The connection

When I close my eyes,

It is you I see.

When I remember you,

It is you in my dreams.

When I feel lonely,

It is you giving me a hug.

When I feel naughty,

It is you playing a prank.

And when I am gloomy,

It is you responsible for my smile.

When I shed a drop of tear,

It is you I feel.

When I laugh like a child,

It is you making me happy.

When I argue or fight,

It is you who calms me.

When I cook or clean,

It s you who appreciates me.

When I get promoted at work,

It is you who motivates me.

When your parents call me their daughter,

It is you - proud of me.

When I dress up,

It is you who admires me.

And when the world denies,

It is you standing by me.

When I act like a fool,

It is you who gives me wisdom and advice.

When I feel weak,

It is you who gives me strength.

But when you go away from me,

It is me who shatters.

When you stop talking to me,

It is me who becomes deaf.

When you see other women,

It is me who cries.

When you don’t realize,

It is me who lives in hope.

And when you don’t love me back,

It is me who dies.

Facepalm to Capital - Where are we heading to?

I am a proud citizen and I live in the capital city of India. The rich Capital city where millions of people, from around the globe come to visit the miraculously rich culture, heritage, indulge in food splurge and unite with unstinting and whole-hearty Indians. During winters the capital is all the more beautiful, no snowfall though but a lot of heartfelt memories to keep us all cozy and together.

And then one fine day almost at year end, we hear the news of a 23 year old medical student who came to pursue her internship in the capital, being raped by 5 men in a moving bus in a well lit, busy and posh locality, consequently hit by an iron rod and thrown out of the bus along with her male friend who was also brutally attacked and battered by iron rods…both struggling for their lives.

That’s the capital of my country – rich 'unsafe' culture and warm 'rapists and monstrous' people?

While the police are doing their job at their best but were we careful in the first place? Why is the crime rate so common and why are heinous crimes followed by lessons learnt and precautions taken subsequently. Why “thereafter”? “Thereafter” when an innocent girl was gang raped and people are dead and obliteration has taken place? What about the loss which could have been prevented.

Capital Fact File - Rape cases in India are the maximum in the world! Pollution in the air surmounts to maximum deaths by respiratory ailments. People die of hunger. 7 crore people are unemployed. Hypertension and depression are most common diseases after headache, cough and flu. Bribery and Corruption from the time a child takes admission in a school till he gets his pension, child labor, child abuse and abortions are at their peak not to forget domestic violence and sexual harassment! Alright Kasab is dead but does that mean terrorism is over? Where are we heading to?

While is it really difficult and challenging for everybody to educate everybody, can’t we take a little actions, measures and precautions on our own to sustain the culture, our freedom fighters sacrificed their lives for? There always will be an ‘evil’ and the ‘good’ will fight that evil ALWAYS. But we cannot make invisible the good to make evil win as a majority.

What harm will it take if we could give a poor family something to eat, teach some uneducated people who are not fortunate enough to pursue schooling, not spit on the roads and throw garbage in dustbins and take all pollution measures on our vehicles seriously. Will it hurt to have a strong opinion of respect towards other women and treat them like our mothers or sisters? Will it not take guts and prove you a pure gentleman or a woman of substance if you see someone bullying or harassing somebody and lodge a complaint against him/her? Will it make you less rich if you could donate a few clothes to someone who cannot afford clothes to cover their body? Do hell with religious riots aren't we HUMANS first…why would others culture and religion affect me – Can’t I respect his like my own? I am not spreading a message here even to miss a movie in the hall and do something extra ordinary for the nation – just minor gestures in our day to day life to make a change.

Shouldn't the vandalism by goons, arrest by cops because of FB post, the non performance of parliament, the failure of government and the “apathy “of leaders constitute gang rape of a nation?

The innocent girl who is battling for her life has ruined it already even if she fights through her last breath. The hopes, expectations, marriage and bright future of a family in a conservative country like ours is still a challenge, forget the mere sympathy of people for a year or so. The victim always suffers and the criminal, though punished or even if given a death penalty can do nothing after the irrevocable trauma, annihilation and devastation caused!

If the outrage does not extend to an “action” - be ready for more rapes on our women, our freedom, our rights and our country! 

