In a parallel world...

He was alone that night with her, it was raining and he was shivering, she took off her dupatta and gave it to him, he covered himself and was grateful to her. It was a chilly December night and at 11:30 pm on the streets on Delhi, some say it’s a nightmare; some call it the rape capital of India. One could hardly see anything in the fog and the drizzle. As he walked a lot of emotions were running in his mind. Then he chuckled “he was a man”, what can possibly go wrong. She was walking audaciously, smiling, eating an ice cream and chatting. She had a beautiful smile. He looked at her and said, don’t you think it’s late, it’s not safe! She said – “I am there, you need not worry”! They had known each other since quite some time so he could blindly trust her. But the 1% fear is always there.

His parents lived in another city and were always worried about his safety. The day he was born, the entire clan was disenchanted. His grandmother gave the sorrowful news to all, in a rather very gloomy tone, that a baby boy was born. She was so ill-fated that she did not talk to her daughter in law for months. Every time he came near her, she thought of him as a good for nothing adult who would make his parents ashamed of him. They did not have that kind of money to be spent when he would get married. They, like everybody wanted to have a girl! As he grew up his little sister was always given the first preference and supreme attention. Most of the times, he felt that he was mistreated and his sisters were nurtured and pampered like a princess. He never complained. He studied on his own and came to Delhi University for higher studies. He was always scared of the raucous city and especially those notorious girls, some of them were even daughters of politicians and some, criminals on the loose.

The weather was perfect and he liked her a lot. Over the months they would sometimes bunk classes, find excuses and meet every evening to spend time with each other. She was quite admired by her professors and was popular in college and a lot of guys were after her, he always wondered why she chose him. He also feared that she might be having an affair or might leave him someday but she never gave him a chance to make his worst feelings come true. She was the most loyal, caring and loving girlfriend one could ever have. He felt safe when he was around her. She was bright, good looking, smart, was in her college football team, funny and she could cook too! He was an average student at school, somehow completed his engineering and got a placement through reference because he did not want to sit at home with his parents who would always compare him with the apple of their eye, his sister. He feared if he did not work, he would be forcibly married to one of those successful women entrepreneurs and he would be caged forever, taking care of their kids and just socialising with other house husbands.

As they walked through the broad uninhabited roads of the capital with some street light flickering, a group of girls approached him, they looked raucous and he was petrified. One of them even had a weapon in her hands. She did not realise that they were surrounding him and was busy chit chatting and finishing her ice cream. Then a hefty girl started dragging him in the car. She looked up and bellowed, if anyone even tries to hurt him, I will not spare even one of you. She put the ice cream stick in the eyes of the lady who was pulling him through the window. They tried to escape, she picked a rod from the road and started hitting their van. They finally escaped but he had bruises all over his face. She reassured him and told him that everything will be alright. He was angry that she did not listen to him earlier and was now a little scared of her when he saw her in full rage, hitting the van like a beast and running behind it.

Later, he asked her a question – “Darling, when we get married and have kids and if we fight sometime, will you get angry and hit me or the kids, the same way you hit those girls the other day?”, she just smiled and comforted him.

#this is a true story based on the following assumptions -

- Female foeticide happened because of men

- Females were respected more than men

- India became a female dominating society

- Dowry had to be given by men and not women

- Houses can be run with women as “head of the family” and men supporting them

- Domestic violence was carried out by women

- The word “male-ego” did not exist

- Women were not scared of anything

- Men were raped every year and were scared to go out

- Women were so strong that they could protect themselves and men

- The streets of Delhi were just about women after 11pm

- Men were not given as much credit as women in offices or at home.

 

Life at the eleventh hour!

This one’s my first in 2015, after a long time; I now have a collection of over 25 unfinished snippets written over the last 3 months, sitting in corners, trains, planes and buses. I was never able to complete them and it undeniably portrays my muddled and hurried life. So this weekend I decided to turn things over, forget everything else, spend some quality time with family, let my hair down, cook, write, smile, do what I like, played with a dog, joked and danced like a fool! It feels like someone just pressed F5 on the button of my life (else it could have been a forced system shut down)

