The Blank Canvas

 Aren’t we all born as blank canvases?

Well… yes and no.

Sure, we arrive with a genetic blueprint—our DNA, our lineage, the ancestral whispers embedded in our cells. But that’s just the underpainting. The real masterpiece begins when life picks up the brush.

From the moment we take our first breath, the world starts to paint on us. Parents, siblings, teachers, friends, neighbors, even the grumpy uncle who always complains about the Wi-Fi—each one adds a stroke. Some are bold and bright, others subtle and shadowy. And then there are those invisible brushstrokes—the words of encouragement, the gentle nudges, the “You’ve got this!” whispered into our ears during moments of doubt. These become our inner monologue, our guiding principles, our emotional GPS.

Ever wondered why some people seem to carry calm like a second skin, while others are like soda cans shaken one too many times? Is it temperament? Or is it the echo of voices they’ve heard growing up—voices that either lifted them or let them down?

Let’s be honest. Parenting is a wild, beautiful, chaotic art form. One moment you’re calmly explaining why licking the floor is not a great idea, and the next you’re threatening to cancel birthday parties, confiscate screen time, or call in the big guns—“I’ll tell your father!”

It’s a cycle. A dance. A crescendo of escalating tones:

“That’s not nice.”

“Please don’t do that.”

“I said no.”

“I’m serious now.”

“Okay, that’s it!”

And then… we reset. Back to square one. Can we break this cycle? Probably not. Did our parents? Nope. Do we love them any less for it? Absolutely not.

Because here’s the thing—every parent, whether human or hedgehog, wants the best for their offspring. Even a lioness teaches her cubs to hunt, not just to survive, but to thrive. And in our human jungle, we try to do the same—teach kindness, empathy, resilience, manners, and the art of saying “thank you” without rolling our eyes.

But the window is short. Blink, and they’re off to school. Blink again, and they’re taller than you, borrowing your charger and questioning your music taste. During this fleeting time, the canvas absorbs everything—not just the good habits, but the quirks, the sarcasm, the eye-rolls, the street smarts. It’s all part of the painting.

And what a painting it becomes.

Some canvases end up in boardrooms, others in classrooms, hospitals, studios, or tucked away in cozy homes. Some are displayed proudly in galleries of success, while others wait patiently in storerooms of potential. Some are abstract, some hyper-realistic. Some are layered with experience, others splashed with spontaneity. There are acrylics that withstand storms, and watercolors that fade but never lose their charm.

And just like art, we are open to interpretation:

Your spouse might have to tilt their head to understand you.

Your siblings might see a completely different picture.

Strangers might admire your bold strokes or question your color choices.

But every canvas tells a story.

Yes, there will be patches—mistakes covered up, regrets painted over. The varnish might wear thin with age, but the essence remains. A life lived, a journey painted, a soul expressed.

So, whether you’re a minimalist sketch or a riot of colors, remember this:

You are art.

You are evolving.

You are a canvas in progress.

And someday, somewhere, someone will look at your painting and say, “Wow. That’s a masterpiece.”

 

My feet...My Shoes!

They were meeting for the first time. It was a blind date, her friend had set up. She was tensed and fidgety. Before looking at his face, his Jhony Bravo like smile and physique she looked at his shoes. They said “Woodland” with a tree like woodland logo, the ranger make of those shoes made her contemplate he might be adventurous. They looked at each other with unmitigated expressions and she said in a soft tone “You like travelling?” He smiled and said 27 states, 8 countries…I love to travel. Relaxed, she could now converse for an hour about travel, food, traveling agents and the like. And then with a wry smile and a virtual tap on her shoulder, she wondered – “What a guess ;)”

Noticing and observing the shoes of people when you come face to face seems to be just a stupid and a peculiar rather a strange habit but it definitely makes you understand the “type” of person he/she is. Not trying to be judgmental here but it really helps. Shoes teach us a lot…read through what I write and you will understand how we can categorize and fathom people on the basis of their shoes.

To my dear (angrezi phoruner phriends) foreigner friends I mean – The word for slippers in Hindi is “Chappal”. That’s how we address shoes in India. But as a girl in her twenties I have explored, been obsessed with and collected a lot of shoes …a few I know of are -

Stiletto Heels, Kitten Heels, Cone Heels, Bellies, Prism Heels, Pumps, Spool Heels, Wedges, Sling backs, Flats, Sneakers (low top/ High Top), Clogs, Espadrilles, Marie Jane Shoes, Ballet Flats, Mules, Boots, Platform Heels, Athletic/ sports/ running/track/tennis/walking/gyming shoes, Beach shoes, Monk straps, Wingtip shoes, Galoshes, Pointes, Sandals, Slides, Mukluks, Flip Flops, Moccasins, Cleats, Kamiks, gladiators, Tap shoes, Saddle shoes, Open Toes Shoes, Indian Variety - Kolapuris, Canvas Shoes, Punjabi jutti, Beeded with glitter and flowers and fruits and colorful candy etc., Morris, Oshos, khussa shoes, gliders, Juttis etc (phewwww)

You can accurately judge a person just by looking at their shoes, psychologists say. Researchers at the University of Kansas found that people were able to correctly judge a stranger's age, gender, income, political affiliation, emotional and other important personality traits just by looking at the person's shoes. Lead researcher Omri Gillath found that by examining the style, cost, color of condition of the shoe, participants were able to guess about 90 percent of the of the owner's personal characteristics.

