued washing the utensils again.

And the devil in me or the ‘practical’ dame in me said – There are most horrible circumstances and mishaps than these. These people are illiterate, can produce four mighty children even after one is dead with such meager earning for god sake! Come on, don’t blame the awesome weather, it’s the irresponsible lady and her good for nothing Hercules husband who cannot afford a safe lifestyle for his kids, still breeds them. So I consoled myself and progressed towards the balcony sipping my Coffee (now half since it was over boiled).

The moment I reached for a chair and gaped outside, I saw a lady crying loudly, holding her dead son in her arms. I rubbed my eyes and realized it was not a movie or a dream, I took another sip of my Coco and Cinnamon flavored hot cappuccino. There was yet another woman screaming with a dead kid in her hands and this one even louder. What the hell was wrong?

The first rains were becoming too hard to digest now, don’t people pass away out of thirst or massive heat strokes in peak summers, and don’t they perish in winters or die in other seasons such as autumn or spring for the matching whys and wherefores? Why the drama now? Millions of people like my maid must have suffered more atrocious things than that, what is the fault of the weather here…why blame the amazing weather?

So I thought the right things to do were to lend a hand in my own little way –

1.    Help them build their houses to be water proof and strong or shock resistant in the brutal winds or heavy rains

2.    Tying the asbestos roof so tightly to the bamboo sticks that they don’t move forget landing on children’s head while they enjoy rains (very doable)

3.    Awareness on family planning (which is not related here but 4 kids…are you kidding me?, things you know you can talk about)

4.    Making houses in vicinity to hospitals or doctors

5.    Calling the area in charge/ mayor in case of emergencies, spreading a help line number.

We often think that cases like such must be in a million in number, in the world. What will make us the hero here? But the right thing is to help someone and give something to someone that you always had but the other person never had. Happiness is the biggest gift you can impart. Your diminutive deeds and minor considerations can bring about a major transformation in someone’s life.

In the end, I still love rains …the first rains for all good reasons but making someone else love nature the way I do is also a challenge now.