Sassy - Not Trashy!

I am a feminist, and being a feminist – I was requested to write a piece on women. Although I would never question nature, I have witnessed a few things girls or women are petrified about and what they go through every day, of which men are free from care.

Ever since early years we have been imparted with etiquettes on how to sit, how to talk or eat and how to smile gently, ‘as a good girl’. Our security is always a concern with the crime rate turning high by the second.

Teenage or adolescence is a catastrophe for girls – interaction with the opposite sex, mood swings, acne, the that time, deciding main subjects for high school, aggravation of uncertainties, exasperation and aggression, fortification from a lot of things on one hand and the MOTHER who deals with all of that! I can write a book on mothers – the superheroes but let me first follow the protocol.

So when the teenage is fortunately accomplished, the college age arrives. Here our intelligent little sunshine is now a grown-up; she is mature and takes her own decisions, attends her classes in college, parties with her friends, studies hard and plans her goals. She aims to pursue higher studies or picks up a job to further her career. She has her siblings and her family by her side to comfort her and deal with her problems. She talks to her peers and folks in case of confusions and indecisiveness.

Be it higher studies or job there can be diverse facets. She would either leave her home and experience hostel life or live all by herself OR she could also live with her parents and undergo working life. By this stage I feel, parents and folks also grow into chilled out friends or buddies. Yes, they are concerned and still worried but the issues are altogether poles apart than those from school or graduation.

Life from 24 – the parents think of settling their little girl. Giving her away to a responsible, educated and good looking man who is seeking their convent educated, beautiful and slim girl! Love marriage or arrange marriage – life after wedding is same for all girls. She leaves her house formally and enters in a new family, unaccustomed to the traditions she familiarizes with ‘his’ mother, father, siblings, relatives, pets and house help as her own. The settling takes a little time. She gets used to it progressively, deals with a lot of compromises and learns a lot. He on the other hand, adjusts too. She is a working woman who is married and has to be home in time. She cannot go to holidays and party all by herself, like she used to when she was 20, she wouldn’t want to now because she has a husband and a family to look after and share her life with.

Motherhood– Time to plan a family now! Pregnancy brings a lot of insecurities in a woman, she thinks her career will go for a toss. But it’s her decision to have a baby and she thinks she is responsible for taking care of him. So career takes a back seat and raising the miracle you created is a new chapter and a journey altogether. Mothers are an epitome of patience, love and care. They know your emotions, they know how to calm you in a matter of seconds, they are concerned and worried for you even if you are 50 and they are the BEST innovation of God! She raises her children and the cycle continues.

Now, I don’t understand how women can be regarded as a weaker gender because we are made to endure pain and explore motherhood naturally. We have our own fears even as a little girl and we have the will power to take care of a lot of things at the same time. It’s in our DNA.

I am not criticising men, but it is momentous that men endow her with that ecosystem in which a woman would flourish. Do not make her cry and do not disrespect her for her ideals are as important as yours. Your lady deserves your time and respect. Do not abuse her – sexually or mentally. Domestic Violence is not what she expected when she was keeping karwachauth for your long life. She is an epitome of compassion and love. A lady created you, but still a lady has to carry a pepper spray while walking on the road. She is attractive, beautiful and dresses up the way she likes, which undoubtedly becomes her own fault because she is accused of provoking men! She is looked at by a rowdy man on the road as a piece of meat and when she objects and challenges him, she gets her “lesson”. When she takes public transport, she is scared for the male driver could do “anything” to her. She avoids all secluded places and roads because she is scared. She has to be home before dark because it is not safe alone. Her chain or mangalsutra could be snatched on the roads by a man, she can be raped by a man who could also be a husband/ son or a brother and would leave a grave mark and a wound on some other lady with pride! Probably that’s his need, but the ladies life would be at stake. Why can’t we realize to protect and respect the lady instead of gawking at her and making her look cheap. Don’t make her timid by snatching her confidence and self-esteem with that chain of hers. Checking out chicks and bird-watching isn’t a hobby. Respect a lady. Trust me for a woman it’s nice to be made to feel like a queen, like a LADY!

 

“Her” time...

Dedicated to the working women who are daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, bosses, cooks and the like. They manage their everything, their family, their world and their houses. They are an indispensable support predominantly emotionally and physically in the clan.