So I am certainly NOT wrong here. But what if the person is wearing some one else’s shoes? Wouldn’t that be a little unfair? The whole concept on one hand sounds too judgmental, but on the other hand, people do wear shoes that reveal their personality, whether they intend to or not.

Expensive shoes belong to high earners (predictable). Flashy and colorful footwear belonged to extroverts and shoes that were not new but appeared to be spotless belonged to conscientious types.

While some of the clues like the ones already described were obvious, other clues are more surprising.

Practical and functional shoes generally belong to agreeable people (I have always seen my Mom and Grandmother in DR Scholl’s). Ankle boots fit with more aggressive personalities and uncomfortable looking shoes were worn by calm personalities.

Shoes serve a practical purpose, and also serve as nonverbal cues with symbolic messages. Quite a lot of people tend to pay attention to the shoes they and others wear. "Shoes have great variety of styles, brands, looks, and functions. Because of this variety, shoes can carry individual difference information, but do they? I suggest the answer is yes and so does researchers.

However, psychologists noted that rarely some people will purposely choose shoes just to convey a certain public image that is different from their real personality. So there, I rest my case my lord.

According to me, shoes can be related to human lives, in a psychological way. The size of the shoe remains the same after a certain age, like the inner you, the beautiful girl/ handsome boy in you, the child in you, the flirt in you. The innocence that remains in you throughout your life, whereas the make, color, brand, taste, comfort and appearance changes. If the shoe does not fit, we do not change the foot. A shoe that is too large is apt to trip one, and when too small, to pinch the feet. The silliest thing is to get expensive baby shoes, because as the baby grows the shoe is doomed to be wasted, and if you still linger upon them, it gives blisters (shoe bites). The same situation when you have a high ego, if you still have it, it will give you blisters (bites that leave a deep mark). I have a cousin who is in school, his shoes are worn out, every now and then and my aunt happily says – “these are the days when he would play and grow tall and handsome”. So she gets him shoes from the most expensive brands so that the playful lad could concentrate on his football sessions comfortably. We go to the cobbler with high hopes to get our dearest shoe repaired; the sole can be changed but what about the soul if it were us? Stress disrupts human thinking? I say uncomfortable shoes disrupt human thinking. Ever walked in uncomfortable shoes and then walked on wet grass with bare foot? The feeling is just so incredible. That can be related to an unhappy relationship and then liberation…weeeeee…freedom! Or a nice holiday for a week after concluding your targets at work! Or that pebble in your shoe that irritates you and makes your life miserable, you cannot achieve anything until you shake it off from your shoe and take a deep sigh of relief.

Cinderella wouldn’t find her perfect prince if she hadn’t lost one shoe, not trying to make a point here, to carelessly leave or forget one shoe anywhere (preferably men’s locker room), but it was the shoe in the end, that made her a popular fairy tale heroine. (Really?)

Heard of passion for walking barefoot? Late Mr. Hussain (the Picasso of India) walked barefoot throughout his life, he never wore shoes! Now he wasn’t insane, he wasn’t poor (at all), the abstract paintings had bottomless capacity to make uninterrupted moolah, he was efficacious and tremendously artistic and imaginative…I mean the Richie’s who drive long luxurious cars, live in castles but still crave to earn a 'Hussain' on that exceptional wall. What was the reason for wearing no shoes then? ...He loved the feel of soil. I find that (unhygienic yes) but truly incredible. That’s innocent love…true love I say. Sticking to what feels good which brings that smile to your face.

Shoes teach us a lot, the cheap ones like the negative people the villains in your life who criticize and let you down have to be disposed and the expensive ones (family, friends and peers) have to be worn with extreme care.

Gawking at my shoe stand right now and thinking of accomplishing some more, I would say, it should be never so much about the shoes, but the person wearing them.

Everything and More...

It was 8 degrees in the capital today and I was literally shivering. I went to the nearest mall to grab a cup of coffee which would warm my numb hands and defrost my tongue. While I was at the coffee shop I ordered 1 cappuccino to-go…and the man at the counter billed it and asked me to wait for 10 minutes because of the rush. There was no place to sit in the busy evening 7ish hour of the coffee place so I chose to stand in the corner waiting for my coffee, sinking my cold numb hands in the deepest corners of my pockets. Restless as I am I started fiddling with my phone and looking around. There was a lot of noise.

