The 10 minute wait at the coffee shop

It was 8 degrees in the capital today and I was literally shivering. I went to the nearest mall to grab a cup of coffee which would warm my numb hands and defrost my tongue. While I was at the coffee shop I ordered 1 cappuccino to-go…and the man at the counter billed it and asked me to wait for 10 minutes because of the rush. There was no place to sit in the busy evening 7ish hour of the coffee place so I chose to stand in the corner waiting for my coffee, sinking my cold numb hands in the deepest corners of my pockets. Restless as I am I started fiddling with my phone and looking around. There was a lot of noise.

Towards my right diagonal say 10 o clock there were fine gentlemen in their late 20’s or early 30’s (not all of them were charming) but over all, well bred, sophisticated and very well dressed. One of them had a classy leather bag which grabbed my attention and all six were so engrossed talking that I could barely hear.

It was just 2 minutes and I was told to wait for my order. So I started to concentrate further towards the hot “topic” among the boys and there I began to overhear. Bad habit though but amazing time-pass.

So one of them said – and this is why I don’t talk to girls. I so wanted to know “why”! I HAVE TO KNOW why…its my fundamental right to know why this fellow would elude girls for some disconcerting reason. The other one said – dude I am married, I am telling you they are all nice and cute in the beginning but from the day we got married till now, it has been 2 years or so she is a pain. Sometimes you cannot tolerate pain but other times you just deal with it. The third one said to him – you are so lucky you are married, we have been seeing each other since the last seven years and she still threatens that she will leave me one day and that I would not be able to do anything about it. All the while there was one who was very quiet, he hardly spoke and when others tried to ask him rather include him in the conversation he said – I am a happily married man, I see no fault in my relationship and everything is fine.

The stupid waiter started asking me about sugar and anything else mam etc. in the mean while and I missed some part I believe but I couldn’t resist and started to pretend that I was busy…started fiddling with my phone again and sat on a small table beside a little away from them.

1.      He just gave an opener I guess, which I missed, and then he continued. Think of women as – he started looking around for an example and then looked at his large coffee mug…think of women as a cup of coffee. The other five were quiet now and wanted an explanation for such casual comparison with the problem of their lives – so did I, suddenly I represented the women on earth and wanted an explanation too rather enlightenment ...so I listened more carefully now, pretending to read the menu.

2.      He pointed towards his cup and said - You cannot drink this coffee when it is very hot: Never talk, misbehave or aggravate a woman when she is angry. It will burn you and your blister your tongue.

3.      You have to drink this hot coffee at room temperature or cold – just the balance : talk in a gentle mood (room temperature) and do not neglect her (cold)

4.      Pour milk per your choice in this black coffee: you have an impact on her, your personality will reflect her and vice versa. Initial years and your actions will result and reflect throughout life (the amount of milk poured is permanent till the end if more)

5.      Sugar should be not too high or too low because it will be bitter: appreciate her not too much that she thinks it’s fake. Do not be bitter, else you wont be able to live

6.      Appreciate the waiter for he would serve you properly the next time also: appreciate and regard her family as yours, it will be all good as a result.

7.      Flavor it with chocolate, cinnamon, butterscotch for more taste : do not be boring, take interest in whatever she says, feel her emptiness (if the coffee is bland) and provide solutions (flavor it up) for a delightful taste.

8.      Respect the expensive cup and enjoy every bit of it: regard and respect your lady. She is the most desired, high maintenance asset of your life, the cup that you would demand and enjoy.

9.      You never leave the coffee that you ordered mid way and order another lest it is undeniably rubbish and you had no idea what you ordered in the first place : be loyal, our cup or your lady is yours till the end, do not have an eye on others coffee or you will have mixed tastes. You would forcibly change it (break the relationship) only when the expensive coffee (your valued marriage) is venomous or extremely disgusting.

10.  Snacks with coffee are amazing - she will blend with every addition you give her in the most loving way – cake (children), sandwich (friends and family) etc.

11.  You can take the cup far and wide when its to-go (love marriages, living away from family) – it will warm your hands and throat. Drinking it here is also an option but that way you will have to see if all others  have finished their coffee or not (arrange marriage – more compromises) but any which way the coffee is yours.

The others heard and all that while I considered myself as a cup of coffee and smiled. A coffee bean, may be because, I am not married yet ...but amazing co-relation! Till then my cup was empty but I wanted to hear more…and it was getting late. They all heard like a saint was enchanting prayers. And then one of them said – mine is Irish coffee, the other said mine is frappe…and I just got up and came home and smiled at the interesting comparison overheard at the coffee place.