There were a lot of guests/ friends expected in the house party tonight. She decided the menu with him and paid extra to her maid for helping and reheating the exotic Italian and washing the utensils. She gave her’s and his clothes for dry cleaning. Cleaned the entire house, re-arranged articles, put the recent pictures and frames and crystals in front. Changed the sheets and covers. Cleaned the kitchen, drawing room and the bar, vacuumed the sofas and wiped the tables. Menu was planned and almost 12 dishes had to be prepared including appetizers and desserts. She got the groceries and started doing the preparations a day in advance. The previous night, the house was spic and span. She filled the salt and pepper in the swan like salt and pepper stands, she put the condiments in tiny bowls. The spoons were sorted and only the similar ones were taken out, the serving spoons were arranged at one end with bottle openers and forks. There was ample ice in the freezer, dessert was all done and festooned in the largest tray, and it looked so tempting in the freezer.

The garden and the entrance was neat with the weeds grabbed out. She tipped the gardener for painting the pots. The wall hangings and paintings were also cleaned with a cloth. She had her deadlines to meet in the office so she worked in the night too. Her baby was fed and was quietly sleeping and she went off to sleep, restless till the last minute and hiding unwanted stuff from the side tables of the drawing room, she arranged the magazines and newspapers and went off to sleep.

She got up early morning, groomed herself, painted her nails and shampooed her hair. The house was rechecked for any spider webs or dust, everything looked incredible, the curtains were drawn and the fancy china was on the table. She now went off to work. It was Friday. She returned hurriedly in the evening and did the cooking, changed and did the last minute preparations with her maid. The guests started coming from 7pm onwards. She picked her baby from the crèche and he went off to sleep after an hour of storytelling and dancing. Her husband arrived between 7:30 to 8:00 pm and quietly changed and attended the guests.

While the men were busy refilling their glasses, she was busy taking care of appetizers and the ladies. We are god gifted when it comes to chinwag or gossip. Blathering is in our veins, we can empathize, cry, laugh, and become angry all at the same time with different people of course.

So here was she, glowing and looking beautiful, wearing her pretty silk saree with those ethnic earrings and lovely bangles, very tired though, entertaining the guests, serving and talking about children, experiences, baby fat, feeding, discipline, how kids behave these days, what do they learn in school, potty training, teething, how her baby left bottle and graduated to a glass, stupid parents, good parents, people who aren’t parents, planning a baby, crushes, mother in laws, men, fashion, exhibitions, no time for shopping, office, bosses, weather, neighbors, sales, jewelry, recipes, how do they maintain the spark, menopause, nail polish shades and due manicures, house hold remedies, books and movies and actors, designers and shops where one can get first copies, facebook pictures, children , sister in laws, pest control, daily soaps, hygiene, scented candles, curtains, how to avoid split ends, complications of the body and relationships, sick parents, ailments, flab, constipation, foot wear, their last holiday, cravings, maids, exercise, how to store stuff in the fridge which can last long, importance of drinking water, Mrs. Oberoi smokes, affairs, olive oil and canola oil, blood pressure and cure, lipsticks, bed sheets, hand bags, how to store woolens …and much more.

The men still busy with eating, talking about property, policies, automobiles, gadgets, taxes, mobiles, cricket, stocks and alcohol.

Dinner was served at 11pm and all had an enjoyable time chatting and eating. The get together was a success! The food was fantastic and they all had a delightful time. They loved the dessert and took another serve till it was polished. It took another hour till the time they said bye to the time they reached the gate, they made the programs for a holiday, next vacation plan, men were a little tipsy, and women had their cocktails and were happy high, the food made them all sober though. And the “till me meet again” dialogues began at 1:30 am, someone decided on a place where they will all go for a vacation, they discussed the dates and discussed those dates when they could all confirm first, someone made a watsapp group, someone made an ONLY LADIES watsapp group and some naughty guy made a BOYS ONLY watsapp group, they added the lesser known on facebook and shared contacts of crèches, masseuses, maids, doctors and on call beauty parlor ladies, people shared resumes and some even added others as their emergency contacts, all of this happened between the door and the main gate, it was 2:00am.