Towards my right diagonal say 10 o clock there were fine gentlemen in their late 20’s or early 30’s (not all of them were charming) but over all, well bred, sophisticated and very well dressed. One of them had a classy leather bag which grabbed my attention and all six were so engrossed talking that I could barely hear.

It was just 2 minutes and I was told to wait for my order. So I started to concentrate further towards the hot “topic” among the boys and there I began to overhear. Bad habit though but amazing time-pass.

So one of them said – and this is why I don’t talk to girls. I so wanted to know “why”! I HAVE TO KNOW why…its my fundamental right to know why this fellow would elude girls for some disconcerting reason. The other one said – dude I am married, I am telling you they are all nice and cute in the beginning but from the day we got married till now, it has been 2 years or so she is a pain. Sometimes you cannot tolerate pain but other times you just deal with it. The third one said to him – you are so lucky you are married, we have been seeing each other since the last seven years and she still threatens that she will leave me one day and that I would not be able to do anything about it. All the while there was one who was very quiet, he hardly spoke and when others tried to ask him rather include him in the conversation he said – I am a happily married man, I see no fault in my relationship and everything is fine.

The stupid waiter started asking me about sugar and anything else mam etc. in the mean while and I missed some part I believe but I couldn’t resist and started to pretend that I was busy…started fiddling with my phone again and sat on a small table beside a little away from them.

1.    He just gave an opener I guess, which I missed, and then he continued. Think of women as – he started looking around for an example and then looked at his large coffee mug…think of women as a cup of coffee. The other five were quiet now and wanted an explanation for such casual comparison with the problem of their lives – so did I, suddenly I represented the women on earth and wanted an explanation too rather enlightenment ...so I listened more carefully now, pretending to read the menu.

2.    He pointed towards his cup and said - You cannot drink this coffee when it is very hot: Never talk, misbehave or aggravate a woman when she is angry. It will burn you and your blister your tongue.

3.    You have to drink this hot coffee at room temperature or cold – just the balance : talk in a gentle mood (room temperature) and do not neglect her (cold)

4.    Pour milk per your choice in this black coffee: you have an impact on her, your personality will reflect her and vice versa. Initial years and your actions will result and reflect throughout life (the amount of milk poured is permanent till the end if more)

5.    Sugar should be not too high or too low because it will be bitter: appreciate her not too much that she thinks it’s fake. Do not be bitter, else you wont be able to live

6.    Appreciate the waiter for he would serve you properly the next time also: appreciate and regard her family as yours, it will be all good as a result.

7.    Flavor it with chocolate, cinnamon, butterscotch for more taste : do not be boring, take interest in whatever she says, feel her emptiness (if the coffee is bland) and provide solutions (flavor it up) for a delightful taste.

8.    Respect the expensive cup and enjoy every bit of it: regard and respect your lady. She is the most desired, high maintenance asset of your life, the cup that you would demand and enjoy.

9.    You never leave the coffee that you ordered mid way and order another lest it is undeniably rubbish and you had no idea what you ordered in the first place : be loyal, our cup or your lady is yours till the end, do not have an eye on others coffee or you will have mixed tastes. You would forcibly change it (break the relationship) only when the expensive coffee (your valued marriage) is venomous or extremely disgusting.

10. Snacks with coffee are amazing - she will blend with every addition you give her in the most loving way – cake (children), sandwich (friends and family) etc.

11. You can take the cup far and wide when its to-go (love marriages, living away from family) – it will warm your hands and throat. Drinking it here is also an option but that way you will have to see if all others  have finished their coffee or not (arrange marriage – more compromises) but any which way the coffee is yours.

The others heard and all that while I considered myself as a cup of coffee and smiled. A coffee bean, may be because, I am not married yet ...but amazing co-relation! Till then my cup was empty but I wanted to hear more…and it was getting late. They all heard like a saint was enchanting prayers. And then one of them said – mine is Irish coffee, the other said mine is frappe…and I just got up and came home and smiled at the interesting comparison overheard at the coffee place.

The Closure

We exchange notes with a lot of people everywhere. Some are bound to stay some don’t. Acquaintances, common friends, people whom we greet, say hi’s within our workplace or external teams, neighbor’s neighbors, distant relatives, people whom you meet while travelling – in the metro, stuck at traffic signal, helps, cable guy, cute guy from the store, wrong numbers, vendors, shopkeepers, consultants, doctors, in the gym, at the club, in the swimming pool, drivers, guides, hair dressers, masseuses, nurses, hotel housekeeping staff, receptionists, security guys, car poolers, gardeners, your driving instructor, traffic police men, people who share cabs with you or that guy who collects money in front of public conveniences, ticket collectors, teachers, invigilators, IT team, people you just meet once or twice and then never…

On the other hand, in a parallel world, there exists those people whom you meet once and they have an imprint in your mind forever. If this lot disappears all of a sudden then one expects a ‘closure’. One gets a shock - How could he/she go missing? A loved one met with an accident and dies on the spot, astounded family and relatives question for a closure or the guy you love or are in a relationship with says I shall call and never calls makes you demand  a conclusion. Why wouldn’t he/she call me? Why would the person disappear from my life all of a sudden? Why would the person not answer my calls…why? The very thought would make you think, miss that person whom you have met once or may be never but has mistreated you by not accepting your calls and being rude to you. You would want him because he wouldn’t pay any attention to your madness for him. Or that interview clearance call from your dream organization that rejected you after the first round and said – “we will get back to you”, you would wait. Makes one gullible, like that puppy that was fed with milk and cookies by the owner for a few days, is at present kicked and mistreated, but still wags his tail and returns to the owner in search of food or love.