The connection

When I close my eyes,

It is you I see.

When I remember you,

It is you in my dreams.

When I feel lonely,

It is you giving me a hug.

When I feel naughty,

It is you playing a prank.

And when I am gloomy,

It is you responsible for my smile.

When I shed a drop of tear,

It is you I feel.

When I laugh like a child,

It is you making me happy.

When I argue or fight,

It is you who calms me.

When I cook or clean,

It s you who appreciates me.

When I get promoted at work,

It is you who motivates me.

When your parents call me their daughter,

It is you - proud of me.

When I dress up,

It is you who admires me.

And when the world denies,

It is you standing by me.

When I act like a fool,

It is you who gives me wisdom and advice.

When I feel weak,

It is you who gives me strength.

But when you go away from me,

It is me who shatters.

When you stop talking to me,

It is me who becomes deaf.

When you see other women,

It is me who cries.

When you don’t realize,

It is me who lives in hope.

And when you don’t love me back,

It is me who dies.

Facepalm to Capital - Where are we heading to?

I am a proud citizen and I live in the capital city of India. The rich Capital city where millions of people, from around the globe come to visit the miraculously rich culture, heritage, indulge in food splurge and unite with unstinting and whole-hearty Indians. During winters the capital is all the more beautiful, no snowfall though but a lot of heartfelt memories to keep us all cozy and together.

And then one fine day almost at year end, we hear the news of a 23 year old medical student who came to pursue her internship in the capital, being raped by 5 men in a moving bus in a well lit, busy and posh locality, consequently hit by an iron rod and thrown out of the bus along with her male friend who was also brutally attacked and battered by iron rods…both struggling for their lives.

That’s the capital of my country – rich 'unsafe' culture and warm 'rapists and monstrous' people?

While the police are doing their job at their best but were we careful in the first place? Why is the crime rate so common and why are heinous crimes followed by lessons learnt and precautions taken subsequently. Why “thereafter”? “Thereafter” when an innocent girl was gang raped and people are dead and obliteration has taken place? What about the loss which could have been prevented.

Capital Fact File - Rape cases in India are the maximum in the world! Pollution in the air surmounts to maximum deaths by respiratory ailments. People die of hunger. 7 crore people are unemployed. Hypertension and depression are most common diseases after headache, cough and flu. Bribery and Corruption from the time a child takes admission in a school till he gets his pension, child labor, child abuse and abortions are at their peak not to forget domestic violence and sexual harassment! Alright Kasab is dead but does that mean terrorism is over? Where are we heading to?

While is it really difficult and challenging for everybody to educate everybody, can’t we take a little actions, measures and precautions on our own to sustain the culture, our freedom fighters sacrificed their lives for? There always will be an ‘evil’ and the ‘good’ will fight that evil ALWAYS. But we cannot make invisible the good to make evil win as a majority.

What harm will it take if we could give a poor family something to eat, teach some uneducated people who are not fortunate enough to pursue schooling, not spit on the roads and throw garbage in dustbins and take all pollution measures on our vehicles seriously. Will it hurt to have a strong opinion of respect towards other women and treat them like our mothers or sisters? Will it not take guts and prove you a pure gentleman or a woman of substance if you see someone bullying or harassing somebody and lodge a complaint against him/her? Will it make you less rich if you could donate a few clothes to someone who cannot afford clothes to cover their body? Do hell with religious riots aren't we HUMANS first…why would others culture and religion affect me – Can’t I respect his like my own? I am not spreading a message here even to miss a movie in the hall and do something extra ordinary for the nation – just minor gestures in our day to day life to make a change.

Shouldn't the vandalism by goons, arrest by cops because of FB post, the non performance of parliament, the failure of government and the “apathy “of leaders constitute gang rape of a nation?

The innocent girl who is battling for her life has ruined it already even if she fights through her last breath. The hopes, expectations, marriage and bright future of a family in a conservative country like ours is still a challenge, forget the mere sympathy of people for a year or so. The victim always suffers and the criminal, though punished or even if given a death penalty can do nothing after the irrevocable trauma, annihilation and devastation caused!

If the outrage does not extend to an “action” - be ready for more rapes on our women, our freedom, our rights and our country! 

12/12/12 – A note to my grandchildren.

I wanted to do something special on this date but did not get much time to climb mountains or do rafting. As they say - costly watches but no time, I was a little occupied working. 