12/12/12 – A note to my grandchildren.

I wanted to do something special on this date but did not get much time to climb mountains or do rafting. As they say - costly watches but no time, I was a little occupied working. 

By the way Rajnikant was born today and Pandit Ravi Shankar died. So here’s your homework to research on ‘God’ and the Sitar Maestro whose daughters were hot in our era.

I have no clue how the world would be in your generation, may be you will read this in a microchip already inserted in your brain as history master files which could be archived by year and time and buffered in micro seconds. May be you would not even know who I am or I even existed…may be you could be playing with me…one on my lap and the other on my shoulder and I would be narrating this story to you…MAY BE.

But just for the record, we are hearing that the world would end so I thought I would jot all of these for future reference, you know probably use these as pointers if I get the opportunity to be around you guys.

From the first quarter of my life I learnt these things – some developed, a few acquired and most – learnt from mistakes. Here they are: Granny’s 7 commandments –

      Be patient  

We have to absorb a lot of shit in life. A lot – be it family or friends at times, spouse, boss, irritating room mates, professors, nonsense people whose existence is illegitimate, pushy salesmen, domestic helps, BUT, do not rebel, fight or lose your temper. There is a right place for a right move. Compromising and being silent is the key sometimes.

      Enjoy Life

People, moments and more importantly stupid moments do not come again and again. Life runs – help people, smile, bring a smile on someone’s face, do something foolish everyday, laugh, make fun, do silly things, play pranks and let go. Life ha been pretty eventful so far but it flies.

      Never hold a grudge

Your grandmother does not believe in enemies. She thinks that if thoughts or opinions don’t match – they should part. If they cannot part think of yourself in your enemy’s shoes and react. Understanding the enemy is the key for nothing shall make him angrier than a smile or a good deed. In the act you will be the one who will be way higher than him and this shall make granny really proud of you.

      Love and Respect yourself

Granny has always been a fan of a person having high Self respect and standards like your great grand father. People having a high self esteem have and will always impress me. A person stays tall if he loves himself first and then others. Never sell yourself in front of people. True love and emotions reciprocate. If you do not respect yourself, forget respecting or admiring the world.

      Do not fool yourself

If you want to achieve something – go for it! If the plan is clear and the goal is known - start walking on the path you have chosen. There will be infinite hurdles, you will meet unnecessary people, bump into strangers who might become your mentors and miss the ones you love as at one point everybody vamooses and you would be on your own. Conclude the search and find that purpose of your life. Go for it – insanity is imperative!

      The law of attraction/reciprocation

If you respect someone, the respect comes back. Love someone and the person in front would love you back. If you admire someone truly, the feeling reciprocates after some time. Granny has felt it always – it is tried and tested. Pass a smile to your crush and he will smile back, love someone truly and the love is showered back provided you have absolutely clean intentions.

      Love superman J

Have a role model. Be it your parents, an actor, politician, a senior or granny. Granny used to love superman. Her office desk had a printout of superman, superman pajamas, superman dolls she got with Mc Donald's happy meal in her cupboard, superman bandanna, superman t-shirt and super man bed sheet (yeah we have this concept of beds we sleep on and we cover the mattresses with sheets). Having a role model would make you focused towards your shopping (I don't have to think when I have a superman print as an option) and most importantly evolve by acquiring all good qualities of your role model.

Have a great life - I would love to see you sometime.

Granny.

The Weekend

The rustling of leaves and the chilly breeze,

The smell of thin crust pizza with extra cheese.

Looked up in the sky and felt the first drop of rain,

Remembering lost ones as she felt the pain.

The full moon was as beautiful as her smile,

She was quiet and nostalgic for a little while.

Recalled an old joke and she smiled again,

Friends observed and declared her insane.

Just remembered something funny, she said,

And then there was a fight for the last piece of that damn bread!

Laughed merrily and pulled each other’s leg,

Let us sleep - early morning office someone would beg.

Come on few minutes extra - don’t be a cry baby,

These times will never come or may be…

She voyaged in the intercity metro to meet family and friends,

In the ladies partition she was aware of all latest trends.

Weekend’s over now – rush hour, work and profit is the key,

She sat alone in a corner and wondered with a cup of tea -

‘Yesterday I was with a lot of people alas look at me’!
After five days of work her brain shall slip to her knee.