So, is a closure significant? Lets see, if the person/ thing that once made your world goes missing or is omitted all of a sudden, you would search. If the situation is out of your radar, say death or permanent damage or an intentional good bye then LET GO. We often have the tendency to fall in the same trap over and over again (the milk and cookie fed to a puppy example) and in the end of the entire episode which is bound to relapse, hurt ourselves or end up being emotionless, not trusting people or even worse, embrace pretension. Remember - “If people or things do not come back to you they were never yours”, living in false hope is a crime. Meera married lord Krishna who was well, God.

Time and again people hold on to someone and spend their lives thinking about them, comparing other people to the mentally married person, holding on to thoughts and expecting to get back to times they were once in. Similar situation is when people hold on to emotions or grudges for quite some time and grumble all the while. Trust you me, the other person would have no feelings or even the tiniest of clue as to what are you thinking or are cribbing about. Unless, you make your grieves rather apparent and believe in giving a theater performance to every single person who knows you and gain what was that petty thing you call – “sympathy”.

Often people tend getting physically hurt in order to gain sympathy over petty issues they would like to cover them up with. For instance – Little Jhonny broke a crystal vase and he sure knows that he shall be in trouble and grounded, however, when his mommy arrives – he would start crying and say, ah I have hurt my ankle so that the potential attention is diverted to his ankle and not the shattered crystal on the floor. Seeking sympathy is easy and there, closure becomes easy. Similar is the case with depression, we hide away from our feelings and start hurting our thinking process and our brain for mishaps and unfortunate circumstances that have occurred in our lives. Move on and let go. A mother left her daughter when she got divorced and mum and daughter were never in touch throughout their life. Mother married again, daughter lived with her father and step mom. She lived with a trust of closure but what did she hope for – nothing? If you say why does it always happen to me – there is always a “why not” glued to it. The bravery award goes to the one who handles all the why not’s in the most “let me not waste my time thinking about the closure, rather start afresh” way!

Closure is a waste of time, closure is not forever momentous, closure is not for the one’s you meet once or for someone who never reciprocates or those who treat you like anybody or an option rather “time pass”. Life goes on and one should move one without insisting on an appropriate finale. People come and go, life – goes on! If your words were a painting and you happen to write or say it to someone who just left you midway and never cared to come back, then that painting would always be incomplete and the canvas which is your life shall never be utilized. “The end” is not always important because there could be a new, better story that would just pop up to brighten your life.

Mind, Body and Reality!

It has been long since I have written. Really long. A very distinctive thought came in my mind today and I thought, let me, well …put pen to paper about it. Let’s just talk about the human mind…about humans…about us. What makes us foolish and what makes us so special. Going by the definition of “mind” - The mind is a set of cognitive faculties including consciousness, perception, thinking, judgement, and memory. The mind is the faculty of a human being's reasoning and thoughts. It holds the power of imagination, recognition, and appreciation, and is responsible for processing feelings and emotions, resulting in attitudes and actions. Our thoughts reflect our body and our action. It’s something that I am thinking or doing right now, will lead to consequences, good or bad, later. In times today, if someone tells you to “get your shit together” or “you’re messed up”, it just means you need to take a good control of your actions!

Most of us spend most of the day in office or commuting to office, office - where we work for which money gets accumulated in our respective accounts as salary. We get a few hours until we work again the next day. We get the weekend to relax where the accumulated money is swiped or drawn on EMIs, bills, eating joints, movie theaters, spas and shopping malls to give us leisure or fulfill our needs and wants. That’s life and that is it. Not to forget weekend getaways which required more petrol and more money go somewhere far and do the same, probably climb a hill in expensive shoes and tag ourselves on the online portals with pictures and stuff.

We are brand conscious. We want variety. We want more money. We want luxury and we need a relaxed mind which we are deprived of. Earning to eat a meal peacefully is so orthodox these days. We earn to eat at the loud and crowded food court after we watch out favourite movie with popcorns and coke. The typical “me” time is shopping alone or getting a spa, food I like is “at the luxurious 7 star restaurant”, place I like to visit is “ofcourse out of india”. Home is where the heart is because the 55 inch TV, AC, and a more comfortable bathroom with maids and a Jacuzzi?  is available with a number of remote controls and tantrums. Where are we heading to? Wrist band with heart rate and pedometers are a must with smart phones and ipads. Life is unimaginable with an air and a hair conditioner. We are slaves to technology and objects. And what adds to the hall of fame – the number of medicines one takes and which hospital one goes to for treatment. A lot of people take a lot of pride in announcing their diseases and consuming multi colored capsules as dessert. We walk with high thoughts, egos, iPads, iPhones, debit and credit cards and car keys with a lot of pride. Because without them we are nothing! Absolute Zilch!