By the way Rajnikant was born today and Pandit Ravi Shankar died. So here’s your homework to research on ‘God’ and the Sitar Maestro whose daughters were hot in our era.

I have no clue how the world would be in your generation, may be you will read this in a microchip already inserted in your brain as history master files which could be archived by year and time and buffered in micro seconds. May be you would not even know who I am or I even existed…may be you could be playing with me…one on my lap and the other on my shoulder and I would be narrating this story to you…MAY BE.

But just for the record, we are hearing that the world would end so I thought I would jot all of these for future reference, you know probably use these as pointers if I get the opportunity to be around you guys.

From the first quarter of my life I learnt these things – some developed, a few acquired and most – learnt from mistakes. Here they are: Granny’s 7 commandments –

      Be patient  

We have to absorb a lot of shit in life. A lot – be it family or friends at times, spouse, boss, irritating room mates, professors, nonsense people whose existence is illegitimate, pushy salesmen, domestic helps, BUT, do not rebel, fight or lose your temper. There is a right place for a right move. Compromising and being silent is the key sometimes.

      Enjoy Life

People, moments and more importantly stupid moments do not come again and again. Life runs – help people, smile, bring a smile on someone’s face, do something foolish everyday, laugh, make fun, do silly things, play pranks and let go. Life ha been pretty eventful so far but it flies.

      Never hold a grudge

Your grandmother does not believe in enemies. She thinks that if thoughts or opinions don’t match – they should part. If they cannot part think of yourself in your enemy’s shoes and react. Understanding the enemy is the key for nothing shall make him angrier than a smile or a good deed. In the act you will be the one who will be way higher than him and this shall make granny really proud of you.

      Love and Respect yourself

Granny has always been a fan of a person having high Self respect and standards like your great grand father. People having a high self esteem have and will always impress me. A person stays tall if he loves himself first and then others. Never sell yourself in front of people. True love and emotions reciprocate. If you do not respect yourself, forget respecting or admiring the world.

      Do not fool yourself

If you want to achieve something – go for it! If the plan is clear and the goal is known - start walking on the path you have chosen. There will be infinite hurdles, you will meet unnecessary people, bump into strangers who might become your mentors and miss the ones you love as at one point everybody vamooses and you would be on your own. Conclude the search and find that purpose of your life. Go for it – insanity is imperative!

      The law of attraction/reciprocation

If you respect someone, the respect comes back. Love someone and the person in front would love you back. If you admire someone truly, the feeling reciprocates after some time. Granny has felt it always – it is tried and tested. Pass a smile to your crush and he will smile back, love someone truly and the love is showered back provided you have absolutely clean intentions.

      Love superman J

Have a role model. Be it your parents, an actor, politician, a senior or granny. Granny used to love superman. Her office desk had a printout of superman, superman pajamas, superman dolls she got with Mc Donald's happy meal in her cupboard, superman bandanna, superman t-shirt and super man bed sheet (yeah we have this concept of beds we sleep on and we cover the mattresses with sheets). Having a role model would make you focused towards your shopping (I don't have to think when I have a superman print as an option) and most importantly evolve by acquiring all good qualities of your role model.

Have a great life - I would love to see you sometime.

Granny.

The Weekend

The rustling of leaves and the chilly breeze,

The smell of thin crust pizza with extra cheese.

Looked up in the sky and felt the first drop of rain,

Remembering lost ones as she felt the pain.

The full moon was as beautiful as her smile,

She was quiet and nostalgic for a little while.

Recalled an old joke and she smiled again,

Friends observed and declared her insane.

Just remembered something funny, she said,

And then there was a fight for the last piece of that damn bread!

Laughed merrily and pulled each other’s leg,

Let us sleep - early morning office someone would beg.

Come on few minutes extra - don’t be a cry baby,

These times will never come or may be…

She voyaged in the intercity metro to meet family and friends,

In the ladies partition she was aware of all latest trends.

Weekend’s over now – rush hour, work and profit is the key,

She sat alone in a corner and wondered with a cup of tea -

‘Yesterday I was with a lot of people alas look at me’!
After five days of work her brain shall slip to her knee.

Camaraderie counts be it parents, friends or spouse,

and the vacuity grubs you alive in your own house.

Striving to explore your happiness in others?

Be contented for you wont be shaken by shudders.

Shut her eyes and asked self if she was happy?

The rejoinder came from within – life is not that shabby.