Camaraderie counts be it parents, friends or spouse,

and the vacuity grubs you alive in your own house.

Striving to explore your happiness in others?

Be contented for you wont be shaken by shudders.

Shut her eyes and asked self if she was happy?

The rejoinder came from within – life is not that shabby.

Content with what she has, she then had a mysterious smile,

Hoping she could make Monday a lot more worthwhile!

Story Time

This is one of those stories that my grandmother told my mother and it passed on to me. It made me realize my worth as a human being or a girl – new age girl that is! This story is an epitome of building self esteem and discovering the “you”!

There was once a cobra named “Heera”. Amongst the entire breed of snakes, Heera was the bravest, fine looking, and handsomest of all. The other cobras envied him for the female cobras lured Heera and wanted him to be with him. He was the prince charming of the cobra clan. Every evening Heera used to hang around with his friends in the fine burrows of the City. He was the gentlest, sensitive, non-violent and humble of all the snakes. His friends mocked and teased him by saying “our heera is a ravishing vegetarian rat” and then they would all laugh about it. He loved the company of his friends, Heera used to laugh with them and pull each other’s leg. Every evening Heera used to enjoy the weather in the city and chat with his friends and then return home late. Heera’s father was a stringent cobra and wanted him to be home till midnight.
Days passed and Heera enjoyed his bachelorhood, checking out other attractive female cobras with his friends, munching, chatting merrily and returning home by mid-night. Months passed now but Heera’s confidence loosened day by day. His friends asked him for his everlasting awful mood and the reason behind his gloominess, but he never told them anything.

Heera’s condition worsened after a few days, his family thought he wasn’t well but the reason could not be found. Meanwhile every day Heera was injured and his wounds were really deep with bleeding scars, cuts and wounds. His friends and family were worried by seeing the abrasions on Heera’s fine body. He never told anybody anything and always came up with some justification or the other by changing the topic of discussion.

One day, Heera was so hurt that he was on the verge of death. His mother swore on him and asked him the reason. Heera started crying like a baby. He couldn't speak. After his mother wrapped him in her arms and asked him the reason again, Heera with tears in his eyes said -“Mumma, I have been the most non violent, gentle and humble snakes in my life. I haven’t caused anybody any harm ever. I care for everybody’s feelings and I do nothing wrong. I care for everybody’s feelings, and have always done the “Right” thing throughout my life. Then why each time when I cross the road the human beings on the road start shouting “”SNAKE SNAKE” and start hitting me with stones? I have no intentions of biting anybody ever then why do they hit me daily? I thought I could talk to them and sort matters out but the moment they look at me they start throwing stones at me till I bleed and act dead. Is being a snake a curse? Am I so bad that people hate me and hit me brutally? But I promise Mom that I have been always at my best behavior and I have not harmed or attacked anybody ever so why do they injure me every day? I pray every night to God saying if I am so worthless, dear God, why did you make me a snake?”

Mummy smiled and answered, she wasn’t worried anymore and knew how to handle poor Heera’s problem. She said- My son, we are the most vicious of all the species. It’s just that human beings are scared of us and they feel insecure that we may bite them. As a practice to self defense they throw stones at us. God has given us fangs for the same purpose. If we let somebody bully us – he will bully us! But if we show them that we are strong enough not to be bullied or taken advantage of then we respect ourselves. Power and Strength are to be used in the most righteous ways. She continued “Son if they don’t know your worth they will hurt you every day”. If you show them your fangs and your value clearly mentioning “I am a snake, I am not to be taken advantage of – Let go off me”, then no one can harm you. I am not telling you to bite them at the same time you are my fine and powerful son who cannot be hit by a human every day. Show them that the snake is never week and powerless”

            Self respect is significant. If we let someone bully us be it our colleague, friend or boss…we are not only falling week but at the same time cordially inviting the other to harm us -

1.      Learn to say NO to things/people who bring you down and crush our feelings.

2.      Remember the one who suffers knowingly is an equal criminal than the one who commits the crime

3.      Domestic violence/ sexual harassment or eve teasing – If not fought against can make him the most powerful bully. Not fighting against injustice or crime or not raising voice for corruption or bully’s is not being gentle, humble or sensitive - It is equally criminal. Standing up for your rights and showing or proving your worth has got nothing to do with education but awareness so that you are not hurt and are taken granted for.