We all crave for balance in our lives particularly when one activity in our routine eclipses the other, be it work, duty, responsibility or a deadline. I know workaholics who would take a few days off out of India with their family once in a year and name it a luxury vacation and then get back to the daily rut, to each its own, works for them! Nowadays children are more used to keepers than fathers and nannies than mommy’s! We are all busy earning a quality life for ourselves and our children. Because the whole meaning of quality is not based on basic, it has traversed to luxury. Children want an “image” which is popular but at the same time “superficial”. Girls want to be supermodels than being fit or healthy, we are into designer labels. Boys want their gadgets and branded jackets and shoes because that’s the inn thing. We want labels and mansions and beach houses with big cars and to achieve all of that, one has to work so hard for hours, which is the sad circle of life. So where is the time for us, our health, fitness, time for family or our interests? Unfortunately our interests and family is cornered or ignored when one is not born with a silver spoon and has to work hard to accomplish the worth one dreams of. This also leads to a number of diseases particularly like obesity, depression, low self-esteem and condemning yourself and the ones near you. So how does one save himself/ herself by not becoming a mad bot?

Henceforth, it is alright to open up and share. It is essential to exercise and engage in physical activities. It is alright to be social, meet new people, act foolish and dance once in a while. Though the one week vacation to an unknown place with a beach house or that luxury hotel on the hill top will give you some quality time with your family but remember you will be back to the same “I don’t recognize my kid anymore” situation from the coming Monday when you join work. Take out time and try to understand your family. Be meaningfully engaged on a day to day basis with your family. Silence causes a jagged communication hurdle in a relationship. Talk it out, laugh more and value what you have, be it family or your own accomplishments. It is tragic how having a balanced life just remains as phoney new year’s resolution for some. Almost all successful people have the right kind of support and love from their family; these people never disregarded or ignored their own family but worked hard with them on their side. Eradicate the loud desperation and insecurity about that job of yours or the not so perfect body of yours. Try to fall in love with both. Let us set the boundaries of our own lives, live by our rules where personal life is concerned. Time shall never come back again, so shall age. Once gone it will be gone with us confused, hurried, trying to complete targets and accomplishing our monthly salaries all the while. So save some time for fun which is later automatically converted to a memory. To wake up well rested and happy and sleep with no tensions or with a smile shouldn’t be an aim. Relationships fail when you marry your work or do something robotically day to day and hate yourself when there is no balance. We don’t want to be so busy making a living that we forget how to live.

We live in a society where men are supposed to work more in the office on “difficult” tasks than women, which is a separate debate altogether. Why do we irrespective of our gender have to define ourselves so strongly by our jobs? Someone working to death in a society is looked up as a virtue whereas the situation would might just be opposite in the organization one works for. Top organizations around the world strive for outcome, innovation and creativity and not just backbreaking or protracted efforts and extra time in office for a non-value add. Remember that the classic corporate or business warrior or the obsessed over children, all time mother and housewife needs a break! Get your physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual side right because success is not slogging to obtain all the luxuries but passion and balance. A life well lived with your family and friends looks like heaven.

Sassy - Not Trashy!

I am a feminist, and being a feminist – I was requested to write a piece on women. Although I would never question nature, I have witnessed a few things girls or women are petrified about and what they go through every day, of which men are free from care.

Ever since early years we have been imparted with etiquettes on how to sit, how to talk or eat and how to smile gently, ‘as a good girl’. Our security is always a concern with the crime rate turning high by the second.

Teenage or adolescence is a catastrophe for girls – interaction with the opposite sex, mood swings, acne, the that time, deciding main subjects for high school, aggravation of uncertainties, exasperation and aggression, fortification from a lot of things on one hand and the MOTHER who deals with all of that! I can write a book on mothers – the superheroes but let me first follow the protocol.

So when the teenage is fortunately accomplished, the college age arrives. Here our intelligent little sunshine is now a grown-up; she is mature and takes her own decisions, attends her classes in college, parties with her friends, studies hard and plans her goals. She aims to pursue higher studies or picks up a job to further her career. She has her siblings and her family by her side to comfort her and deal with her problems. She talks to her peers and folks in case of confusions and indecisiveness.

Be it higher studies or job there can be diverse facets. She would either leave her home and experience hostel life or live all by herself OR she could also live with her parents and undergo working life. By this stage I feel, parents and folks also grow into chilled out friends or buddies. Yes, they are concerned and still worried but the issues are altogether poles apart than those from school or graduation.

Life from 24 – the parents think of settling their little girl. Giving her away to a responsible, educated and good looking man who is seeking their convent educated, beautiful and slim girl! Love marriage or arrange marriage – life after wedding is same for all girls. She leaves her house formally and enters in a new family, unaccustomed to the traditions she familiarizes with ‘his’ mother, father, siblings, relatives, pets and house help as her own. The settling takes a little time. She gets used to it progressively, deals with a lot of compromises and learns a lot. He on the other hand, adjusts too. She is a working woman who is married and has to be home in time. She cannot go to holidays and party all by herself, like she used to when she was 20, she wouldn’t want to now because she has a husband and a family to look after and share her life with.