Content with what she has, she then had a mysterious smile,

Hoping she could make Monday a lot more worthwhile!

Story Time

This is one of those stories that my grandmother told my mother and it passed on to me. It made me realize my worth as a human being or a girl – new age girl that is! This story is an epitome of building self esteem and discovering the “you”!

There was once a cobra named “Heera”. Amongst the entire breed of snakes, Heera was the bravest, fine looking, and handsomest of all. The other cobras envied him for the female cobras lured Heera and wanted him to be with him. He was the prince charming of the cobra clan. Every evening Heera used to hang around with his friends in the fine burrows of the City. He was the gentlest, sensitive, non-violent and humble of all the snakes. His friends mocked and teased him by saying “our heera is a ravishing vegetarian rat” and then they would all laugh about it. He loved the company of his friends, Heera used to laugh with them and pull each other’s leg. Every evening Heera used to enjoy the weather in the city and chat with his friends and then return home late. Heera’s father was a stringent cobra and wanted him to be home till midnight.
Days passed and Heera enjoyed his bachelorhood, checking out other attractive female cobras with his friends, munching, chatting merrily and returning home by mid-night. Months passed now but Heera’s confidence loosened day by day. His friends asked him for his everlasting awful mood and the reason behind his gloominess, but he never told them anything.

Heera’s condition worsened after a few days, his family thought he wasn’t well but the reason could not be found. Meanwhile every day Heera was injured and his wounds were really deep with bleeding scars, cuts and wounds. His friends and family were worried by seeing the abrasions on Heera’s fine body. He never told anybody anything and always came up with some justification or the other by changing the topic of discussion.

One day, Heera was so hurt that he was on the verge of death. His mother swore on him and asked him the reason. Heera started crying like a baby. He couldn't speak. After his mother wrapped him in her arms and asked him the reason again, Heera with tears in his eyes said -“Mumma, I have been the most non violent, gentle and humble snakes in my life. I haven’t caused anybody any harm ever. I care for everybody’s feelings and I do nothing wrong. I care for everybody’s feelings, and have always done the “Right” thing throughout my life. Then why each time when I cross the road the human beings on the road start shouting “”SNAKE SNAKE” and start hitting me with stones? I have no intentions of biting anybody ever then why do they hit me daily? I thought I could talk to them and sort matters out but the moment they look at me they start throwing stones at me till I bleed and act dead. Is being a snake a curse? Am I so bad that people hate me and hit me brutally? But I promise Mom that I have been always at my best behavior and I have not harmed or attacked anybody ever so why do they injure me every day? I pray every night to God saying if I am so worthless, dear God, why did you make me a snake?”

Mummy smiled and answered, she wasn’t worried anymore and knew how to handle poor Heera’s problem. She said- My son, we are the most vicious of all the species. It’s just that human beings are scared of us and they feel insecure that we may bite them. As a practice to self defense they throw stones at us. God has given us fangs for the same purpose. If we let somebody bully us – he will bully us! But if we show them that we are strong enough not to be bullied or taken advantage of then we respect ourselves. Power and Strength are to be used in the most righteous ways. She continued “Son if they don’t know your worth they will hurt you every day”. If you show them your fangs and your value clearly mentioning “I am a snake, I am not to be taken advantage of – Let go off me”, then no one can harm you. I am not telling you to bite them at the same time you are my fine and powerful son who cannot be hit by a human every day. Show them that the snake is never week and powerless”

            Self respect is significant. If we let someone bully us be it our colleague, friend or boss…we are not only falling week but at the same time cordially inviting the other to harm us -

1.      Learn to say NO to things/people who bring you down and crush our feelings.

2.      Remember the one who suffers knowingly is an equal criminal than the one who commits the crime

3.      Domestic violence/ sexual harassment or eve teasing – If not fought against can make him the most powerful bully. Not fighting against injustice or crime or not raising voice for corruption or bully’s is not being gentle, humble or sensitive - It is equally criminal. Standing up for your rights and showing or proving your worth has got nothing to do with education but awareness so that you are not hurt and are taken granted for.

Later that I came to know that my grandmother narrated the interesting version of Swami Vivekananda


Let people say whatever they like, stick to your own convictions, and rest assured, the world will be at your feet. They say, "Have faith in this fellow or that fellow", but I say, "Have faith in yourself first", that's the way. Have faith in yourself -- all power is in you -- be conscious and bring it out. Say, "I can do everything." "Even the poison of a snake is powerless if you can firmly deny it." Beware! No saying "nay", no negative thoughts! Say, "Yea, Yea," "So'ham, So'ham"--"I am He! I am He!" – Swami Vivekananda

My problem – Your Problem!