Visit a mortuary today! See what happens to a dead body step by step. The same body you did not respect by eating junk, taking drugs and drinking. The same eyes which saw more money and comforts…get burned. The same nose and the same mouth …all in flames. The objects you choose to stick by other than relations are just left behind for someone maybe or for no one. Those expensive rings are objects but those hands who could have done a lot are wasted and burnt. Those high heels and suede shoes are yet again objects but the feet under them which could make you walk with your old parents for medicines and chores …are remembered.  Every part of you can be valuable to those around you, to the world but if you do not want to utilize them and do not understand your worth, they will still be burnt BUT not remembered. What matters are your deeds which your sane mind forces you to do. What matters is making someone smile, what matters is being a good son, friend, husband and a father. No one remembers that guy who was shot in a mob and was dumped beside the road. As Buddha states – “Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds.”

The mind is a beautiful thing. The Greatest Power is the Power of our Mind. Once we understand this and learn to use the power within us, we can create wonderful changes in our life. Think good and value your actions for what you have today, for tomorrow is just a “body”, burnt, buried or thrown…

One Virus

What is a Virus?

Well in layman terms – you sneeze or have a runny nose, have a temperature maybe. The doctor recommends some tests with rest and anti-biotics. You take a leave from work and feel down for a day or two. You then return to work and realize there is a lot of pending work and your body copes up with the unanswered emails, busy hours, and the rest.  Also sometimes a virus is also a way or telling people that they need to be aloof, they need some me-time and that their mind and body are worn out and you need a break. That’s a usual virus we all know of.

But who would have thought that the coronavirus, the giant imported virus, which is still threatening us, will have devastating consequences! Consequences that would move you and your world! Consequences that will make people insane! Consequences that will make them stay at home for more than a year! And Consequences that would take a billion lives to an extent that their last rites would not include their own family members burying them or burning their pyre, rather dumping them by men wearing PPE kits layer on layer, treating them as a radio-active waste!

We live in a different world now. The economy has been shaken, a lot of people have lost their lives or seen someone die, they could not even see the deaths of their closed ones! A large amount of people are unemployed or have changed their profession due to Covid because they at some point needed money to eat and support their families. Businesses have incurred humungous losses; a lot of market-sectors are doomed. Everything now is low key and most of us are scared to step out and are comfortable at home. There may have been some positives like spending time with family, Greater use of technology and digitalization, very less usage of petrol, no useless or unnecessary travel, surge in healthcare, financial inclusion etc BUT…

Is it all worth it?

As the word has spread that the cases have reduced, people have started going out, travelling to destinations for vacations etc. Now they might be taking precautions like wearing a mask or sanitizing themselves, but do we realize that 99% of use are still not vaccinated. The risk is the same as it was a year ago. The lockdown still exists. Now the question is when will this be over? Rather when will be able to breathe without masks or stop being a neurotic specially about our parents and children or loved one’s? Will the coronavirus ever end? Well the WHO says early 2022, but is that permanent? The roll out of vaccines is a huge task for the approx. 1.3 billion people in India, with other problems like rising unemployment whereas the government is primarily thinking about GDP. But with that said, per reports, the humidity in the weather (although coronavirus has flared up at different times and different temperatures in the world) and the moisture from the masks might lessen the severity of the virus. We might also achieve herd immunity, who knows! Nevertheless, there are a lot of other challenges that lie way ahead of us and we must collectively and responsibly surpass them. Therefore, it is time to be patient (and not a patient)!

It will end (well maybe) but one must be careful because there are monsters and viruses out there!

Choices and Negotiations

The art of choosing is important. We make choices every day, we make choices everywhere. From which t-shirt to wear in the morning or drinking coffee or milk or planning your weekend and choosing a place particularly. There are deeper choices that we make with people. We have to choose what nurtures our mind and body, like we have to choose healthy food over junk we definitely have to make a choice between what is relevant and noise. We have to make a choice between people who matter and the one’s we can ignore. We have to choose between responsibilities and happiness, between personal leisure and taking care of someone, between our future and the ones who will be in it.

So how do we do that easily without being fickle and indecisive?