Later that I came to know that my grandmother narrated the interesting version of Swami Vivekananda


Let people say whatever they like, stick to your own convictions, and rest assured, the world will be at your feet. They say, "Have faith in this fellow or that fellow", but I say, "Have faith in yourself first", that's the way. Have faith in yourself -- all power is in you -- be conscious and bring it out. Say, "I can do everything." "Even the poison of a snake is powerless if you can firmly deny it." Beware! No saying "nay", no negative thoughts! Say, "Yea, Yea," "So'ham, So'ham"--"I am He! I am He!" – Swami Vivekananda

My problem – Your Problem!

We often think of ourselves as the most imperative topic of the world (some of us certainly do!)

REALITY CHECK – If you are not supernatural or amongst the top 10 somebody’s, your existence is just like a piece of furniture under the sky!

Expectation is a bitch! You expect somebody to call you on your birthday – and somebody forgets. You act funny by not reminding the person…cursing him/her and promising not wishing him/her on their birthday to make them feel how it feels to be ignored, talking ill of the other evil person who ruined your life which was once happy and peaceful before they forgot to ring you on your birthday etc. is how most (shallow people) deal with it.. Can’t we just laugh about some things thinking that the person might be a human being or react casually by saying – It’s alright…happens - a bigger gift now!” Well that is the ideal … the bookish situation.

All of us have Problems! Life would be so perfect without problems. A few problems ‘we’ come across are listed below–

1.    Teething when you are tiny

2.    Wisdom tooth when you are not that tiny

3.    Teacher in school never took a leave while every morning you prayed for her death sincerely.

4.    God hates you…No one loves you phase bleehhh

5.    Crush has a girlfriend/boyfriend…no one loves you…ugly and poor are you?…bleeeh

6.    Telling your parents about your girlfriend/boyfriend – knowing that they shall reject

7.    Breakups – chocolate ice cream – gaining weight – sad songs and alcohol

8.    No one understands me -  salutation of the teen!

9.    Everyone understands me – now, that’s a problem too

10.  My life is going nowhere – what a waste to humanity.

11.  Too much work in office – makes you tired…Boss hates me…Coffee vending machine is not working…ugly politics at work…I never got the right opportunity…working for peanuts etc.

12.  No work – what the hell shall I fill in the damn status sheet

13.  Your family is so over protective and possessive about you – parents embarrass you!

14.  In winters – you love summers…in summers – you love winters!

15.  XYZ is so rude and dominating and mean! God doesn’t love me situation

16.  The most important – why me?

17.  Train reservations in Tatkal and cancelled leave plan by your boss

18.  In laws/relatives being villains/monsters and last nerve stimulators!

19.  Loss of a family member/dear ones or loss of money…property, purity or valuables

20.  Why all horrible things and people stick around your neck like a dead albatross…etc.

21.  What do I wear…I don’t have clothes (girls and gay applicable)

22.  Being a girl is a pain – accessories and shoes crap (refer to the brackets above)

23.  What if I fail…nail biting and nervous attack!

24.  My efforts at work are not appreciated – the beep (censored) gets a promotion every year!

25.  What if I get rejected/ignored – nail biting and nervous attack

26.  On passing/acceptance/selection – how will I do this? Nail biting and nervous attack

27.  Nail biting and nervous attack – on other “royal” issues!

Who decides which is a big or a small problem? For a new born, a seasonal rash or a wet diaper is the major problem and he would cry his throat out and get irritated equivalent to a housewife who lost her husband in a car accident leaving 3 kids and monster in laws behind.

We come across a million problems every day. Let us look at the brighter side here – we solve a million problems every day! But the only thing we DO NOT realize is that we spend three fourth of our time cribbing, publicizing or discussing the problem with others than gathering efforts in solving the same.

The million dollar question now - What makes us discuss our personal or someone else’s problems/issues with others? More than accepting a piece of advice from other people or doing exactly how they say – we become happy when our ego is massaged. Someone who says – ah you are doing right, stick with it is the trustworthy friend-in-need and the one who says – no, that’s wrong falls in the “you don’t love me – you snake” category.