Her saree was crushed and she couldn’t stand anymore. Between we should do this more often to nice to meet you to air kisses and hugs and waving good byes, she wanted all of them to LEAVE. RIGHT NOW. She had office the next day and her baby had to be fed again and wrapping it all up was in her mind. She wanted to store the left overs in the refrigerator and wear her most comfortable pajamas, sit in a corner with a blanket and sleep or read a book or watch her favorite movie. While there were people still chattering and thanking her for a lovely time, in her mind, she was already wrapping stuff and cleaning her carpet for any spilled curries or drinks. She wanted pin drop silence and was yearning for seclusion. She wanted him in solitude and wanted to cuddle and sleep and not to be disturbed for hours and days. She wanted to wake up late and wanted to be served with bed tea. Not that she wasn’t social or disliked the guests, she wanted to escape from the rush, she couldn’t smile or laugh anymore. She wanted no one for an instance and needed the silence …she wanted “her” time!

 

When Tables Turn

When she looked into his eyes,
She could find love and no lies.
Those lashes, eyes big and deep,
In her fantasies, she took a leap.

Gush of emotions and her agile mind,
Was it true love, she was utterly blind.
Speak up, I have to say something,
Thought over again, or is this a fling?

Now, she had to get back her senses,
Distracted, she used all her defenses.
His charm was not letting her speak,
Good-looking and that fit physique!

With her poise she at last spoke,
How are you, the silence broke.
A reply came from the other end,
He spoke, alas she couldn't amend.

Bowed down she laughed so hard,
Voice a millimeter, body of a yard!
Jesus! He sure sounded like a shrew,
Whenever he stops, I shall bid adieu!

She was elegant, striking and sweet,
His charm, she would have to delete.
Exasperated, she thought to reject,
Striking man said I am not perfect!

I have a heart of gold, if you wonder,
But picking you would be a blunder!
Her eyes now as wide as a UFO Saucer,
How dare he abandoned and prosper!

Mommy, she cried, I feel so dejected,
Shocked,she then felt utterly neglected.
Why would you do that, please explain?
I have it all in me, consider and abstain.

He said politely in his mouse tone then,
Your beauty would be loved by all men.
But your views and thought not so ripe,
To each its own, you are not my type!

Where I had to put my thumbs down,
Look at the man, he made me a clown!
Earlier she laughed at his funny tone,
Never mock again, the fact well known.

Infuriated at what had just happened,
He stole her thunder, deeply saddened.
It is such an unfair world, she thought,
From eternity she now became a naught!

My LV!

Has been a while since I have written, and 1:00 am sure is a perfectly unobtrusive stretch when one feels a void in the gut and there, a packet of lays, ah too salty, with a perfect packet of Hershey’s open. Did I just mention lays and Hershey’s and not say potato chips and cookies or just snack time? Why Maggi and not noodles? Why surf and not detergent, why Prada, Gucci, LV and Hide design and not my purse, why Cavalli, Armani, Ralph Lauren, Ritu Kumar and Rohit Bal and not just clothes, why Nike or Puma, Reebok or Adidas and not my running shoes, why my Mac Air, Dell, HP and not just a laptop, why my Bullet or Harley and not just a motorbike? We are all about brands and association these days. Even food is labelled – I am eating a Hagen dais ice-cream, a Starbucks coffee, a Mc Donalds burger and there detailed association.

Now, give a Mc Donalds burger to a filthy beggar lying on the railway station floor, who has probably not had food for the last couple of days? What would he think and eat – Bread! And would also thank you for showering him with food. There is a thin line here, people might take this as ignorance, what would the uneducated beggar know about Mc Donald’s and Gucci, you give him Gucci shoes and he would sell them or gift to his wife thinking she might not have to walk bare foot. BUT, the intent is we have forgotten the basic and have started believing in the cover or the make. A flight would take you to the desired place, business and economy class would come second depending on a person’s finances and comfort he/she is trying to seek.

Similarly we have these labels in our relationships. Talking about being judgmental, I know a girl by the name of “ah she is the one who got divorced”, “the fat one”, “the tall one”, “the giraffe”, “nerdy”, “loser”, “the pretty one”, “the jibber jabber queen”, “the bossy one”, “the irritating one”, “Boss’s girlfriend”, “teacher’s daughter – have heard that a lot!”…their characteristics become their identity, where are the name’s here?