Well the first thing is clarity of choice. Choose one and stand by it. Once you have made your choice. Work towards it. Weigh the pros and cons and negotiate your offer, you know minor adjustments here and there so that no one’s hurt and everyone’s ok, now, we cannot really make ever one happy. There will always be that one person or maybe a couple who will let you down, loathe you for some reason and never believe in you. Treat them as, well how do I put this nicely, furniture? I mean if a tiny armless chair is on your way you can always fold it and keep it in your balcony. Make sure the chair doesn’t rot if its raining. And you know that the tiny chair id not a necessity when you have a 8-seater dining table with teak wood chairs right in your living room (your family and closest friends) OR let’s put it in this way, what do you do when you pass a garbage dump? You cover your nose with a cloth, hold your breath and carry on right? You cannot do anything about the 100-foot land full of reeking rotten dump, you can’t possible sit and start cleaning, you just cover your nose and pass it.  So the crux of my very exhaustive analogies is that you have to by default ignore some people and they do not at all form the sample of the choices you make.

So once you have a choice, stand by your choice, make a plan and start negotiating, there’s no stopping you to come to a conclusion provided you ignore the hatred and noise. But what do we do with plans? We execute them, slowly and steadily you know like Mr turtle who won the race. The indecisive lot would always think that being the first is foolishness, they would rather see the world win the race and think of “learning” from them rather “benefiting” from their mistakes but in this process they become the masses who are too late in a queue and eventually they don’t proceed because there always will be other distractions, age, or obsoleteness in their way of “waiting” and “watching” and doing “nothing” resulting in “deterioration” of skills, intellect, time and energy. A person can work for 40 years and more in an organization and contribute zilch to his intellect, that’s a nightmare your parents would have had after giving you birth and expecting you to be a great person!

 

The shelf life of marriage

Marriage is like a mirror. It has to be always clean and transparent, it can be broken easily, and it's reflection is reflected on families, children and the society. In this era of broken mirrors, it has become extremely easy to come out of a bad relationship or a relationship that doesn't work. But who decides what's working for them and what's not? Whose right? Whose wrong? The emotional turmoil in relationships leading to a legal rather "mutual" battle involves a lot of pain, turmoil, energy, money, embarrassment, allegations and dirt. So what does a person do when he or she is not happy with a relationship? Do they sit and adjust like an animal in a cage or do they not care about the consequences and go on with an aweful exchange of muck.

The problem is "expectations", there are some genuine troubled ones also but that's a minority these days and it has become a trend to marry and separate intentionally for money, jewellery, property, alimony and the like. The laws towards women still stand far powerful than the laws towards men. There's dowry, domestic violence, forgery, rape etc which stands like a mammoth than that of a weak man, thinking you want money? Take it but don't dilapidate my life. And that's ladies and gentlemen mutual settlement, blackmail or extortion. 

Furthermore, there is women cell which further gives a woman 6 months cooling period to plan how and when after 6 months the boy's family can be pulverized. 

I don't say all girls do that but the minority who actually suffered or are in distress, either end their life or actually fight in court till they are old. That's the plight of real cases who suffer real domestic violence and the like. 

What has changed? 

The business model! The model has changed entirely from olden times where our mothers were mostly house wives and the father was the "man of the family". The woman was given a monthly something to run the house. She cleaned, raised the kids, cooked and did chores everyday. They went shopping for clothes etc 2-3 times or less in a year. The man was worshipped and everything depended on his mood, whims and fancies. He could be barberic, he could be nice to her! But there were rules. Rules for a woman. They went out for a holiday in nearby places like shimla and mussoorie. Travel was not vacay with my girlfriend's friends from a luxurious beach resort to Goa, dubai or Maldives with insta pictures of women in shorts and bandanas sipping on beer and cocktails, pub-hoppinh and getting a spa leaving their children behind to be taken care by nannies and in laws or the husband himself. Luxuries were way way less. There were were no cupboards full of clothes and accessories, there were very few brands for wellness and care, there was no swiggy or Zomato, no shopping malls, no online shopping, no mobiles, no laptops, no shoe racks full of shoes, no walking wardrobes, the women didnt talk about sanitry pads, sex was a taboo, Western wear was also a tabboo in a lot of families, smoking and drinking was a tabboo, everything was a taboo. Lol 

The PRESENT

Women are wayyy wayyyyyyy superior than men now. They are highly educated. They are smart, they work, they are CEOs, they are on the moon, in the courts, in hospitals, in goverment offices, in parliament's, in schools, in offices and practically every where but at home just cooking and cleaning. They earn and they think they cannot be taught how to live. Adjustment is difficult. Compromising is not easy for them. If the way they were treated by their parents is way differnt than the treatment they get from the in laws, they speak. They find their place, make it and sit on it like a BOSS! They raise their voice when required, they drive and abuse, they follow laws, they pay tax! Hence separation is easy when things dont go thier way and it has been made easy because they are EQUAL and they are not bound to take any nonsense.

So I have proved my point here. If we are equal, smarter and brighter than men, Do we need their alimony, their money, their property? I don't think so. If you're in a bad relationship, get out! Start afresh and carry on with the same de. Never play the woman card and try to remove the blotch and the stereotype people have been making for a few bad fish have spoiled the whole pond.