Motherhood– Time to plan a family now! Pregnancy brings a lot of insecurities in a woman, she thinks her career will go for a toss. But it’s her decision to have a baby and she thinks she is responsible for taking care of him. So career takes a back seat and raising the miracle you created is a new chapter and a journey altogether. Mothers are an epitome of patience, love and care. They know your emotions, they know how to calm you in a matter of seconds, they are concerned and worried for you even if you are 50 and they are the BEST innovation of God! She raises her children and the cycle continues.

Now, I don’t understand how women can be regarded as a weaker gender because we are made to endure pain and explore motherhood naturally. We have our own fears even as a little girl and we have the will power to take care of a lot of things at the same time. It’s in our DNA.

I am not criticising men, but it is momentous that men endow her with that ecosystem in which a woman would flourish. Do not make her cry and do not disrespect her for her ideals are as important as yours. Your lady deserves your time and respect. Do not abuse her – sexually or mentally. Domestic Violence is not what she expected when she was keeping karwachauth for your long life. She is an epitome of compassion and love. A lady created you, but still a lady has to carry a pepper spray while walking on the road. She is attractive, beautiful and dresses up the way she likes, which undoubtedly becomes her own fault because she is accused of provoking men! She is looked at by a rowdy man on the road as a piece of meat and when she objects and challenges him, she gets her “lesson”. When she takes public transport, she is scared for the male driver could do “anything” to her. She avoids all secluded places and roads because she is scared. She has to be home before dark because it is not safe alone. Her chain or mangalsutra could be snatched on the roads by a man, she can be raped by a man who could also be a husband/ son or a brother and would leave a grave mark and a wound on some other lady with pride! Probably that’s his need, but the ladies life would be at stake. Why can’t we realize to protect and respect the lady instead of gawking at her and making her look cheap. Don’t make her timid by snatching her confidence and self-esteem with that chain of hers. Checking out chicks and bird-watching isn’t a hobby. Respect a lady. Trust me for a woman it’s nice to be made to feel like a queen, like a LADY!

 

“Her” time...

Dedicated to the working women who are daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, bosses, cooks and the like. They manage their everything, their family, their world and their houses. They are an indispensable support predominantly emotionally and physically in the clan.

There were a lot of guests/ friends expected in the house party tonight. She decided the menu with him and paid extra to her maid for helping and reheating the exotic Italian and washing the utensils. She gave her’s and his clothes for dry cleaning. Cleaned the entire house, re-arranged articles, put the recent pictures and frames and crystals in front. Changed the sheets and covers. Cleaned the kitchen, drawing room and the bar, vacuumed the sofas and wiped the tables. Menu was planned and almost 12 dishes had to be prepared including appetizers and desserts. She got the groceries and started doing the preparations a day in advance. The previous night, the house was spic and span. She filled the salt and pepper in the swan like salt and pepper stands, she put the condiments in tiny bowls. The spoons were sorted and only the similar ones were taken out, the serving spoons were arranged at one end with bottle openers and forks. There was ample ice in the freezer, dessert was all done and festooned in the largest tray, and it looked so tempting in the freezer.

The garden and the entrance was neat with the weeds grabbed out. She tipped the gardener for painting the pots. The wall hangings and paintings were also cleaned with a cloth. She had her deadlines to meet in the office so she worked in the night too. Her baby was fed and was quietly sleeping and she went off to sleep, restless till the last minute and hiding unwanted stuff from the side tables of the drawing room, she arranged the magazines and newspapers and went off to sleep.

She got up early morning, groomed herself, painted her nails and shampooed her hair. The house was rechecked for any spider webs or dust, everything looked incredible, the curtains were drawn and the fancy china was on the table. She now went off to work. It was Friday. She returned hurriedly in the evening and did the cooking, changed and did the last minute preparations with her maid. The guests started coming from 7pm onwards. She picked her baby from the crèche and he went off to sleep after an hour of storytelling and dancing. Her husband arrived between 7:30 to 8:00 pm and quietly changed and attended the guests.

While the men were busy refilling their glasses, she was busy taking care of appetizers and the ladies. We are god gifted when it comes to chinwag or gossip. Blathering is in our veins, we can empathize, cry, laugh, and become angry all at the same time with different people of course.