We believe in association, thereby giving details and labelling people. Even Facebook asks for “tags” on people. Over the years we have forgotten that products are not people and vice versa. People with the same names define themselves remarkably. The ones with oozing self-esteem stand out and still need no introduction and are identified by their name. Did we ever introduce “God” as – Hey he’s that guy who is always worshipped and who created the universe. Husband, wife, sister, brother, sister- in –law, brother- in- law, friend, best friend, BFF, Soul mates are all labels when it comes to relationships. These become more complicated as we grow. Underneath these shells there are PEOPLE. People who understand you, care for you and think good about you. My brother in law before marrying my sister was just another guy and I wouldn’t be interested or would not even know him. But now he would matter and is FAMILY. We make our family and we make our relationships with unknown people. We get pets and give them a lot of love and food and a name, calling it our best friend and spending the happiest time with them.

With regard to association, people skills in companies are very significant. My account or engagement would have some 300 people or my company on the whole would have some 100 thousand employees but I would, in the end, know 50 employees? Or maximum 100? These people would interact with us, pool a cab, be a part of external teams, administration departments, finance or marketing teams, senior management or HR! Do we understand them as friends, No, these guys are colleagues and acquaintances, each having their own story, each born to a different DNA and each having their own victories and sorrows. Why not understand them as people first and then continue working with them. Who has the time? Why would I want to engross myself in someone else’s life, why intrude? Then does this give us a right to label them for our own convenience because my secretary Emily could be replaced by another Emily 4 months from now Think about it!

We have 1500 friends on facebook, we talk to 100 people every day, get our work or daily chores done through our house help, secretaries and a lot of other people. Do we really know them? How many people would actually help you when you break down, you have an emotional outburst, care for you when you’re old or visit when you die? Just family or also the one’s you care about. What is the driving force – the labelled relationship, my wife or my son will be there for me just because they are my wife or son? The army matters to a leader, the kingdom makes the king, people vote and make their ministers, indifferent one’s having the right designations or labels are just futile.

Make your relationships and worship them. Know the value of a rugged cloth covering your essentials than getting a designer dress. Know the value of food before having a fancy 16 course Italian meal with desserts; know the value of shoes before getting a 9 grand running shoe. Know that being healthy and running is important THAN flaunting the shoes in public and friends. Utilize these labels prudently if you can afford them. Because as products, relationships like designer labels are expensive and the most comforting!

My “LV” is not my Louis Vuitton; it’s for Love and Valuing it forever!

 

The Chosen One: The Closure

The Chosen One: The Closure: We exchange notes with a lot of people everywhere. Some are bound to stay some don’t. Acquaintances, common friends, people whom we greet,...

I started, you finished!

When she looked into his eye,

She could, there and then, die!

His eyes were fine, big and deep,

Wondered, she could take a leap.

A lot was going in her agile mind,

Is it love, she was absolutely blind.

I did have to talk about something,

Thought over again, is this a fling?

Sooner had to get back her senses,

Distracting, using all her defenses.

His charm is not letting her speak,

Handsome and that fit physique!

With her poise she at last spoke,

Chewed the fat, the silence broke.

A reply then came from other end,

He said something, she had to bend.

Bowed down she laughed so hard,

Voice of a cat in body of a leopard!

Jesus! He sure sounded like a shrew,

Whenever he stops, I shall bid adieu!

She was beautiful; her voice sweet,

His charm, she would have to delete.

Exasperated, she thought to reject,

Striking man said I am not perfect!

I have a heart of gold, if you wonder,

But picking you would be a blunder!

Her eyes now as wide as a UFO Saucer,

How dare he abandoned and prosper!

 Mommy, she cried, I feel so dejected,

Shocked, she then felt utterly neglected.

Why would you do that, please explain?

I have it all in me, consider and abstain.

He said politely in his mouse tone then,

Your beauty would be loved by all men.

But your views and thought not so ripe,

To each its own, you are not my type!

Where I had to put my thumbs down,

Look at the man, he made me a clown!

Earlier she laughed at his funny tone,

Never mock again, the fact well known.

Infuriated at what had just happened,

He stole her thunder, deeply saddened.

It is such an unfair world, she thought,

From infinity she now became a naught!