A day of bleh

 The future 

The thoughts of the future make us all insecure. Although you could have a good job, children to keep yourself more busy, a loving husband or wife and in-laws who are well nice, great friends, all assets like a luxurious car, a big house and a good bank balance. 

But under the mountain of responsibility lies your personal time, hopes and a big to do list. You cannot move the mountain alone, would need a force of people to tie it and pull the rope in an opposite direction. You would just quickly Bend and pick up your paper, the only sheet of paper where you will have all your answers. But even if you See that happening and manage to slip that golden paper out of the mountain, as just as you have the golden sheet in your hand, the ink on the paper will be all washed away due to rain? Or something? And all that effort of impressing people, befriending them and convincing them to make that mountain would go for a toss! Its a lot of work down the drain 

And then I sometimes feel, do I even need that paper? Life is well... unpredictable and Covid has taught me that. So here I am living life to the fullest or living like a fool - I am shopping, doing whatever I want, eating whatever I like, trying to be happy and not overthinking because we'll life is short and may end when you think all's under control and the future is secured! Ok I might be exercising, having multi vitamins or making some FDs but well life is unpredictable!

Instead of fighting for my rights and making everyone see the wild animal in me I decide to tame that wild animal and only curse in seclusion, every single second. I got my yearly checkups done, uric acid was a bit more but still Something inside of me seems dead. I don't care about future, anyone having big aspirations or ambitions annoys me! Everything annoys me 

Silence 

Some days command silence. Not grumpy not overly enthusiastic not emotional over remembering the dead or after reading the news...just silent. It helps me numb. Its one of those days where you get up, just follow your routine and spend the entire day like a clock..just ticking and doing your job. You don't care what others feel. You don't give a damn about the the world. Just priotitize your most important work and keep going. I learnt this from my father who works in this mode. No emotions. No fucks given. Just the job done and then taking a sigh of relief by doing your thing - walking or watching a series BUT not telling anyone about anything. Explore yourself and seclude yourself some days. Your quietness makes your family curious and when they ask is something wrong? Just say you have a headache so that they leave you alone again! Enjoy the silence in your head for a day, it feels good to be swamped in your own thoughts and cleaning your temp files for more memory!

The breakup 

Social media is the biggest distraction ever. I deleted Facebook, instagram and twitter for a day and I am feeling as if I don't have anything that's good enough to entertain me. The gram was ruling my life. Im sad in the first place but it looks like a breakup with a person who never appreciated me but always showed me that others are in a better place than me!

I think I will move on. But the gossip and memes and stories and stalking people I would never in my life meet, maybe ignore them if I come across them by hiding behind something big, bigger than my ego. But I'm feeling a bit lost today, maybe I would need to make a priority list which says number 1 - get a life, number 2 - fuck off laptop and number 3 - I just need a damn holiday. The likes and awws and a little hope that a crush would like my status or send the most easily available or recommended emoji! Im better than that!

Uljhay hue se - hindi poetry!

Zanjeeron me palay hai hum

Zanjeeron se bandhay hue hai hum

Zanjeeron ko na tod sakay hum

In zanjeeron me hi rehna ab seekh liya 

Nahi aata in zanjeeron se bahar aana 

Sab kuch ab waisa hi hoga...sab kuch pehle jaisa 

Agay badhna tha humein, bohot peechay hum aa gaye

Unnati na dekhi kabhi, ab unnati na dekh payengay

Zanjeer jeet gayi, himmat aur sahas bandh gaya

In zajeero me hum ulajh gaye aise ke bahar nikalna bhool sa gaye 

Restart Rewrite Rewind

Writing your thoughts and erasing them 

The fear of someone watching you write

Reading your thoughts, creating a mayhem 

Slouching and hiding not starting a fight 

Just to be unseen and writing in peace

Someone's arrival could cast a blight

Because they are just here to end a lease

By one means or the other, hook or crook

Would I dump my face in a hefty book

Not caring anymore if you read my thoughts

I need some alone time, connect the dots 

A lot of years passed by since I wrote 

But today I gathered the courage to quote

In a public place, thoughts not to be seen

As I write in seclusion without being mean

They want to read, interested in my writing 

The notepad being shut down at their citing 

No one around now but I see a gadget

Recording me while I hide inside my chalet

Four year olds with cameras are dangerous 

Where can I now hide my ideas vaporous

For today I felt that I could write in quietude

The universe said sorry, the skies still blued 

World will remain the same today tomorrow 

Quality time to write which I can't borrow 

How and when would I get time I wandererd 

Those eyes looked at me and conquered

Mom I need you, you can't do this to me 

She closed her diary and sipped her tea 

All yours my darling, I dare not think or write 

She lost her thought, her dreams all dryte

When the bugger is old, I will pen all down 

No slouch,

 no hiding, embrace my crown 

Hustling

The beauty of hustling is that you lose track of time. Is that a good thing? Absolutely! Because when you're alone, caught in a whirlwind of thoughts, trying to do what you love but struggling to start, it’s easy to get lost in distractions. You might think about reading, only to stop after a couple of pages, grab a snack, prepare a meal, take a hot bath, or call someone. Before you know it, you're bouncing between activities—eating, walking, or doing anything but what you intended. Your mind wanders, untrained and unstructured, and at the end of the day, you might find yourself binge-watching shows with snacks, indulging in skincare routines, or chatting with someone you'd rather not talk to.