We often think of ourselves as the most imperative topic of the world (some of us certainly do!)

REALITY CHECK – If you are not supernatural or amongst the top 10 somebody’s, your existence is just like a piece of furniture under the sky!

Expectation is a bitch! You expect somebody to call you on your birthday – and somebody forgets. You act funny by not reminding the person…cursing him/her and promising not wishing him/her on their birthday to make them feel how it feels to be ignored, talking ill of the other evil person who ruined your life which was once happy and peaceful before they forgot to ring you on your birthday etc. is how most (shallow people) deal with it.. Can’t we just laugh about some things thinking that the person might be a human being or react casually by saying – It’s alright…happens - a bigger gift now!” Well that is the ideal … the bookish situation.

All of us have Problems! Life would be so perfect without problems. A few problems ‘we’ come across are listed below–

1.    Teething when you are tiny

2.    Wisdom tooth when you are not that tiny

3.    Teacher in school never took a leave while every morning you prayed for her death sincerely.

4.    God hates you…No one loves you phase bleehhh

5.    Crush has a girlfriend/boyfriend…no one loves you…ugly and poor are you?…bleeeh

6.    Telling your parents about your girlfriend/boyfriend – knowing that they shall reject

7.    Breakups – chocolate ice cream – gaining weight – sad songs and alcohol

8.    No one understands me -  salutation of the teen!

9.    Everyone understands me – now, that’s a problem too

10.  My life is going nowhere – what a waste to humanity.

11.  Too much work in office – makes you tired…Boss hates me…Coffee vending machine is not working…ugly politics at work…I never got the right opportunity…working for peanuts etc.

12.  No work – what the hell shall I fill in the damn status sheet

13.  Your family is so over protective and possessive about you – parents embarrass you!

14.  In winters – you love summers…in summers – you love winters!

15.  XYZ is so rude and dominating and mean! God doesn’t love me situation

16.  The most important – why me?

17.  Train reservations in Tatkal and cancelled leave plan by your boss

18.  In laws/relatives being villains/monsters and last nerve stimulators!

19.  Loss of a family member/dear ones or loss of money…property, purity or valuables

20.  Why all horrible things and people stick around your neck like a dead albatross…etc.

21.  What do I wear…I don’t have clothes (girls and gay applicable)

22.  Being a girl is a pain – accessories and shoes crap (refer to the brackets above)

23.  What if I fail…nail biting and nervous attack!

24.  My efforts at work are not appreciated – the beep (censored) gets a promotion every year!

25.  What if I get rejected/ignored – nail biting and nervous attack

26.  On passing/acceptance/selection – how will I do this? Nail biting and nervous attack

27.  Nail biting and nervous attack – on other “royal” issues!

Who decides which is a big or a small problem? For a new born, a seasonal rash or a wet diaper is the major problem and he would cry his throat out and get irritated equivalent to a housewife who lost her husband in a car accident leaving 3 kids and monster in laws behind.

We come across a million problems every day. Let us look at the brighter side here – we solve a million problems every day! But the only thing we DO NOT realize is that we spend three fourth of our time cribbing, publicizing or discussing the problem with others than gathering efforts in solving the same.

The million dollar question now - What makes us discuss our personal or someone else’s problems/issues with others? More than accepting a piece of advice from other people or doing exactly how they say – we become happy when our ego is massaged. Someone who says – ah you are doing right, stick with it is the trustworthy friend-in-need and the one who says – no, that’s wrong falls in the “you don’t love me – you snake” category.

Ultimately, you end up wasting a lot of time in the name of meaningful discussion or research and what you would have done when the problem just hit. The discussion, decision of others (that does not matter in 99.99% cases) and fickle mindedness might take a lag time of light years or minutes.

Clearly I am not denying a second opinion from the experienced or a fine research based on facts. However the spiced demonstration of your glitches and issues in the amphitheater pleading for sympathy in the name of – “I feel light when I share” is the area of concern.