So here was she, glowing and looking beautiful, wearing her pretty silk saree with those ethnic earrings and lovely bangles, very tired though, entertaining the guests, serving and talking about children, experiences, baby fat, feeding, discipline, how kids behave these days, what do they learn in school, potty training, teething, how her baby left bottle and graduated to a glass, stupid parents, good parents, people who aren’t parents, planning a baby, crushes, mother in laws, men, fashion, exhibitions, no time for shopping, office, bosses, weather, neighbors, sales, jewelry, recipes, how do they maintain the spark, menopause, nail polish shades and due manicures, house hold remedies, books and movies and actors, designers and shops where one can get first copies, facebook pictures, children , sister in laws, pest control, daily soaps, hygiene, scented candles, curtains, how to avoid split ends, complications of the body and relationships, sick parents, ailments, flab, constipation, foot wear, their last holiday, cravings, maids, exercise, how to store stuff in the fridge which can last long, importance of drinking water, Mrs. Oberoi smokes, affairs, olive oil and canola oil, blood pressure and cure, lipsticks, bed sheets, hand bags, how to store woolens …and much more.

The men still busy with eating, talking about property, policies, automobiles, gadgets, taxes, mobiles, cricket, stocks and alcohol.

Dinner was served at 11pm and all had an enjoyable time chatting and eating. The get together was a success! The food was fantastic and they all had a delightful time. They loved the dessert and took another serve till it was polished. It took another hour till the time they said bye to the time they reached the gate, they made the programs for a holiday, next vacation plan, men were a little tipsy, and women had their cocktails and were happy high, the food made them all sober though. And the “till me meet again” dialogues began at 1:30 am, someone decided on a place where they will all go for a vacation, they discussed the dates and discussed those dates when they could all confirm first, someone made a watsapp group, someone made an ONLY LADIES watsapp group and some naughty guy made a BOYS ONLY watsapp group, they added the lesser known on facebook and shared contacts of crèches, masseuses, maids, doctors and on call beauty parlor ladies, people shared resumes and some even added others as their emergency contacts, all of this happened between the door and the main gate, it was 2:00am.

Her saree was crushed and she couldn’t stand anymore. Between we should do this more often to nice to meet you to air kisses and hugs and waving good byes, she wanted all of them to LEAVE. RIGHT NOW. She had office the next day and her baby had to be fed again and wrapping it all up was in her mind. She wanted to store the left overs in the refrigerator and wear her most comfortable pajamas, sit in a corner with a blanket and sleep or read a book or watch her favorite movie. While there were people still chattering and thanking her for a lovely time, in her mind, she was already wrapping stuff and cleaning her carpet for any spilled curries or drinks. She wanted pin drop silence and was yearning for seclusion. She wanted him in solitude and wanted to cuddle and sleep and not to be disturbed for hours and days. She wanted to wake up late and wanted to be served with bed tea. Not that she wasn’t social or disliked the guests, she wanted to escape from the rush, she couldn’t smile or laugh anymore. She wanted no one for an instance and needed the silence …she wanted “her” time!

 

When Tables Turn

When she looked into his eyes,
She could find love and no lies.
Those lashes, eyes big and deep,
In her fantasies, she took a leap.

Gush of emotions and her agile mind,
Was it true love, she was utterly blind.
Speak up, I have to say something,
Thought over again, or is this a fling?

Now, she had to get back her senses,
Distracted, she used all her defenses.
His charm was not letting her speak,
Good-looking and that fit physique!

With her poise she at last spoke,
How are you, the silence broke.
A reply came from the other end,
He spoke, alas she couldn't amend.

Bowed down she laughed so hard,
Voice a millimeter, body of a yard!
Jesus! He sure sounded like a shrew,
Whenever he stops, I shall bid adieu!

She was elegant, striking and sweet,
His charm, she would have to delete.
Exasperated, she thought to reject,
Striking man said I am not perfect!

I have a heart of gold, if you wonder,
But picking you would be a blunder!
Her eyes now as wide as a UFO Saucer,
How dare he abandoned and prosper!

Mommy, she cried, I feel so dejected,
Shocked,she then felt utterly neglected.
Why would you do that, please explain?
I have it all in me, consider and abstain.

He said politely in his mouse tone then,
Your beauty would be loved by all men.
But your views and thought not so ripe,
To each its own, you are not my type!

Where I had to put my thumbs down,
Look at the man, he made me a clown!
Earlier she laughed at his funny tone,
Never mock again, the fact well known.

Infuriated at what had just happened,
He stole her thunder, deeply saddened.
It is such an unfair world, she thought,
From eternity she now became a naught!