Marriage or Employment?

India is a country where one can find plentiful unemployed people. The young and restless after finishing their studies are on the lookout for a job. Seeking employment in India or anywhere else has a procedure, unless you work for your own family. Similar to people who seek for employment in India, a lot of eligible boys and girls choose to go through a process of arranged marriages.  Is there a difference between getting a job or a spouse? Literally yes, but rhetorically - NO.

There appears absolutely no difference between a job interview and the process of arrange marriages in India. Let us enlighten the practice and get ourselves educated. I have stated 30 odd similarities between the processes of seeking a job and arrange marriages. Also the atmosphere after selecting the respective choices -

1.    Opening in the company – If there is an offer in an organization, the applicant seems interested to apply, the source being dot coms such as naukri.com, monster.com and the like or your peer and friends working in the same company. Whereas in arrange marriages, aunties, mummies and dot coms like shaadi.com, jeevansaathi.com and the like are the source of letting other families know that there is a bachelor/ spinster in some clan who are on a search.

2.    Showing interest and forwarding your resume – so the families show interest through email/ sms and the like and exchange basic criteria. Wanted groom from a “convent educated”, working in mnc, tall, slim and a wheatish girl. In the case of a company, the requirement is mentioned as – wanted a technical lead for a leading mnc, 3-4 years of experience and the technology mentioned. The resume is then uploaded or shared.

3.    Resume selection – Based on the eligibility criteria the resume is selected. In case of companies the HR does that, in case of arrange marriages, family/ peers or friends scan and give a heads up.

4.    R&D about the company through the website – the parents of the prospect would ask other people about the surname. For a job, the person would name the company and ask family and peers and friends – does it ring a bell?

5.    Finding connects through friends/ peers or acquaintances working in the same company – as explained in the point above people would dig in more information about the company/ clan of the prospect

6.    Interview date selection – If step 5 is satisfactory, a meet up date is selected. This meet up date is between the girl and boy these days and per the availability the place and time is decided.

7.    Call for the interview process after seeing the eligibility of the applicant – the HR Calls the person in case of job interview. The parents or the prospects themselves decide of a date/ time they would meet.

8.    Technical round – technical glitches and the first interface between girl/boy or the technical interviewer is analyzed. This is an important round as we proceed only when the technical interviewers agree.

9.    CEO Round – time for the parents to meet the prospect. Telling them about their family culture, habits and stuff. In the real job interview, CEO explains the vision statement etc.

10.  HR Round – This is the final round with relatives and parents and the entire clan for approval.

11.  Finding more about the company –

·         Location – where would you end up after marriage?

·         Work culture – Habits and family traditions/ work culture and policies in case of company

·         Any past records – previous relationships etc in case of marriage, criminal records?

12.  Salary Negotiation and hike – this is funny, while salary is negotiated by the employee and is an important factor, in case of arrange marriages dowry was discussed in the primitive times which is now illegal. Pompous clans still settle by calling them “gifts” – all illegal though!

13.  Take the job or quit the offer – the decision to say yes or no. Remain single or jobless!

14.  In case take the job, wait for the offer letter – Marriage certificate/ wedding card is the offer letter in case of marriages.

15.  Shopping! -  For formals and the like in the new company – yeah no explanations needed there, girls and boys shop any way!

16.  Moving to a new location which is near to the company – in case of marriages, the bride moves to her husband’s house, in case of jobs you move near your new organization.

17.  Resigning from previous company/ evaluating your decision in case of first job – Say bye bye to previous organization or relationships in case of marriages. Also the girl moves from the parents clan to the in laws clan.

18.  Completing the process and term period in the previous company – Generation of documents like character certificate, final papers and salary slip from the company. Documentation is the marriage invite – wedding card and marriage certificate in case of weddings.

19.  New Job - Taking the job and being apprehensive about it vs adjusting to a new family (mom in law, papa in law, sister in law, brother in law), meeting new people, following new company policies/ culture and the like – no extra marital policy

20.  Project and team allocation – while in an organization you get an appointed reporting manager and daily work that you do, in a marriage house hold chores and your mother-in-law who becomes your reporting manager. She introduces you to mini projects (cleaning/cooking/washing/dusting) that one understands and undertakes from the first week i.e right from your allocation.