Just think about the other person offering his benevolent ear to you. The person in front listens to your concerns because –

1.    He is related to you and has to listen – husband/wife/family/gf/bf

2.    Running short of topics for a discussion

3.    What a nice time pass, I love hearing your problems – so entertaining! Makes my day…

4.    Food for thought – I might learn from you (I have nothing else to do)

5.    Master – slave relationship. Your problem - my job!

6.    Let me have some substance to write/publish/announce at my get together at barney’s

7.    Feels so good to hear your personal problems, spice it up (demo of my creativity) and vomit in front of people who matter to me (worth the effort of listening to your crap)

8.    May be I can solve – No I can’t - god save you – shall chant your name in my prayers

9.    Give you a lecture about how careless or irresponsible you can be (because I care?)

     

      THE BEST – SYMPATHY DONORS – Awwwwww poor baby – too bad – awwwww. Take one more – awwwww. (are you single?) awwwwww

From the first quarter of my life (and enormously oozing wisdom), I have learnt that nobody in this freaking world can help you with your personal problems or diseases. Deal with them – Come out of them. As long as advice/suggestion or a second opinion is considered, they have that 0.01% weightage in the 99.99% decision and mindset already taken by you. If the outcome is bad we solely blame the entire thing on – she said/he told me to do so or the I thought blah blah story but only YOU are responsible for YOUR actions!

So the next time you hear a problem and become the agony aunt “think” – that the person narrating the issue would want to take his/her own decision and my nose should just sit around my face and not nudge in other’s royal issues. OR the next time you impart your problem to other’s “think” - that there are a lot of other unimportant things that the person might want to do rather than pay attention to your disease, disputes, issues or subjective cribbing! 

And the golden words remain - care for your family and loves ones – be considerate not dominating. We have to make the world smart like us not a copy of us – Individuality has “I” in the beginning. Respect it – spare it.

**The author is a veteran agony aunt and has splendid listening skills. She used to unravel other’s issues like a miracle or the very believable model who has fine abs and sells exercise equipment on tele-shopping until the issues became her own. Never too late to realize – the “Deal with your own crap” and “I am not a doofus doormat – Get the hell out of here, Jerk” philosophy brought her back to be a supernatural diva!

I promise I shall survive

One of those times when you are far away from home and unwell...you become rather feel like the weakest person in the entire universe, when no one is around to grab you a cup of coffee or make some hot soup for you,sits besides you and whisper some sweet words that you will be fine soon...life seems awfully miserable and lonely NOT! Get a life! Have some antibiotics with nice hot chocolate, switch your phone off and sleep.

It is really nice to share our feelings with loved ones. But in the end its always YOU who has to come out of diseases, disasters or failures. Retail and Chocolate therapy work with most of us, but the million dollar question remains are we really happy? We would be really happy (soul and body) if we are mentally at peace. So if  I am unwell and I the very thought "Selfish relative did not even ask when I was sick" would make me miserable and in desperate need of attention. Like a Hindi movie, only supporting actors die of sickness and villains but the main character remains through the end, fights with the villain and lives happily ever after. In the movie of Life, villain is the low self esteem and the weak state of mind where the main character nominated for a Grammy is YOU. The awesome You.  

As long as my heartbeat is functional, I promise I shall survive .... for the one's who need me, for the one's I owe, for the ones I am committed to, for the one's I love...I promise I shall survive

The day it stops beating, I shall give my eyes to the one who has never seen colors or a baby smile, my heart to a person who has never been in love, my hands to the one who could never hold his/her mother tight and hugged,my smile to the one who has lost a loved one and my soul to the one who has a high morale...till then...I promise I shall survive.

"Love shall evolve" - The Utopian Mirage

Midnight, at the dining table, she waited,

He said he had dinner and was sated.

She said nothing and wrapped the utensils,

While he murmured on the phone with the counsels,

I am suffocated, get me out of here, he said,

She over-heard, and smiled at her fate, instead.

She heard the door bang as he left the house,

Drowsy, she peeped from the blanket like a cute mouse.

Her mother called and inquired if she was happy.

And the newly married bride questioned if all marriages are this scrappy?

Mother was worried and said if she compromised,

She said anything through which my pain is minimized.

That evening, he called and said he would come home early,

When she saw what he got for her she cried abysmally.

She thought he would take her to movies and she dressed elegantly,

Instead, he got her divorce papers and told her to sign them arrogantly.

With tears rolling down her eyes she said,

I thought these were tickets to Hilton-head.

I have hopes and want children and grandchildren with you,

He said - I don’t think I can handle this, please bid me an adieu.

Can’t we just compromise and embrace what future allows?

I need my freedom; I was forced to take the vows…

And the wise say, never tie a knot when you are not ready,

Or one shall still compromise, but your life will be shady.