But here’s the point I want to make: Discipline.

Structure is key. It’s about having an organized day—Activity 1, 2, 3, 4, followed by 5, 6, 7, with short, well-deserved breaks in between. Remember the structured days of school? Timed classes, short recesses, and clear transitions? That system worked for a reason. But as adults, we often abandon those principles. Hustling, with its urgency and momentum, brings back a semblance of discipline—if you don’t let it overwhelm you. It forces focus, order, and a sense of accomplishment as tasks get ticked off one after the other.

Take parenting as an example. Imagine not waking up on time when you have kids. Who’s going to get them ready, pack their bags, make breakfast, polish their shoes, or tie their laces? If you’re lazy, they’ll miss school, and you’ll miss your precious “me time” because they’re still home.

While relaxation and unwinding are crucial—whether through small breaks during the day or a vacation—hustling brings a discipline that’s hard to match. It’s okay to embrace mediocrity some days, to wake up, follow a routine, and not overthink things. No philosophy, no deep strategies, no obsessing over the past, present, or future—just following the rules of the day. It’s a mentality we might have resented as kids when our parents pushed us, but adopting a military-like precision occasionally can be incredibly freeing. Overthinking can take a backseat.

Personally, I’ve tried this method, and it works. Start the day with a clear plan: wake up, tackle tasks, eat breakfast, get ready for work, and take short breaks (maybe a laugh over coffee with colleagues). Work on what’s assigned, prioritize tasks, and stick to the essentials. Don’t overcomplicate things with unnecessary ideas or opinions. Plan meals, prepare exactly what’s needed, exercise or go for a walk to unwind, and get to bed on time.

The key? Keep your mind clear. No grudges, no regrets, no overthinking about anyone or anything. Just follow the plan, stick to the routine, and get things done. It’s a simple, effective way to keep moving forward.

Reel or Real

Have you ever felt an instant connection with someone after just one conversation? It’s like magic—or maybe a glitch in the Matrix. Of course, the other person might not feel the same way (awkward), but every now and then, you just *click*. And it doesn’t matter if they’re from a different lifestyle, are decades older or younger, live halfway across the globe, or pray to a god you can’t pronounce. Sometimes, it just works.  

It’s the kind of connection that has people meeting on the weirdest corners of social media (or in the frozen aisle of a grocery store) and ending up married—or at least DMing each other memes for life. We’ve all heard the stories. But let’s face it: behind the anonymity of chat forums and social apps, it’s all one big fat lie. That 36-year-old you’re chatting with? They might be 24. Or 54. And those filtered selfies? Let’s just say Photoshop is doing the *Lord’s work*.  

We spin tales, morph photos, and share half-truths with strangers who could be *anyone*—a heartbroken widow, a bored spouse, a hormonal teenager, or, oh, I don’t know, a criminal mastermind. It’s like starring in a low-budget reality show with zero production value and a whole lot of risk. Best-case scenario: you gain a pen pal or, if you’re really lucky, a soul mate. Worst case? Welcome to the world of online scams, blackmail, and digital drama so epic it deserves its own Netflix series.  

But hey, harmless chatting can be oddly addictive. No sharing passwords, no family secrets, no sending that one questionable photo—and boom, you’re safe, right? WRONG. Because somewhere between the harmless banter and sharing your favorite playlists, you’re spending hours talking to this stranger. Hours that could’ve gone toward, I don’t know, actually living your life. And before you know it, you’re replaying their messages in your head like a cringe-worthy rom-com.  

Then, the guilt kicks in. You’re married, for crying out loud! You have kids! A partner! A functioning home! But there you are, sending offline messages to someone who, let’s be honest, probably doesn’t even use their real name. And let’s not sugarcoat it: if the roles were reversed, and it was your husband doing the same thing, you’d be halfway through filing for divorce and asking for the house and the dog.  

It’s all so complicated. Is it cheating? Is it innocent? Is it just… *human*? It’s a mess of emotions wrapped in a layer of pheromones and sprinkled with regret. One moment, you’re basking in the attention of someone who makes you feel like a 10-years-younger version of yourself. The next, you’re spiraling because this stranger, who treats you like a goddess, asks for a picture, a video call, or—gasp—a meeting.  

That’s when it hits you: it’s time to stop. And so, you make the grand decision to ghost them by not opening the app for 30 days. Poof—account deleted. Problem solved. Except it’s day 29, and you’re lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about them.  

Because even though they were just a stranger, they were the perfect stranger.