Ultimately, you end up wasting a lot of time in the name of meaningful discussion or research and what you would have done when the problem just hit. The discussion, decision of others (that does not matter in 99.99% cases) and fickle mindedness might take a lag time of light years or minutes.

Clearly I am not denying a second opinion from the experienced or a fine research based on facts. However the spiced demonstration of your glitches and issues in the amphitheater pleading for sympathy in the name of – “I feel light when I share” is the area of concern.

Just think about the other person offering his benevolent ear to you. The person in front listens to your concerns because –

1.    He is related to you and has to listen – husband/wife/family/gf/bf

2.    Running short of topics for a discussion

3.    What a nice time pass, I love hearing your problems – so entertaining! Makes my day…

4.    Food for thought – I might learn from you (I have nothing else to do)

5.    Master – slave relationship. Your problem - my job!

6.    Let me have some substance to write/publish/announce at my get together at barney’s

7.    Feels so good to hear your personal problems, spice it up (demo of my creativity) and vomit in front of people who matter to me (worth the effort of listening to your crap)

8.    May be I can solve – No I can’t - god save you – shall chant your name in my prayers

9.    Give you a lecture about how careless or irresponsible you can be (because I care?)

     

      THE BEST – SYMPATHY DONORS – Awwwwww poor baby – too bad – awwwww. Take one more – awwwww. (are you single?) awwwwww

From the first quarter of my life (and enormously oozing wisdom), I have learnt that nobody in this freaking world can help you with your personal problems or diseases. Deal with them – Come out of them. As long as advice/suggestion or a second opinion is considered, they have that 0.01% weightage in the 99.99% decision and mindset already taken by you. If the outcome is bad we solely blame the entire thing on – she said/he told me to do so or the I thought blah blah story but only YOU are responsible for YOUR actions!

So the next time you hear a problem and become the agony aunt “think” – that the person narrating the issue would want to take his/her own decision and my nose should just sit around my face and not nudge in other’s royal issues. OR the next time you impart your problem to other’s “think” - that there are a lot of other unimportant things that the person might want to do rather than pay attention to your disease, disputes, issues or subjective cribbing! 

And the golden words remain - care for your family and loves ones – be considerate not dominating. We have to make the world smart like us not a copy of us – Individuality has “I” in the beginning. Respect it – spare it.

**The author is a veteran agony aunt and has splendid listening skills. She used to unravel other’s issues like a miracle or the very believable model who has fine abs and sells exercise equipment on tele-shopping until the issues became her own. Never too late to realize – the “Deal with your own crap” and “I am not a doofus doormat – Get the hell out of here, Jerk” philosophy brought her back to be a supernatural diva!

I promise I shall survive

One of those times when you are far away from home and unwell...you become rather feel like the weakest person in the entire universe, when no one is around to grab you a cup of coffee or make some hot soup for you,sits besides you and whisper some sweet words that you will be fine soon...life seems awfully miserable and lonely NOT! Get a life! Have some antibiotics with nice hot chocolate, switch your phone off and sleep.

It is really nice to share our feelings with loved ones. But in the end its always YOU who has to come out of diseases, disasters or failures. Retail and Chocolate therapy work with most of us, but the million dollar question remains are we really happy? We would be really happy (soul and body) if we are mentally at peace. So if  I am unwell and I the very thought "Selfish relative did not even ask when I was sick" would make me miserable and in desperate need of attention. Like a Hindi movie, only supporting actors die of sickness and villains but the main character remains through the end, fights with the villain and lives happily ever after. In the movie of Life, villain is the low self esteem and the weak state of mind where the main character nominated for a Grammy is YOU. The awesome You.  

As long as my heartbeat is functional, I promise I shall survive .... for the one's who need me, for the one's I owe, for the ones I am committed to, for the one's I love...I promise I shall survive

The day it stops beating, I shall give my eyes to the one who has never seen colors or a baby smile, my heart to a person who has never been in love, my hands to the one who could never hold his/her mother tight and hugged,my smile to the one who has lost a loved one and my soul to the one who has a high morale...till then...I promise I shall survive.