No love? Then no bondage is the key,

He still hates her and in utter confusion is she…

You're Happy...I am Happy!

And after a long time I was unwell, I was off-color this time because of the weather change, exertion, travel, stress and street food. While I just wanted to take a hot water bath and sleep, I just could not sleep. Just to give the readers a tiny little sneak peak of my idea on sleeping and rest, I would remark that sleeping is “a waste of time”. You have to open your eyes and do something or the other for the fact that you are a human being who has the sacred ability to think and express. The “something” could be as useless as writing an office email or making a to-do list or as fruitful as talking to family, friends and relatives on the phone! So sleeping according to me is the last thing on priority. I cannot sleep until I am unwell or completely worn out.

Now my eyes are swollen but I want to write. Write about all those things that make me happy, that bring a smile on my face, even when I think about them. What really makes one happy? Does it have to be big events like a promotion or marriage or a divorce may be? Or little events like finding something dear you lost earlier or an unexpected holiday at work or the most common one – when your boss is sick and you have less pressure at work!

We have a very distinctive piece inside us – our heart. It is indeed weird! I mean I have not seen anything zanier than the functioning of the human heart (psychologically that is). The reactions it gives are instantaneous. Also the greedy bastard is never happy! (Pardon my language)

So what makes the wise say – never follow your heart, do what your brain says! Because the selfish bastard (pardon my language again) wants everything that is attractive to the eye and then the vamp plays ugly politics on our acquitted brain!

Let’s take the following situations. These have been segregated for girls and boys. Take a look at them. The ones in braces are our thoughts –

Girls-

·        You see  another girl with a Gucci bag, designer pumps and a French manicure (you want all)

·        You see another girl with a perfect guy (why haven’t I found my Mr. Perfect?)

·        Your best friend gets married (am I the only one who is single?)

·        Your parents fight and nag but the neighbors never fight and their daughter goes to late night parties (why God why do I have the most irritating parents ever!)

·        You can never have that flawless hair that your classmate has and your crush remarks – I so love her hair! (I need to mix bleach in her shampoo)

Boys-

·   You did not get promoted. Your MBA batch mate is a Senior Manager and you are a team lead (@#$%%#$)

·        Your batch mates are married and have kids and you have neither (#$##%@%$$^%^@#)

·        Your boss is unfair and gives you more work than a colleague and you get less or nil appreciations than him rather he humiliates you (there is somebody up there who is watching everything!)

·        Your junior has a car and a house but you don’t (I am a loser! LOSER)

·        You kid does not consider you as the best father (Failed parent…I should be crucified)

So what makes us “compare” ourselves with others? As liberated individuals aren’t we unique and different and are supposed to do things like the way we want them to be done. Why do we think that if the other person drives a luxurious flashy car, breathes in the posh air of L.A and goes holidaying every six months to lavish places is “happy”? Are they really contented? Even if they were, we are not “them”! I would certainly not want to do what my rich uncle or celebrity aunt does for happiness! It’s my life and I know what is best for me and what makes me happy!

So be it a smile on a child’s face or your parents saying “I am proud of you beta” or a little gesture for someone who did not eat for days or financial help for someone’s future or just a shoulder to someone who cannot walk can make me happier than a luxurious holiday with a Jacuzzi, an expensive safari, or the feeling of just getting high for the sake of it! It depends from people to people! If all the rich thought that they would help all the poor then there would be no poor on the planet! But how will we differentiate in that case? Differentiation is an old habit which started from the caste system back in the 30’s! We still differentiate. We do. We feel envious of the upper cast (the girl who has a Gucci bag and the colleague who got promoted) and pity the lower (oh poor baby can’t even afford a car!). So until and unless we stop differentiating we cannot be happy and here is the answer for happiness!

For a week promise yourself to be happy for all the reasons the people who matter to you are happy. Do not resentfully wish secretly in your heart “what if I had that, instead say, I shall have that soon and work towards it! It really works and the very positivity shall bring a smile on your face!

The First Rains

After the scorching heat and dreary afternoons in the capital, I came home for a much desired small vacation, after 6 long months. 

The first day after a long taxing Indian railway journey - my train journeys by the way are always sad. I tend to depend on Indian Railways for a lot of reasons mostly because they are economical; I would not consider them cheap though, since we always prefer air conditioned coaches than the others. Most of the times I am surrounded by kids, the little ones who love to cry out loud (really loud) for no specific reason...senior citizens and uncles who love to snore and gawky strangers who love to ogle women, like a piece of meat making one uncomfortable and awkward. I question nature for offering eyes to such anthropoids!