My LV!

Has been a while since I have written, and 1:00 am sure is a perfectly unobtrusive stretch when one feels a void in the gut and there, a packet of lays, ah too salty, with a perfect packet of Hershey’s open. Did I just mention lays and Hershey’s and not say potato chips and cookies or just snack time? Why Maggi and not noodles? Why surf and not detergent, why Prada, Gucci, LV and Hide design and not my purse, why Cavalli, Armani, Ralph Lauren, Ritu Kumar and Rohit Bal and not just clothes, why Nike or Puma, Reebok or Adidas and not my running shoes, why my Mac Air, Dell, HP and not just a laptop, why my Bullet or Harley and not just a motorbike? We are all about brands and association these days. Even food is labelled – I am eating a Hagen dais ice-cream, a Starbucks coffee, a Mc Donalds burger and there detailed association.

Now, give a Mc Donalds burger to a filthy beggar lying on the railway station floor, who has probably not had food for the last couple of days? What would he think and eat – Bread! And would also thank you for showering him with food. There is a thin line here, people might take this as ignorance, what would the uneducated beggar know about Mc Donald’s and Gucci, you give him Gucci shoes and he would sell them or gift to his wife thinking she might not have to walk bare foot. BUT, the intent is we have forgotten the basic and have started believing in the cover or the make. A flight would take you to the desired place, business and economy class would come second depending on a person’s finances and comfort he/she is trying to seek.

Similarly we have these labels in our relationships. Talking about being judgmental, I know a girl by the name of “ah she is the one who got divorced”, “the fat one”, “the tall one”, “the giraffe”, “nerdy”, “loser”, “the pretty one”, “the jibber jabber queen”, “the bossy one”, “the irritating one”, “Boss’s girlfriend”, “teacher’s daughter – have heard that a lot!”…their characteristics become their identity, where are the name’s here?

We believe in association, thereby giving details and labelling people. Even Facebook asks for “tags” on people. Over the years we have forgotten that products are not people and vice versa. People with the same names define themselves remarkably. The ones with oozing self-esteem stand out and still need no introduction and are identified by their name. Did we ever introduce “God” as – Hey he’s that guy who is always worshipped and who created the universe. Husband, wife, sister, brother, sister- in –law, brother- in- law, friend, best friend, BFF, Soul mates are all labels when it comes to relationships. These become more complicated as we grow. Underneath these shells there are PEOPLE. People who understand you, care for you and think good about you. My brother in law before marrying my sister was just another guy and I wouldn’t be interested or would not even know him. But now he would matter and is FAMILY. We make our family and we make our relationships with unknown people. We get pets and give them a lot of love and food and a name, calling it our best friend and spending the happiest time with them.

With regard to association, people skills in companies are very significant. My account or engagement would have some 300 people or my company on the whole would have some 100 thousand employees but I would, in the end, know 50 employees? Or maximum 100? These people would interact with us, pool a cab, be a part of external teams, administration departments, finance or marketing teams, senior management or HR! Do we understand them as friends, No, these guys are colleagues and acquaintances, each having their own story, each born to a different DNA and each having their own victories and sorrows. Why not understand them as people first and then continue working with them. Who has the time? Why would I want to engross myself in someone else’s life, why intrude? Then does this give us a right to label them for our own convenience because my secretary Emily could be replaced by another Emily 4 months from now Think about it!

We have 1500 friends on facebook, we talk to 100 people every day, get our work or daily chores done through our house help, secretaries and a lot of other people. Do we really know them? How many people would actually help you when you break down, you have an emotional outburst, care for you when you’re old or visit when you die? Just family or also the one’s you care about. What is the driving force – the labelled relationship, my wife or my son will be there for me just because they are my wife or son? The army matters to a leader, the kingdom makes the king, people vote and make their ministers, indifferent one’s having the right designations or labels are just futile.

Make your relationships and worship them. Know the value of a rugged cloth covering your essentials than getting a designer dress. Know the value of food before having a fancy 16 course Italian meal with desserts; know the value of shoes before getting a 9 grand running shoe. Know that being healthy and running is important THAN flaunting the shoes in public and friends. Utilize these labels prudently if you can afford them. Because as products, relationships like designer labels are expensive and the most comforting!

My “LV” is not my Louis Vuitton; it’s for Love and Valuing it forever!

 

The Chosen One: The Closure

The Chosen One: The Closure: We exchange notes with a lot of people everywhere. Some are bound to stay some don’t. Acquaintances, common friends, people whom we greet,...