21.  Seat selection – right and left side of the bed or the dining table seat arrangement, an employee would always have a seat to himself/ herself.

22.  Setting up your drawer and table – be it your wives/ mother’s/ pet’s framed picture, a plant and that favorite coffee mug at your office desk, one also arranges his/her cupboard/ house and home after getting married.

23.  Finding likeminded people for lunch break and outings/ cigarette break – kitty party with a bunch of aunties or your spouse’s friends or your group of neighborhood friends give you company. In an organization, your group of colleagues accompanies you to lunch and grapevine.

24.  Learning about office politics – the grapevine with your bunch gives you a lot of fuel to judge people. Similarly characteristics are brought up by the elderly, working staff and the neighborhood.

25.  Getting used to the external staff – the wife/ husband better be good with house helps, drivers, gardeners and dhobis for a fine overall rapport. In case of an organization the employee must have a good rapport with admin, IT, cafeterias staff and HR personnel’s.

26.  Working on the rapport with your reporting manager – Your mother in law is the reporting manager after marriage. She gives the feedback to your parents (Higher management) and peers (husband), on the basis of which your appraisal is closed. All team building activities in the kitchen are performed with her. It’s on you if you share a good rapport or a soured bond with your RM.

27.  Attending all team meetings and client calls – while you become very engrossed in your roles and responsibilities in a project, you make sure you and your team never misses any client calls or meeting, in an arrange marriage, these client calls become birthdays/ anniversaries and wishing calls to relatives and team meetings become family dinners and lunches one cannot miss and has to attend.

28.  Taking holidays only when you apply for leaves – after one is married you seek permission from your family and are allowed to go to you parents or holidays with friends (happens rarely) for a stipulated amount of time because in law family comes first. If you are employed, it goes without saying those holidays and breaks need an approval from your manager. Sick leaves being unplanned leaves.

29.  Acting sick because you need a breather from office – too much of mum in law/ family pressure? Or tired working even on weekends in office. There is always an escape. Getting out and bunking or sleeping for hours by acting sick.

30.  Nervous breakdown during appraisal and feedback – times when you would cook and all the relatives would come and judge you! Or times when after 2 years of marriage a lot of relatives would call you to start “family planning” or times when you would conduct a pregnancy test and be happy or sad about it by acquiring a senior position of a mother! – That would be marriage appraisal. Similarly, office appraisal would be for acquiring a senior level position or hike.

Be it a job interview or an arrange marriage, we put our heart and soul and want the best for ourselves. Either way we work it out and filter or become more flexible towards our selection criteria…and that my friend is life, destiny or your world of choices!

On an unrelated note, to the uneducated, the culture of arrange marriages in India is still high. Marriages within the caste/community are still traditional and eventually parents or friends “hook you up” with common friends or acquaintances. Nevertheless, Freedom is the word. Inter-caste marriages, Love marriages and live-ins are utterly not rare. Yes we are a “contemporary” country, vices being disloyal to one’s spouse or choosing extra marital affairs. Thanks to our famous writers, producers and directors, our soaps and movies are based on the same concept.

The Dheet

Like a shadow, a setback always follows one. Particularly if you wish for something, rather badly, it makes you wait or even cry for it. What would you do? An awaited result, stuck money, jammed bottle of nutella when a strong arm is missing, a ghastly relationship, or that promotion you wanted terribly…there are n number of hindrances due to n number of reasons.

In a country like ours, people would refer “gifted” people and seek their blessings, start distributing alms or “charity” all of a sudden or commence being spiritual or superstitious, consult a psychic or a crystal ball or the parrot who picks and reads your future, feng shui, publicize their problems to the world and eventually GIVE UP.

It’s funny how people give up and lose their faith so easily. On one hand there is a mother who lost her own son in a terrorist attack, but she never saw the dead body of her son. So she plans to bestow her whole life in searching and hoping for her son’s return. Whereas on the other there are teenagers who feel are intellectually challenged and cannot pass school/college exams, or study, and choose to become sex workers, thieves or chain snatchers for easy money. I am not judging anybody here; everybody has a story, but why choose the easy way?