Anyway, when the train reached my home town, as always my father was there to pick me up, after smiles and hugs concluded, I realized that the weather was pleasant. I was still irritated rather maddened by the hot weather, power cuts and the exhaustion in the capital. The moment I reached home, there were heavy rains (The timing was just so appropriate) and I got the sweetest welcome from my grandfather who exclaimed “You are so lucky that we had our first monsoon today”.

Rains are directly proportional to my smile. Like a stupid one year old who laughs every time when you make senseless funny gestures, sounds or antics, I smiled when it rained, each time. The feeling was awesome like I found something which I was yearning for long. I felt like ringing every friend of mine in Delhi and shouting that it’s raining here! But that would be mean and costly since my phone was on roaming and I was on sick leave from office

Since childhood I have loved rains, getting wet on the terrace and sneezing quietly repeatedly because you always fought a battle with an elder in the family with a motive to drench. So my mother smiled and told my maid “the children were enjoying upstairs…they love to get drenched in the rain”. My maid said I dare not let my children do that because the roof sheets of our house fly and maximum children in the slums and street urchins die when the asbestos sheets fall accidently on them. Her 4 year old died the same way. With red watery eyes she said, I was married at 20, He was my first kid. Rains are evil, she exclaimed.

I was present right there, overhearing while I wiped my hair with a towel, waiting for my coffee to boil. The smile, weather, rains, Bollywood picture of the sexy heroine dancing in a chiffon saree to please the hero started to fade away. She said that he was bleeding profusely after the neighbor’s roof fled and hit his head. Her baby’s blood and skin were washed in the rain after the shed hit him, till a part of his skull was visible. I did not realize that the coffee over boiled and started to overflow. I could just visualize a mother holding her dead toddler tight in her arms shrieking in remorse.

Thanks to the amazing fertility and skills of Indian men, my downtrodden maid and her husband hadn’t heard anything about family planning. My maid has 4 children and earns as much as the cost of an iPhone (second hand 2G that is), annually, a bare 3 digit salary a month INR.

So once you have so much activity (work, kids, husband who is the pain in the right area) in your life, you tend to get busy and likely reconcile after a while. But the very dialogue of my mother about kids getting wet in the rain scraped the miserable wounds from her memory lane. She was quiet for a minute, reached out to get some lemon flavored soap on the sponge and continued washing the utensils again.

And the devil in me or the ‘practical’ dame in me said – There are most horrible circumstances and mishaps than these. These people are illiterate, can produce four mighty children even after one is dead with such meager earning for god sake! Come on, don’t blame the awesome weather, it’s the irresponsible lady and her good for nothing Hercules husband who cannot afford a safe lifestyle for his kids, still breeds them. So I consoled myself and progressed towards the balcony sipping my Coffee (now half since it was over boiled).

The moment I reached for a chair and gaped outside, I saw a lady crying loudly, holding her dead son in her arms. I rubbed my eyes and realized it was not a movie or a dream, I took another sip of my Coco and Cinnamon flavored hot cappuccino. There was yet another woman screaming with a dead kid in her hands and this one even louder. What the hell was wrong?

The first rains were becoming too hard to digest now, don’t people pass away out of thirst or massive heat strokes in peak summers, and don’t they perish in winters or die in other seasons such as autumn or spring for the matching whys and wherefores? Why the drama now? Millions of people like my maid must have suffered more atrocious things than that, what is the fault of the weather here…why blame the amazing weather?

So I thought the right things to do were to lend a hand in my own little way –

1.    Help them build their houses to be water proof and strong or shock resistant in the brutal winds or heavy rains

2.    Tying the asbestos roof so tightly to the bamboo sticks that they don’t move forget landing on children’s head while they enjoy rains (very doable)

3.    Awareness on family planning (which is not related here but 4 kids…are you kidding me?, things you know you can talk about)

4.    Making houses in vicinity to hospitals or doctors

5.    Calling the area in charge/ mayor in case of emergencies, spreading a help line number.

We often think that cases like such must be in a million in number, in the world. What will make us the hero here? But the right thing is to help someone and give something to someone that you always had but the other person never had. Happiness is the biggest gift you can impart. Your diminutive deeds and minor considerations can bring about a major transformation in someone’s life.

In the end, I still love rains …the first rains for all good reasons but making someone else love nature the way I do is also a challenge now.