I also comprehend our eco-system where good cannot exist without bad and virtue balances vice. But why, when two infants, pulled out the same second, with the same composition, hard work (man power?) and timing result in one villain and another hero? Yes, we are all different, and yes we are all heading towards becoming psychopaths, depressed and disease prone.

Our shaping lifestyle in a nutshell - We tend to use shortcuts, buy chopped veggies and processed food, read guide books and revision question instead of real books to get the gist, we save time by using god knows what abbreviations in text messages, we booze when we are gloomy or happy or stressed or always to get the “good” feeling, we don’t write letters because they are a waste of time and money, we walk only on treadmills, we have become fake inside out and we pick the easy method everywhere. Our criminal tendencies have increased, so has our temper, we cannot take no as an answer, failure or rejection. We are impatient and restless, we want quick money, we can’t live without an air conditioner in summers, we can’t resolve our own issues leave others and afterwards we tend to be independent and separate. We have divided the world into two types – rich and poor, losers and winners! We have started complicating instead of complementing life. Oh hi “new age” world. Let us detoxify and introduce ourselves to Stone Age now. How? …Good Question.

Meet the “Dheet”. Congregate with the dheet in you – that stubborn, obstinate wild untrained beast that heaves a deep sigh only after it accomplished what it wanted. Like that passionate mother who keeps looking for her son in every damn teenage boy in the world that comes across her eye. Push your limits, run like someone’s running after you with a meat cleaver, shout, jump like you would touch the sky, listen to your favorite song so loud that you can’t hear anything else, hold your breath and dive, feel the air and smile, cook, sing, smile…laugh and cry (yes! At the same time), LIVE and realize your worth. Feel the worth of your beautiful self and mind that you are wasting every minute.

The dheet feels the elements, the dheet knows the purpose of his/her life, the dheet loves and laughs and most importantly the dheet never ever has any regret in life. Setbacks, hindrances, failures and rejections are for those who give up.  Innovate and stick to your idea like a dheet by believing in yourself. Become the dheet that can change the world with goodness and love.

***“Dheet” is a hindi word for being stubborn, willful, obstinate or a bolshie.

The Law of Popularity

There was once a little boy who was 5 years of age. As a practice, each year he would meet his grandmother, cousins, aunts and uncles who lived far away, during his summer vacations. That was the best time for him and he always thought why can’t we, like cave men live together, under one roof! A humongous, gigantic and enormous clan – and all of them together and happy.

As he grew and spoke his mind he understood what people like to listen and what people did not want to listen. Hence he started filtering what he wanted to tell and what he did not. In his teens, he went through the shy phase and observed what smooth talking was. Why are some people always criticized and why are some so popular. He then started appreciating what he hated, hated what others hated and realized gees I have a lot of friends and I am popular!

Also, during his academics – when he was asked to write an essay on his family, he thought in the exam centre – I don’t have to think here. I know them all so well that I can write things about them even without thinking. And that is exactly what happened. When he started to write about them, he realized that he had exceeded the word limit and just had to end the essay. But he was now confused, as to why he had to think and say things about other people, he did not want to.

In college, he realized that the people you know, whom you are genuine with and care for them need no justifications and are always there for you – true friends, just a few! To the rest of the world the law of popularity as discovered in his teens was applicable.

Over the years when he developed good friends which were like family and his own family he realized no pretension was needed with them. So why would he become popular and be praised by people, when he said things what people wanted to hear, or when he lied…

The law of popularity is not what everybody likes. Your opinions are not audience poll but your own. And this foremost difference entitles “YOU”, good or bad. Wise if your views are, a number of people would appreciate else you would be slated. Remember, the smarter you get, the more selective you become. So if you cannot shun the deleterious people, who shatter your self-esteem, humbly apply the rule – hear (not listen) and snub. Choose your people. Stop worrying about your fan clubs and hate clubs. Life is too short to loathe prize-fight, get into quarrels and arguments, expect a lot and then cry. It is the selected few who would love you forever and for always. After all, nobody “NEEDS” a family, a marriage, friends or a spouse unless we “WANT” them to be associated with us and to love us by loving them back. (Law of reciprocity)

This year reintroduce the little girl/boy in you who used to love and speak his mind without any filters or conditions or expectations. Apply the new rule of popularity which is not to say what they want to hear BUT to be yourself and lastly, shun the negative ones to get self-motivated and to progress.